deux : : 愛は決して、絶える事がありません。
∞ 空席。 Vacant Seat
→ TVXQ(JYJ)/CSJH: Yoochun/Dana (Sungmi); Angst, PG-13, 1654 words
! no beta (please forgive my errors); het (is this supposed to be a warning?); character death
♪ inspired by 東方神起’s 「STILL」
もう一度誘って もう一度笑って
僕たちがこの場所で出会えたなら
君の手握って誓いたいのに そうなんだ…
Please call me once more, smile once more
If we can meet in this place again,
I will hold your hand and make a promise, yes I will…
He feels her warmth on his left shoulder, where she used to rest her head as she drifted into a state of unconsciousness. The scent of her perfume still lingers in the air that he breathes, despite the fact that he's just sitting alone, with no one beside him. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Memories flow into him like water escaping through an opened floodgate, overwhelming, filling the emptiness in his soul.
He still remembers vividly, and he clutches the piece of fabric near his chest as her peaceful, angelic face appears at the back of his eyelids.
Her long eyelashes add to the perfection of her beautiful frame. The air that blows on her hair smells of cinnamon and strawberries.
The pleasant warmth comes from her small hand that is perched on his slightly larger one; her delicate fingers filling the gaps between his own calloused ones.
And he hums a song, in a melody that only the two of them know. A song that only belongs to the two of them. Solely by the two of them.
Surprisingly, she shifts in her seat. Her light eyelids slowly lift up, revealing her almond irises that emit a faint twinkle against the dim light inside the bus. Oh, how her eyelashes fit so perfectly for her eyes, he thinks. And he greets her with the earnest smile he could muster, one which he channels the truthfulness of his "I love you" into.
"Are we there yet?" she asks in a voice that is almost a whisper.
"We're still a bit far. Go back to sleep," he replies, planting a light kiss on her forehead.
She shifts in her seat, and rests her chin on his shoulder. She gives him a pout, one that she intended to convey her utmost yet temporary discontent. But despite her efforts, he still finds her so adorably cute that he could not resist planting a kiss on her soft lips.
"Go back to sleep, love. Don't worry, I'll wake you up when we get home," he assures her.
And she gives him a smile, one that describes how sweet and angelic she is, before slowly drifting once again to a state of unconsciousness.
With longing eyes, he looks at her image in such a serene state. Her faint and even breathing is like music to his ears.
If only we stayed that way forever, he breathes a wish into a silent sigh.
寂しさをごまかすだけなら 他の誰かで良かったのに
いつも君の姿重ねて 余計に寂しいと思った
いつの日かこの角を曲がって 目の前に君がいることが
夢見ている奇跡なんだ
In order to forget this loneliness, it’s alright with anybody else
But I’ve always sought your shadow, and became lonelier.
Someday, turning around this corner, I would see you in front of me
That is the miracle that I have been dreaming of
They usually remained that way for the rest of their trip: her head perched on his sturdy shoulders as she slept and he hummed their favorite song.
And then he closed his eyes.
He doesn't usually fall asleep. In fact, he never sleeps for the remainder of their trip. But until now, he still wonders… To him, it seemed like the greatest mistake of his life.
When he opened his eyes, a blinding light seeped into his vision. And the next thing he saw was white. Everything was white. It took him a while for his eyes to adjust.
“Hyung? Hyung!”
He directed his eyes to his left, and saw his brother, with eyes that appeared like he had just cried. But his brother still tried his best to smile.
“Hyung, thank goodness! You’re awake! Do you need anything?”
He gave him a faint smile. For some strange reason, his legs and arms felt numb.
“Where’s Sungmi?” he asked.
His brother’s expression suddenly turned from dim joy to unwanted sorrow, like a firefly extinguishing its light slowly, sadly in the dark night. He saw him bite his lower lip. Suddenly he felt a lump in his throat.
“Yoohwan, where is Sungmi?” he repeated, his voice a bit louder this time.
“Hyung… She’s…” Yoohwan tensed, his voice was almost shaky.
“Yoohwan?" he repeated, giving a more demanding tone in his voice. But the desperation was evident in his muffled trembles.
Yoohwan hung his head low, clearly avoiding his older brother's gaze.
Yoochun quietly panicked. Although Sungmi often made scoffy remarks on how impatient he is, this time, he only managed to clutch the white bed sheets. It took him a while to register that he is in the hospital, and that beneath the clean white sheets, his legs were plastered. To what extent, he refused to know. He cared less about his legs. Those things didn't matter. He just urgently wanted to see Sungmi.
He clutched the bed sheets harder, trying his best to compose himself. But he knew he was already trembling. What happened to her?, he asked no one as he pushed away images of what possibly happened, images that he refused to accept.
"Hyung," Yoohwan finally spoke after a long, agonizing moment of silence. "I-I'm sorry. Sungmi noona... She's..."
Yoochun felt his breath quicken as he anticipated his younger brother's next words, dreading every second that passed by. Yoohwan was unsure of how he should answer Yoochun's question. But he knew that the right thing to do is to tell his hyung what happened to his fiancee.
"She's... gone," Yoohwan uttered. The last word sounded of fear mixed with sorrow, choked into a piercing sob.
Yoochun felt his lungs contract. If only his brother can hear the sound of his breaking heart. Tears began falling down his cheeks, the coolness against his skin added to how suddenly his world had grown cold.
"She... did not make it, hyung," Yoohwan continued, as if answering his brother's unspoken question. "The bus that you were in got into an accident and it's a miracle you're still alive. However, Sungmi noona got injured very badly. The rescuers say when they found you two, she had her arms around your head. She protected you, hyung. She was still breathing on the way to the hospital but unfortunately, she did not make it."
Upon seeing Yoochun in tears, Yoohwan stepped forward, embracing his grieving brother. Then he heard his brother's wails as he ran his own hands on his brother's back, rubbing it in a circling motion in an attempt to comfort the latter. There was nothing else that they can do. Except that for Yoohwan, he had to be strong for his brother.
Yoochun tugged on his sleeve, calling his attention. "Can I see her?" he asked; his glistened eyes were begging.
"But Hyung, you can't walk yet."
"Please?"
Yoohwan sighed, "Let me go call the nurse."
君の声が聞けないなんて 君の名前呼べないなんて
せめて夢で会えたらきっと 君をギュッと抱きしめるんだ
I cannot hear your voice, I cannot call your name
If I can see you in my dreams, I will hug you tightly
Yoochun opens his eyes and sees the moving city lights smoked against the rain-drenched window from his bus seat. He turns to his other side, and is relieved to see that she hasn't left. She is still there, breathing lightly and rhythmically. He feels a slight prick in his chest.
And she slowly stirs, opening her eyes and then lifting her hand to rub the drowsiness away. And he exhales, giving her the sweetest smile he could show.
"We're almost there, my love."
"Did you even sleep?" she asks.
"Nope. You are so beautiful that I refuse to close my eyes. I might miss you."
"Liar."
Yoochun chuckles and he pretends not to panic quietly as he sees Sungmi's figure slowly fading into the background.
"Yes, and I know you love this liar."
Then she giggles, and Yoochun feels a pang of pain in his chest.
"Of course, I love you, Yoochun the liar."
"I love you too, my beautiful Sungmi."
And Sungmi draws near, ghosting her lips against his.
For a moment, he feels her warmth all over him as they kiss.
But just as quickly as they kiss, the gust of coldness replaces the warmth. Yoochun opens his eyes again and sees Sungmi smiling as she vanishes quietly, fading into the background like smoke dissipating into the air.
And he sighs, clutching the piece of fabric near his chest. He is trying his best not to let tears fall from his eyes. He whispers these words into the empty space beside him:
"I miss you so much."
だけど君に会えないなんて 愛してると言えないなんて
悲しいほど狂おしくて
切ない 切ない 恋をした
But I cannot meet you, so I cannot say I love you
But I was in love,
A maddeningly sad, painful love.
→ TVXQ(JYJ)/CSJH: Yoochun/Dana (Sungmi); Angst, PG-13, 1654 words
! no beta (please forgive my errors); het (is this supposed to be a warning?); character death
♪ inspired by 東方神起’s 「STILL」
もう一度誘って もう一度笑って
僕たちがこの場所で出会えたなら
君の手握って誓いたいのに そうなんだ…
Please call me once more, smile once more
If we can meet in this place again,
I will hold your hand and make a promise, yes I will…
He feels her warmth on his left shoulder, where she used to rest her head as she drifted into a state of unconsciousness. The scent of her perfume still lingers in the air that he breathes, despite the fact that he's just sitting alone, with no one beside him. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Memories flow into him like water escaping through an opened floodgate, overwhelming, filling the emptiness in his soul.
He still remembers vividly, and he clutches the piece of fabric near his chest as her peaceful, angelic face appears at the back of his eyelids.
Her long eyelashes add to the perfection of her beautiful frame. The air that blows on her hair smells of cinnamon and strawberries.
The pleasant warmth comes from her small hand that is perched on his slightly larger one; her delicate fingers filling the gaps between his own calloused ones.
And he hums a song, in a melody that only the two of them know. A song that only belongs to the two of them. Solely by the two of them.
Surprisingly, she shifts in her seat. Her light eyelids slowly lift up, revealing her almond irises that emit a faint twinkle against the dim light inside the bus. Oh, how her eyelashes fit so perfectly for her eyes, he thinks. And he greets her with the earnest smile he could muster, one which he channels the truthfulness of his "I love you" into.
"Are we there yet?" she asks in a voice that is almost a whisper.
"We're still a bit far. Go back to sleep," he replies, planting a light kiss on her forehead.
She shifts in her seat, and rests her chin on his shoulder. She gives him a pout, one that she intended to convey her utmost yet temporary discontent. But despite her efforts, he still finds her so adorably cute that he could not resist planting a kiss on her soft lips.
"Go back to sleep, love. Don't worry, I'll wake you up when we get home," he assures her.
And she gives him a smile, one that describes how sweet and angelic she is, before slowly drifting once again to a state of unconsciousness.
With longing eyes, he looks at her image in such a serene state. Her faint and even breathing is like music to his ears.
If only we stayed that way forever, he breathes a wish into a silent sigh.
寂しさをごまかすだけなら 他の誰かで良かったのに
いつも君の姿重ねて 余計に寂しいと思った
いつの日かこの角を曲がって 目の前に君がいることが
夢見ている奇跡なんだ
In order to forget this loneliness, it’s alright with anybody else
But I’ve always sought your shadow, and became lonelier.
Someday, turning around this corner, I would see you in front of me
That is the miracle that I have been dreaming of
They usually remained that way for the rest of their trip: her head perched on his sturdy shoulders as she slept and he hummed their favorite song.
And then he closed his eyes.
He doesn't usually fall asleep. In fact, he never sleeps for the remainder of their trip. But until now, he still wonders… To him, it seemed like the greatest mistake of his life.
When he opened his eyes, a blinding light seeped into his vision. And the next thing he saw was white. Everything was white. It took him a while for his eyes to adjust.
“Hyung? Hyung!”
He directed his eyes to his left, and saw his brother, with eyes that appeared like he had just cried. But his brother still tried his best to smile.
“Hyung, thank goodness! You’re awake! Do you need anything?”
He gave him a faint smile. For some strange reason, his legs and arms felt numb.
“Where’s Sungmi?” he asked.
His brother’s expression suddenly turned from dim joy to unwanted sorrow, like a firefly extinguishing its light slowly, sadly in the dark night. He saw him bite his lower lip. Suddenly he felt a lump in his throat.
“Yoohwan, where is Sungmi?” he repeated, his voice a bit louder this time.
“Hyung… She’s…” Yoohwan tensed, his voice was almost shaky.
“Yoohwan?" he repeated, giving a more demanding tone in his voice. But the desperation was evident in his muffled trembles.
Yoohwan hung his head low, clearly avoiding his older brother's gaze.
Yoochun quietly panicked. Although Sungmi often made scoffy remarks on how impatient he is, this time, he only managed to clutch the white bed sheets. It took him a while to register that he is in the hospital, and that beneath the clean white sheets, his legs were plastered. To what extent, he refused to know. He cared less about his legs. Those things didn't matter. He just urgently wanted to see Sungmi.
He clutched the bed sheets harder, trying his best to compose himself. But he knew he was already trembling. What happened to her?, he asked no one as he pushed away images of what possibly happened, images that he refused to accept.
"Hyung," Yoohwan finally spoke after a long, agonizing moment of silence. "I-I'm sorry. Sungmi noona... She's..."
Yoochun felt his breath quicken as he anticipated his younger brother's next words, dreading every second that passed by. Yoohwan was unsure of how he should answer Yoochun's question. But he knew that the right thing to do is to tell his hyung what happened to his fiancee.
"She's... gone," Yoohwan uttered. The last word sounded of fear mixed with sorrow, choked into a piercing sob.
Yoochun felt his lungs contract. If only his brother can hear the sound of his breaking heart. Tears began falling down his cheeks, the coolness against his skin added to how suddenly his world had grown cold.
"She... did not make it, hyung," Yoohwan continued, as if answering his brother's unspoken question. "The bus that you were in got into an accident and it's a miracle you're still alive. However, Sungmi noona got injured very badly. The rescuers say when they found you two, she had her arms around your head. She protected you, hyung. She was still breathing on the way to the hospital but unfortunately, she did not make it."
Upon seeing Yoochun in tears, Yoohwan stepped forward, embracing his grieving brother. Then he heard his brother's wails as he ran his own hands on his brother's back, rubbing it in a circling motion in an attempt to comfort the latter. There was nothing else that they can do. Except that for Yoohwan, he had to be strong for his brother.
Yoochun tugged on his sleeve, calling his attention. "Can I see her?" he asked; his glistened eyes were begging.
"But Hyung, you can't walk yet."
"Please?"
Yoohwan sighed, "Let me go call the nurse."
君の声が聞けないなんて 君の名前呼べないなんて
せめて夢で会えたらきっと 君をギュッと抱きしめるんだ
I cannot hear your voice, I cannot call your name
If I can see you in my dreams, I will hug you tightly
Yoochun opens his eyes and sees the moving city lights smoked against the rain-drenched window from his bus seat. He turns to his other side, and is relieved to see that she hasn't left. She is still there, breathing lightly and rhythmically. He feels a slight prick in his chest.
And she slowly stirs, opening her eyes and then lifting her hand to rub the drowsiness away. And he exhales, giving her the sweetest smile he could show.
"We're almost there, my love."
"Did you even sleep?" she asks.
"Nope. You are so beautiful that I refuse to close my eyes. I might miss you."
"Liar."
Yoochun chuckles and he pretends not to panic quietly as he sees Sungmi's figure slowly fading into the background.
"Yes, and I know you love this liar."
Then she giggles, and Yoochun feels a pang of pain in his chest.
"Of course, I love you, Yoochun the liar."
"I love you too, my beautiful Sungmi."
And Sungmi draws near, ghosting her lips against his.
For a moment, he feels her warmth all over him as they kiss.
But just as quickly as they kiss, the gust of coldness replaces the warmth. Yoochun opens his eyes again and sees Sungmi smiling as she vanishes quietly, fading into the background like smoke dissipating into the air.
And he sighs, clutching the piece of fabric near his chest. He is trying his best not to let tears fall from his eyes. He whispers these words into the empty space beside him:
"I miss you so much."
だけど君に会えないなんて 愛してると言えないなんて
悲しいほど狂おしくて
切ない 切ない 恋をした
But I cannot meet you, so I cannot say I love you
But I was in love,
A maddeningly sad, painful love.