THE LONGEST YARD
Director: Peter Segal. Screenwriter: Sheldon Turner. Based on the film written by Tracy Keenan Wynn from a story by Albert S. Ruddy. Cast: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds, Nelly, James Cromwell, William Fichtner, Nicholas Turturro, Michael Irvin, Bill Romanowski, Bill Goldberg, Brian Bosworth, Kevin Nash, Steve Austin, Cloris Leachman and Courteney Cox. Running time: 109 minutes. MPAA Rating: PG-13, for crude and sexual humor, violence, language and drug references. A Paramount Pictures release.
I understand why there’s a remake of “The Longest Yard” (Sandler + Football = $$$) but why redo a film that was good in the first place? The 1974 film still holds up to this day due to its gritty story and exceptional performance of Burt Reynolds.
My most difficult moment with 2005’s take is that I had to make an effort and buy Sandler not only as a tough guy but a quarterback. It didn’t work but it’s still a decent remake because it’s funny, light-weight entertainment that won’t tick you off if you pay matinee price. However, if you really want to see a good film, the original film is on DVD for only 10 bucks (a better investment, if I must say so).
For those that haven’t seen the remake, Paul Crewe (Sandler) is a former NFL QB that was booted out of the league for shaving points and, after having a little drunken joyride, is sent to a Texas prison.
The warden (James Cromwell, slumming it big time) needs Crewe’s help to improve their football team with the prison’s guards as the players. What seems like a quick bit of consulting results in Crewe organizing a team consisting of criminals to take on the guards in a nationally televised game (ok, on ESPN2).
This version of “Yard” is the original cranked up to 11 with its frat boy humor and rap/hard rock soundtrack. I’m supposed to dread this kind of stuff but there I was in the theatre having a good time with the rest of the audience.
I have to admit I was entertained by the goofy humor and I’m not ashamed about it. Chris Rock was perfect as always (despite playing Sandler’s sidekick) playing Caretaker, who’s the guy that can get you anything while you’re in jail. I laughed at Terry Crews with his brief role as Cheeseburger Eddy, a man who-for some reason that was never explained-had an unlimited supply of McDonalds in his pockets. I found the scene where pro wrestler Kevin Nash (as a guard) acted feminine after the inmates replaced his steroids with estrogen to be hilarious. And, god help me, I chuckled when I saw Rob Schneider once again as the “You Can Do It” Guy.
The film’s not without its flaws. The original film’s theme is lost in a sea of gay jokes and the update’s attempt at tying in racism in a Texas prison is weak. I understand the point they’re trying to make but the filmmakers strike out when their most dramatic scene involves rap artist Nelly and pro wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Despite that complaint, this is still an enjoyable film. It moves at a faster pace while the bevy of former athletes (shout out to The Boz!), pro-wrestlers and Nelly do a decent job in their not-too-demanding roles. What ultimately helps this take on “Yard” is having Reynolds in a pivotal role. Here, he still shows flashes of the time when he was America’s biggest movie star (and it should be noted that his hair piece is FABULOUS).
Sandler kind of fails at being cool but then again it doesn’t look like he’s making an effort. But his trademark smugness gets him off the hook here but it’s nowhere with his comedic high points that are “Billy Madison” or “Happy Gilmore.” Personally, he needs to move on and go after more roles like “Punch-Drunk Love” or “Spanglish.”
This version of “The Longest Yard” hopefully won’t overshadow its predecessor. Yes, it will make its money and every adolescent will talk about it for the rest of the year (or is it summer due to the fact that as a nation we collectively have a short-term memory?). But in the end, the only Paul Crewe I’ll remember will be the Burt Reynold’s version.
Overall score: @@ 1/2 (out of five)