*sigh*
I can't write on facebook like I can here. The big trouble started in October. My son and his explosive anger. We were in intensive therapy from November til mid February and things started to get better. We understood where his fear was coming from (anger is not an emotion it's just a reaction based on fear) and we continue to work on that. NOt only working on him but on how we parent. It's hard. I've learned a lot and have many new tools to work with. I'll admit that I've slipped now and again, but it's really hard to change something when you've only learned one way. Hubby is having a harder time. He doesn't see that his actions are part of the cause. I'm not saying what our son is doing isn't wrong, but we have to own our part.
When our son gets angry we must stay calm (it's so easy to say) Stay calm as your son punches a hole in the wall. Stay calm when he calls you a bitch. Stay calm and say "you look and sound angry right now" (validate his feelings) Stay calm. Breathe. The calmer you stay and show no reaction to his violence it will end. Oh yes, there will be consequences to this behavior, however you must STAY CALM and wait until things settle (this may take a couple of hours or maybe a good night sleep) Don't parent out of anger. It's so damn hard. stay calm and breathe.
Like I had mention before, hubby is having a hard time. He can not stay calm and this is causing massive explosion in the house. He is parenting out of anger, giving consequences in the heat of the moment, therefore escalating the situation. He is not owning his part. When I calmly discuss the matter with him he slips into a depression and threatens to leave or kill himself.
I am tired. I am tired of dealing with an angry teenager and a father who is not using the tools we learned in the 3 months of intensive therapy. I am hurt and sad that the 6 year old is seeing all of this. I am not perfect, I make mistakes, but I am trying and I just want the hubby to try harder.
Yes, we are still in therapy once a week for all of us. Will this ever end?
Just remember to stay calm and breath.
When our son gets angry we must stay calm (it's so easy to say) Stay calm as your son punches a hole in the wall. Stay calm when he calls you a bitch. Stay calm and say "you look and sound angry right now" (validate his feelings) Stay calm. Breathe. The calmer you stay and show no reaction to his violence it will end. Oh yes, there will be consequences to this behavior, however you must STAY CALM and wait until things settle (this may take a couple of hours or maybe a good night sleep) Don't parent out of anger. It's so damn hard. stay calm and breathe.
Like I had mention before, hubby is having a hard time. He can not stay calm and this is causing massive explosion in the house. He is parenting out of anger, giving consequences in the heat of the moment, therefore escalating the situation. He is not owning his part. When I calmly discuss the matter with him he slips into a depression and threatens to leave or kill himself.
I am tired. I am tired of dealing with an angry teenager and a father who is not using the tools we learned in the 3 months of intensive therapy. I am hurt and sad that the 6 year old is seeing all of this. I am not perfect, I make mistakes, but I am trying and I just want the hubby to try harder.
Yes, we are still in therapy once a week for all of us. Will this ever end?
Just remember to stay calm and breath.