weird time in my life

[topgunkyle]

Hey folks lol i havent updated in a while and well i dunno y but here is what has been goin on in my life. the guy who was supposed to be my bestfriend told me i was crazy and needed help, Because i got mad that he knowingly didnt invite me too the mall after i had asked to go..hmmm ya im crazy. but ne ways in times like that u discover who ur tru and real friends are..and through it all jordan was there for me. Jordan and i have become alot closer and i feel that he is a good friend to me. hmm what else...well matt and i are hanging out less i dunno y i guess we are growing apart which is ok i guess since he is goin to college and all...but i find my self getting alot closer to scotty boy. he is such a great friend and always seems to be there to listen to me wen i need someone to talk to. Charles is also a great friend to me too even though he doesnt always follow through with plans i love him..i think ive finally reached a point in my life where i have friends im happy with...but if that is tru y am i still lonely???hmmm I mean i reaLLY want a b/f..and if not a boyfriend then a friend that is like a b.f ya kno. i need someone to just hold me and to hold..someone that i can call no matter what time and he will be happy to talk to be..someone that is always there to tell me how good i look and that he loves me. I mean it seems every time ..i like a guy the either just wanna be friends and think oo we can be good friends... or they are str8...or just flat out dont want me. it makes me feel completely ugly, unwanted and unloved....i mean i sometimes have girls tell me they wish i was str8 but if i was supposively soo good looking y cant i get a guy??? and i have str8 guys tell me if they were gay they would date me or they wish i was a girl cuz im a great person.... but i cant get a gay guy to see that UHHHH!!!!!!!!! i just dont kno...i guess i will never understand it.... ugh soo ya thats the one part of life i hate right now. and it makes me hate myself and thats no good.. i mean but i forget about that wen im with my friends Corretta always knoes how to make me feel better and make me laugh i love him and amy too * help send kyle and amy to tremaine* hehehe. thats y i love topgun...cuz i trust my coaches and kno they will always be there for me i love kristen and victor soo much....and i think cheering for them has made me a better cheerleader cuz i always wanna make my "parents" ( K and V) Happy..hehe. o well soo  enough about my drama  this weekend sucked i was grounded so i had to go everywhere with my aunt which was ok i guess. but i wen to chilies last night and who do i see ?!?!? the Bitch sarah She had the nerve to speak to me ugh! lol.. well anyways next weekend im goin to daytona hopefully my most fav person in da world jordan will go with me..hehe...ok well thats it for tonight i guess i will write more tomoro!......HI scotty my super Hott n sexy Boyfriend...... check out my my space...
http://www.myspace.com/topgunnkyle