171. What is the biggest mistake you've made in a relationship?
Almost got myself married, once; biggest mistake I could've made.
Don't get me wrong: staying with some broad for a while can be well worth your while. A woman can be a useful thing to have around. And, all right, maybe better than useful, if you find the right woman. But no woman is worth marrying. They're beautiful? Sure. Gorgeous. And they'll fuck you. Yes, that's good, too. I don't say "no" to that. But I'll tell you, all women are insane. And if you can go all the way and tie yourself to one of them, you might want to think about getting your own head checked. I kid you not.
Even that doe-eyed girl who looks at you and says, 'Ohhh, I'll love you forever I'll always be faithful, ohh, darling, I'll do everything for you!' Even if she says she'll wash your clothes, fix your food, clean the goddamned house, even that one'll turn out to be a disaster. She might be better at hiding her insanity, but you had better believe it's there.
I let myself forget that for a while. I allowed myself to think, "This girl is the best thing that has ever happened to me." And maybe I even allowed myself to say that I could or did love this girl. Because that is what we do. We are supposed to love some girl, some woman, and so we do. And I did. Only I realized just in time what was happening, and I quit right there. Call me cruel--I say it was necessary, realistic--but I ended everything, told her I was through. It was a nice ride, but I wasn't going to be stuck when it broke down.
God, did my mother ever rail at me after that. "That girl was perfect for you. You'll never find another girl like her. What the hell's the matter with you?" Then she, ah, she chased me around the kitchen with a frying pan. One of those fucking heavy ones, iron or something. I swear to you, my own mother wanted to beat my brains with a frying pan. Can you imagine? Women are fucking insane. Mind you, my mother has cooled off, but I am very careful not to be in the same room with her and a frying pan.
And the girl in question. That very tricky one that almost had me cornered. I'm sure you can imagine, she wasn't happy with me afterward, and she took off. Haven't seen her since, and that's probably for the best. That girl had a temper to her that you wouldn't believe. My God, the things she'd do... I get the idea that if she'd gotten anywhere near me once the fact that the engagement was off had really sunk in and so forth, I'd be a dead man. You would not be standing here, listening to me speak. God, she was crazy.
I've been careful ever since. I have these rules with women, and I stick to them. This is important. This keeps me alive. Because I remember--and you'd better remember, too, you know what's good for you--that women are insane. Fucking nuts.
Don't get me wrong: staying with some broad for a while can be well worth your while. A woman can be a useful thing to have around. And, all right, maybe better than useful, if you find the right woman. But no woman is worth marrying. They're beautiful? Sure. Gorgeous. And they'll fuck you. Yes, that's good, too. I don't say "no" to that. But I'll tell you, all women are insane. And if you can go all the way and tie yourself to one of them, you might want to think about getting your own head checked. I kid you not.
Even that doe-eyed girl who looks at you and says, 'Ohhh, I'll love you forever I'll always be faithful, ohh, darling, I'll do everything for you!' Even if she says she'll wash your clothes, fix your food, clean the goddamned house, even that one'll turn out to be a disaster. She might be better at hiding her insanity, but you had better believe it's there.
I let myself forget that for a while. I allowed myself to think, "This girl is the best thing that has ever happened to me." And maybe I even allowed myself to say that I could or did love this girl. Because that is what we do. We are supposed to love some girl, some woman, and so we do. And I did. Only I realized just in time what was happening, and I quit right there. Call me cruel--I say it was necessary, realistic--but I ended everything, told her I was through. It was a nice ride, but I wasn't going to be stuck when it broke down.
God, did my mother ever rail at me after that. "That girl was perfect for you. You'll never find another girl like her. What the hell's the matter with you?" Then she, ah, she chased me around the kitchen with a frying pan. One of those fucking heavy ones, iron or something. I swear to you, my own mother wanted to beat my brains with a frying pan. Can you imagine? Women are fucking insane. Mind you, my mother has cooled off, but I am very careful not to be in the same room with her and a frying pan.
And the girl in question. That very tricky one that almost had me cornered. I'm sure you can imagine, she wasn't happy with me afterward, and she took off. Haven't seen her since, and that's probably for the best. That girl had a temper to her that you wouldn't believe. My God, the things she'd do... I get the idea that if she'd gotten anywhere near me once the fact that the engagement was off had really sunk in and so forth, I'd be a dead man. You would not be standing here, listening to me speak. God, she was crazy.
I've been careful ever since. I have these rules with women, and I stick to them. This is important. This keeps me alive. Because I remember--and you'd better remember, too, you know what's good for you--that women are insane. Fucking nuts.