cutting it all off...
So last night i had "the" talk with my dad. I wanted to cry the whole time, just because it felt so good to get that weight off of my shoulders. There has been so much I always wanted to tell him, and make him understand why i am who i am. Now he knows. He gave me some of the best advice, and talked to me like nothing was different and like he loved me more than ever. He kept saying that i shouldnt have ever tried to carry so many things on my own, that hes there to help me carry it.
We talked about what all happened at church with Richard, and now he wants me to move away, so we are looking for me a new apartment. We talked about Jacob and everyone else in my past, and it makes him mad that anyone would treat his son like that.. Most of all he was worried about my health. Because lies and cheating causes nothing but death in the end. I am quite scared right now, but Gods grace and mercy has always been there for me, and I know no matter what i have done, or as stupid as i have been, that i am still protected. I know who i am, and who matters. THe people that love me and that are still in my life right now are who matters. I have tried to hard to take care of people and be something that i couldnt be for them. Maybe thats the problem. Whatever the problem is, i have to totally cut myself off from the people that basically want to hurt me. If its mentally, physically, or however, its still hurting me, and i dont deserve that anymore. I have to do whatever i have to do to get through today, and then i will worry about tomorrow. I can't plan out things 2 years from now and want to try to hold things together with someone who has no respect for me, and doing the things you have done mean you have no respect for me. I will not put myself through anything else that hurts me. It will hurt me knowing how careless you are. I will always worry about you and love you, but no more tears. No more hurt. You are now cut off. Cut away from my heart.
And to those of you from my past who may read this...
If anyone really cares about me, they arent going to just cut me off for any reason. This has been a summer to change my life, and anyone who cant be a positive thing in my life.. F**k off.. i dont need you. I can make it own my own and be proud of myself. I will not depend on anyone, or try to carry anyone else on my shoulders. Now is a new beginning for me. A new Christopher. Today i let SCOG, Jacob, Blaine, and anything else from my past that hurts me to think about.. i let it go... I have my family, school, and making something of myself to focus on.
Starting today, i love me.
We talked about what all happened at church with Richard, and now he wants me to move away, so we are looking for me a new apartment. We talked about Jacob and everyone else in my past, and it makes him mad that anyone would treat his son like that.. Most of all he was worried about my health. Because lies and cheating causes nothing but death in the end. I am quite scared right now, but Gods grace and mercy has always been there for me, and I know no matter what i have done, or as stupid as i have been, that i am still protected. I know who i am, and who matters. THe people that love me and that are still in my life right now are who matters. I have tried to hard to take care of people and be something that i couldnt be for them. Maybe thats the problem. Whatever the problem is, i have to totally cut myself off from the people that basically want to hurt me. If its mentally, physically, or however, its still hurting me, and i dont deserve that anymore. I have to do whatever i have to do to get through today, and then i will worry about tomorrow. I can't plan out things 2 years from now and want to try to hold things together with someone who has no respect for me, and doing the things you have done mean you have no respect for me. I will not put myself through anything else that hurts me. It will hurt me knowing how careless you are. I will always worry about you and love you, but no more tears. No more hurt. You are now cut off. Cut away from my heart.
And to those of you from my past who may read this...
If anyone really cares about me, they arent going to just cut me off for any reason. This has been a summer to change my life, and anyone who cant be a positive thing in my life.. F**k off.. i dont need you. I can make it own my own and be proud of myself. I will not depend on anyone, or try to carry anyone else on my shoulders. Now is a new beginning for me. A new Christopher. Today i let SCOG, Jacob, Blaine, and anything else from my past that hurts me to think about.. i let it go... I have my family, school, and making something of myself to focus on.
Starting today, i love me.