job
When I got the job offer almost 5 months ago to make illustrations all day long for a tv show, I naively thought it was gonna be all fun and glamourous and fun again cause hey! getting paid to make illustrations nonstop should be something great for someone like me who does illustrations in a daily basis, huh?
So I said yes. First of all I had to sell my soul to the devil... signup at the "system" for paying taxes and stuff. I thought "ok, I think it's about time", no big deal. I started in september and I had to make 25 illustrations in the first two weeks. My eyes were almost bleeding. Not to mention that I had to re-do several images. The rythm then went a little bit down for a couple months but I still had to make three pieces for at least once a week.
I'm at the point of disliking to make illustrations, and that worries me. You know, the saying that goes "if you love your job, then it's not a job at all". I feel now like a machine, copying (not even creating) characters and landscapes which are going to appear on tv for one second. It also worries me cause I feel that I've lost any trace of desire to make an illustration just for me without thinking that has to look like a certain person or what should or should not have, maybe because what I supposedly should love to make it's not "my thing" and that would just be an existential disaster. This job has ruined my life (not really), but I'm still doing it because it could be worse than not having a job at all. Also to buy me those suede creepers.
That was my rant update. Sorry, bye.