Bewitched (2005)
Isabel Bigalow/Samantha: Nicole Kidman
Jack Wyatt/Darrin: Will Ferrell
Iris Smythson/Endora: Shirley MacLaine
Nigel Bigelow: Michael Caine
Maria Kelly: Kristin Chenoweth
Columbia Pictures presents a film written and directed by Nora Ephron and co-written by Delia Ephron
Running Time: 102 minutes
Rated PG-13 for some language, including sex and drug references, and partial nudity.
Release Date: June 24, 2005
Review Date: July 16, 2005
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"Be Warned. Be Ready." This is the tagline for the motion picture Bewitched. But nothing could truly prepare us for what has to be (for the good of all mankind) the most unenjoyable disaster of a motion picture this summer. Nora Ephron's heartless cesspool of a waste of time does nothing to pay homage to its television predecesor. Actually, it takes the opportunity to take an occasional potshot at the deceased Dick York and Paul Lynde. Okay, there's no verbal potshot on Lynde, but I consider it equally offensive with Steve Carrell's abysmal performance as his Uncle Arthur character.
The original concept behind Bewitched isn't a terrible one. Rather than simply remaking the show, it's about the remaking of the show itself with a struggling actor (Ferrell). He finds Nicole Kidman in a bookstore and thinks she's perfect to stand along side him on the remake of the show. And she is, because she's an actual witch. But she's given all that up and told her father (Michael Caine - what on earth is he doing here?) that she wants to live a normal life. Let me ask you a question ... if you were a witch/warlock and had the ability to control pretty much whatever you pleased, would you really want to give that up?
Alas, Kidman's character never does, as she spends the duration of the movie doing whatever she pleases to set things right in her - and apparently Ephron's - mind's eye. And she's not afraid to use it in front of everybody else who - despite seeing Kidman point her finger and destroy an entire set - seem oblivious to anything weird going on.
Ferrell's character is an obnoxious, self-centered jerk, but Kidman still cries over her inability to woo him. For the convience of the script, he changes his ways as the film progresses because he's supposed to. But unlike Wedding Crashers - which I also viewed today - the performances are so horrible and the script is so mean-spirited that a predictable finishes just adds to the anguish. Is it really supposed to be funny when a witch makes a sexy bartender claim she has Hepatitis C? Does Ephron have some vendetta against the beautiful people of the world? And for a man who carried Saturday Night Live on his back for years, Will Ferrell couldn't buy a laugh if he tried.
Bewitched cost an estimated $85,000,000 to make - approximately 2/3 of the cost of the special effects ridden War of the Worlds. (Which I doubt it will come close to earning back, since my friends and I were the only ones in the theater for the screening). Yet there are no alien spacecrafts here. Mostly just boring and hideously unfunny dialogue wastes our time. I'm guessing that means that the stars of this film all cashed in and made a ridiculous amount of money, and I would hope so. It's probably the only way they could sleep at night after viewing this final product.
1/2* (out of ****)