Top Five Things *I* Can't Stand and Will Never Understand About Dayton, Ohio
5. Mullets - Goodgawdalmighty as JR would say. There are way too many mullets per capita in this area. Mullets of every type too: Mexi-mullets, skullets, poofy mullets, rattail mullets, Curt Hennig mullets... I've even seen BLEACHED BLONDE CHINESE MULLETS, okay? Seriously, you would think some of them would realize just how fucking ridiculous they look with a business in the front, party in the back hairstyle.
4. Traffic - I suppose it's a problem everywhere, but I'm a pretty cultured fellow. I've been to many other countries, and many other states within this country... I have never, EVER experienced traffic conditions like I've experienced here. It's not so much the traffic, as it is the rudeness and blatant disregard for other drivers on the road displayed by these monsters. Drivers around this area are always, ALWAYS in the biggest hurry... because there's a HUGE emergency to get to the bar on time, or because they have to get home in time to watch American Idol or whatever shit they like to rot in front of nightly. One thing I have picked up on, is that it appears the states in this country that still teach driver's education in high school have the more respectful, smarter drivers, whilst states that no longer teach it (ala Ohio) have really dumb, adrenaline junkie wash-outs who constantly get into wrecks and have their licenses suspended. Sickening.
3. Radio stations - Maybe it's the reason I'm a music recluse now and have to constantly listen to new music, but Dayton, Ohio has one of the worst radio markets in the entire country. I used to be interested in radio as a career, so I've done my homework on this. It's basically a ClearChannel owned field of same-shit-music over and over and over again. Know what's bad? THE PEOPLE WHO LISTEN DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER! AHAHAHAHAHA! THEY REALLY THINK THEY'RE LISTENING TO 'CUTTING EDGE' MUSIC! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Like 'rock' music? Well you can listen to Staind, Nickelback, Puddle of Mudd, Linkin Park, and Korn on CONSTANT rotation! Like 'country'? Well, don't you worry, we've got FIVE stations that play the exact same Tim McGraw and Toby Keith bullshit until you'll cut your ears off with a hacksaw! So you like 'classic rock'? Well, hold onto your hats, because we're going to play the SAME Pink Floyd song until fucking doomsday, baby! WHOOO! With the demise of 97x, the only time I would ever consider listening to the radio in this town is for 88.1, which is classical music, and it's technically not even based in Dayton. So fuck you, ClearChannel.
2. The people - A city full of paranoid-eyes, mean stares, and bad attitudes. The fact is, nobody likes anybody else in Dayton, and it shows. Walk into a grocery store or a fast food place, and you'll feel every set of eyes upon you, and in turn, upon everybody else. That's because there's some kind of unwritten law drilled into everyone raised here that everyone else is trying to screw you over in some way. Rare is it to even get a nod of acknowledgement from a passer-by, and even stranger is it to actually get a peaceful 'hello' from anybody you don't know already. Crime is still rampant, and racism, bigotry, and intolerance are still very much evident in your every day life here in sunny Dayton. It's enough to turn you into a miserable, cynical bastard who wants nothing more than to move to a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific and leave the rest of the world to rot.
1. Lack of culture - Know what the biggest draw to the 'gem city' is? Restaurants aimed towards yuppies and families of four in their stupid gas-guzzling SUVs. That's it. In Dayton, you can go out to the movies and go out to eat and if you want to do anything else you're looked at like you're some kind of moron. That's usually because - THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO! Unless you're part of the 'party' crowd, then you can go and get drunk in our plethora of alienating bars and nightclubs. God-forbid you actually want to WALK somewhere, then you get really weird stares from the denizens in the safety of their vehicles. That's right. America - the only country in the world where people DRIVE to a store that's literally two blocks away to buy a loaf of bread.