Worst Four years of my life...
I was sitting in my car with Lelia tonight just sitting there listening to the radio and stuff when this Lonestar song came on and the guy was talking about how much he missed his High School years and all the fun he had and Lelia was talking about the couple of weeks she spent in France on a school field trip. (it actually took me three tries to spell field... blah) and I got to thinking about the four yearsI spent in High School and realized how much it sucked... Not just your typical Graduate who never liked school to begin with reflecting back on his time sucked I mean damn I'm glad I'm graduating so I can leave all these po-dunk hicks behind for good sucked... I tried to think of ONE good memory I had and all I could think of was the weekend I spent in FL with my ROTC unit and Ally, which lead down a trail of other thoughts leading up to my current prediciment with Ally so... no real pleasent memories there. Than I tried to think about when me and my friends would just hang around after school and goof off, leading to more thoughts about Ally, (cuz she was the only one I hung around with after school, even when we weren't doing it) so that didn't work... than I thought about lunch how we'd all just sit around and tell jokes and shoot the shit and me and Ally had the kinda relationship I'd always dreamed of having... how everything seemed so perfect, typical teenage image of friends hanging out and laughing and everythings great in the world for about 45 mins. That leads to thinking about more memories of Ally and eventually, my suspension... Everybody knows how I feel about the Give Center, the only good that came out of my suspension was, (In order) meeting Lelia, meeting Josalyn (I miss you) and, in a way, breaking up with Ally. I'm tired of getting on Live Journal and talking about Ally but she was the most improtant thing in my life since... well ever really. I wanted us to work SO badly and it really messed me up when we didn't work... I'm still messed up inside, as Leila and Jos will account for, but I think I'm starting to move on a bit more... I just wish I didn't love her so much when we were togeather or this wouldn't nbe so hard... best years of your life my ass!!! I've had to put up with more bullshit, more dumb-ass inbred teenage hicks, more stress and more heart-ache and pain than any 18 year old should EVER have to put up with (in my opinion but I may be over-reacting) and I try not to let it show how much I'm hurting inside cuz I hate when people try to involve themselves in my problems, I'm glad they care enough to but I hate feeling like a burden, like your average run-of-the-mill depressed teen. I've ALWAYS been the suffer in silence type, try to always sem happy, and never let your depression/sadness show. Well.... I'm gonna stop tying for now... I hope I'll feel better tomorrow.