Memories and reality (Torchwood, Ianto/Jack)
Ianto drives along the quiet country road, trying to concentrate but the tears keep falling. He knows he can’t look back or even stop the SUV. They need to keep going in order to survive and he knows that Jack doesn’t want to lose any more team members.
He looks over at James who has fallen asleep in the passenger seat. James is so peaceful when he sleeps until the inner demons set in causing him to squirm and moan. It hasn’t happened yet but Ianto is ready from past experience. There are some things that Jack doesn’t know that Ianto is happy to keep secret. James had volunteered to drive them back but Ianto changed his mind and got into the driver’s seat, telling himself not to look back.
There is hope that Jack will come back quicker than when they left him but right now Ianto can’t think about it as he drives on. He just wants to follow James’ advice to get them to safety in the realms of the Torchwood hub. His mind wanders towards memories of the past, of how he got to this point. He still can’t believe that it’s already winter.
The memories get heavier as he drives along making it harder to concentrate. He stops the car and steps out into the freezing weather. Shivering against the cold he looks back through the window at James hoping that he hasn’t woken. He doesn’t want to risk an argument right now, especially when he does have plans to keep going. Suddenly James awakes and looks up at Ianto, frowning before stepping out of the car.
“Why have we stopped?” He asks, on the verge of anger and disappointment. He stops beside Ianto and leans on the door of the SUV.
“I couldn’t concentrate so I stopped to calm myself down.” Ianto replies, “I couldn’t stop thinking about Jack.”
“He’ll be fine; we won’t be if we don’t keep going.” James replies wrapping his arm around Ianto. “Jack would want us to be safe.”
Ianto nods before leaning in to kiss James’ soft lips. This is what Ianto doesn’t want Jack to know that secretly he has feelings for James though they could never be returned. Some moments that they have shared makes James feel guilty and Ianto knows that. He is hungry for more. He wants to feel James’ skin underneath his fingertips. For James to kiss, lick and suck his body. The images cause his mind to explode.
“I can’t do this Ianto.” James tells him as they break apart and he means it too since Ianto can tell by the look in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Those words snap Ianto back into reality causing him to hold James tightly against him. Tears begin to fall as he hopes Jack will come back for him.