Fic: be the one you always were (Avatar: Katara, Zuko)

[topazera]

Title: be the one you always were
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Rating: G
Word Count: 1220
Characters/Pairings: Katara, Zuko
Summary: Missing scene from The Southern Raiders.
Notes: This is all due to nessismore's musical prompts! I'm a bit of a hesitant writer but the song Losing Sleep by Charlotte Sometimes stirred a little something and I thought I

Comments

[jade_sabre_301]

I come bearing actual critique! Please take this as a sign that I really liked your fic--you have a lot of little gems in it, but there is some stuff that could use some work. Most of it is in the first paragraph, which I skipped as soon as I read Each drop felt like the venom flowing in her veins being leeched away--the whole paragraph is full of cliches and clunky language, and really feels like you were warming up and then once you got into your groove didn't go back to see if you could get the warm-up into the groove as well.

(side note: that's actually kind of how I feel about the song as well--the intro was blah, but once it hit the chorus it hit a sweet note.)

Secondly, I think the piece also would have a little more impact if you broke up the longer paragraphs--having the action all blocked together makes it feel very step-by-step, less organic, with less room for the breaths in between. For example, when Zuko says the line "If you might find a little peace with yourself, you weren't wrong. I think your mother would