Con Air (1997)
The Cast
Nicolas Cage .... Cameron Poe
John Cusack .... U.S. Marshal Vince Larkin
John Malkovich .... Cyrus 'The Virus' Grissom
Monica Potter .... Tricia Poe
Steve Buscemi .... Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene
M.C. Gainey .... Swamp Thing
Danny Trejo .... Johnny 'Johnny-23' Baca
Dave Chappelle .... Joe 'Pinball' Parker
Ving Rhames .... Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones
Mykelti Williamson .... Mike 'Baby-O' O'Dell
Colm Meaney .... DEA Agent Duncan Malloy
Marty McSorley .... Mack the Co-Pilot
Angela Featherstone .... Ginny
As I sat down to watch Con Air, I wondered why the name of director Simon West sounded so familiar. After checking out his IMDB profile I found out why. He's the guy who directed the new horror / slasher / thriller flick When a Stranger Calls, which sounds more like a TV movie of the week than a shitty horror movie remake. In fact, out of all of West's movies, the only one that I can actually pretend to be of better-than-below-average quality is The General's Daughter.
It's been a few years since I'd last watched Con Air, & I figured it couldn't possibly be as bad as I remembered it being. I mean, Cusack, Malkovich, Buscemi, Ving Rhames, Dave Chappelle, Marty McfuckinSorley, there's no way they could all be hoodwinked into acting in such a terrible movie that it almost offends me to write a review about it. Absofuckinlutely no way could it be one of the worst viewing experiences of my life.
I blame myself for forgetting.
There's pretty much a laundry list of complaints that you could compile about this movie. Feel free to add any of your own.
- leftover dialogue from the Tarantino-esque era of filmmaking
- the editing team of Chris Lebenzon, Steve Mirkovich, Glen Scantlebury who've done more to keep the erradication of epileptic seizures from occuring than any video game system invented.. I believe the process was that one of them edited the movie, then another edited it, & so on.. it was originally a three hour epic
- the score that is either all bombastic & militaryesque or all drum & bass funky
- the cast that signed on for a paycheque & nothing else.. half the time it seems like these were just people that were houseguests at some weekend party at Jerry Bruckheimer's palatial estate
- the disgusting misuse of the quality cast that signed on
- the shame the quality cast must've felt after watching the film
- the fact that the movie made over $200 million worldwide
- that this movie is - financially - John Cusack's most successful movie
- this review which is far below even my standards, yet I can't get angry enough about the flick to just tear into it
If you watched this movie & then went back & watched Leaving Las Vegas, I'm sure you'd be amazed that Nic Cage actually has the ability to be a great actor. Do I despise him for "selling out" & cashing in for a lifetime of security? If it was only one movie, no, I wouldn't despise the man. The Rock was one thing, Con Air is MST3K-worthy. Cusack & Buscemi made it less painful, but this movie was pretty much an abomination. After re-watching it, I'm not even certain why it's still in my collection.
0.5 outta 5