(no subject)
woke up sobbing again.
this has happened several times in the last few weeks..
from what i can remember, it has to do with my mom.. it seems there's a situation where someone reminds me rather forcefully that she's gone, or i see something that reminds me of her.. a facial expression, a favorite place to visit, a food or beverage item.. or there's some way i can bring her back, some silly ritual or phrase and it doesnt happen..
im vaguely aware that i start crying uncontrollably in my dreams, and it translates to real life.. it takes me a good 10 minutes of tears and sadness to realize i was only dreaming.. but the ache of missing her is still real, still very palpable.
all this time ive been thinking ive come to terms with her death.. i guess im fooling myself, as i still have her ashes. i cant bring myself to let them go.
how much longer is this going to go on?
this has happened several times in the last few weeks..
from what i can remember, it has to do with my mom.. it seems there's a situation where someone reminds me rather forcefully that she's gone, or i see something that reminds me of her.. a facial expression, a favorite place to visit, a food or beverage item.. or there's some way i can bring her back, some silly ritual or phrase and it doesnt happen..
im vaguely aware that i start crying uncontrollably in my dreams, and it translates to real life.. it takes me a good 10 minutes of tears and sadness to realize i was only dreaming.. but the ache of missing her is still real, still very palpable.
all this time ive been thinking ive come to terms with her death.. i guess im fooling myself, as i still have her ashes. i cant bring myself to let them go.
how much longer is this going to go on?