Buffy Fic A Thon Back Up (Buffy/Giles)
Author: TopazAngel
Title: Through The Years
Rating: Eh. PG
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Spoilers: The entire series, seasons 1-7.
Pairing: Buffy/Giles (non-shippy)
Teaser: A look back through the years.
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
Other Notes: Written for buffygirl43, who wanted a Buffy/Giles reflection piece for the Buffy Fic A Thon.
It almost doesn’t feel like seven years since it all started.
That first day in the library could have been yesterday as well as I remember it.
“I know what you’re looking for,” Giles pulled out the large book from behind the counter.
It scared me. To see that book. I wasn’t seeing it. My mind was playing tricks on me.
“That’s not what I’m looking for.”
Little did I know what was in store. What we would eventually go through together. I remember not really thinking he could understand me. Not thinking he could even remember what it was like to be sixteen and find out that your whole entire life has been planned for you. I didn’t even have a say in it. I found out later, neither did he.
We bonded that day. We found we had something in common. Something that no one else could understand. We had been forced into the world my friends had chosen. They wanted to help. I couldn’t decide for myself. Neither could Giles.
A part of me had wanted to believe he had chosen this life. But just as I had been told it was my duty, so had he.
The night I died at the hands of the master, he tried to take my place. I never told him how grateful I was for that. But I was. It was good to know someone was there for me. No matter what. Even if I did hit him with my mean right hook. It was my duty, not his.
I also remember finding out he was human. He had a past that he wasn’t proud of just like anyone else. He had made mistakes. He had rebelled. I guess I had held him up on a pedestal for so long, that I thought he didn’t make mistakes. Finding out that he had was comforting in a way. It assured me that people could change. People could grow up. I could learn to accept things the way they were and not fight it.
When Angel became Angelus because of me, he never lectured. Never told me what a huge mistake I had made. Even when Angel killed the woman he loved, he never blamed me, even when I blamed myself. And I did. In some ways I still do. But Giles would never and will never blame me.
I think when I ran away he was more happy to see me back in Sunnydale than I was happy to be back. Senior year.
That was probably one of the roughest in all my years in Sunnydale. So much happened.
The moment he go fired I felt like my world was collapsing. To think for even a split second that I would have to do this without him. I couldn’t. Couldn’t conceive it. I knew I couldn’t do it. I was so dependent on him. Which looking back on it, was probably a bad thing. But I was an eighteen year old girl. I felt like no one really understood me, and he had been constant. Through everything he had been there. I felt like I needed that.
After high school. After severing my ties with the council. It was strange having no reason to see him every day. But I found ways. I still needed him, even if he didn’t want to admit it. And I don’t think he did. I think he felt better telling himself that I was grown. That I was ready to move on with my life without a watcher. And I was.
But by that time I saw him as so much more. He was a friend. Part of an extended family that I couldn’t live without.
After a year of trying my damnedest to do what he wanted and be on my own, I had to let him know that I needed him to be my watcher again. I wasn’t done learning. There was so much more. More than I ever even expected.
That year he prepared me for what I knew I had to do. And I did it. I gave my life for the world. Because if I learned anything in my time as slayer, it was to be selfless. He taught me that. Taught me, without actually saying it, that my life wasn’t really mine. I belonged to the world. I was the only person who could save it. And I did.
And it still didn’t end.
I came back. And he left.
Left me alone. To deal with the weight on my shoulders I carried from being ripped out of heaven by my friends. And he knew. He knew all of that and he just left me. And I still don’t want to forgive him for it.
I know why he did it. I understand why he did it. But to this day I can’t accept that he did it. I can’t live with the things I did while he was gone. I can’t help but think if he had been here it all would have been different. Everything. Everyone. It all would have been different.
But he came back. And I was happy to see him back. We needed him then more than ever. But in he betrayed me.
Lied to me.
And I thought I was done. I told him I was done.
“No, I think you‘ve taught me everything I need to know,” I slammed the door in his face.
I can’t imagine what he felt in that moment. I don’t even like to think about how much I hurt him. After all he did for me.
And here we are. Sunnydale is gone. We are standing at the base of the crater that was the place where we went through everything together.
We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve seen each other at our best and worse. But I think that out of everyone I know, he’s the one I wouldn’t even think of sacrificing for anything.
We may not be as close as we used to be, but without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am. If anyone else had been my watcher, I may have ended up like every slayer before me.
Cold. Heartless. Friendless. Without Love.
But I didn’t. Because he taught me that I could have all of that, and still be the chosen one. Destiny wasn’t supposed to stand in your way.
And for all of that I am grateful to have had him, and still have him in my life.
Title: Through The Years
Rating: Eh. PG
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Spoilers: The entire series, seasons 1-7.
Pairing: Buffy/Giles (non-shippy)
Teaser: A look back through the years.
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
Other Notes: Written for buffygirl43, who wanted a Buffy/Giles reflection piece for the Buffy Fic A Thon.
It almost doesn’t feel like seven years since it all started.
That first day in the library could have been yesterday as well as I remember it.
“I know what you’re looking for,” Giles pulled out the large book from behind the counter.
It scared me. To see that book. I wasn’t seeing it. My mind was playing tricks on me.
“That’s not what I’m looking for.”
Little did I know what was in store. What we would eventually go through together. I remember not really thinking he could understand me. Not thinking he could even remember what it was like to be sixteen and find out that your whole entire life has been planned for you. I didn’t even have a say in it. I found out later, neither did he.
We bonded that day. We found we had something in common. Something that no one else could understand. We had been forced into the world my friends had chosen. They wanted to help. I couldn’t decide for myself. Neither could Giles.
A part of me had wanted to believe he had chosen this life. But just as I had been told it was my duty, so had he.
The night I died at the hands of the master, he tried to take my place. I never told him how grateful I was for that. But I was. It was good to know someone was there for me. No matter what. Even if I did hit him with my mean right hook. It was my duty, not his.
I also remember finding out he was human. He had a past that he wasn’t proud of just like anyone else. He had made mistakes. He had rebelled. I guess I had held him up on a pedestal for so long, that I thought he didn’t make mistakes. Finding out that he had was comforting in a way. It assured me that people could change. People could grow up. I could learn to accept things the way they were and not fight it.
When Angel became Angelus because of me, he never lectured. Never told me what a huge mistake I had made. Even when Angel killed the woman he loved, he never blamed me, even when I blamed myself. And I did. In some ways I still do. But Giles would never and will never blame me.
I think when I ran away he was more happy to see me back in Sunnydale than I was happy to be back. Senior year.
That was probably one of the roughest in all my years in Sunnydale. So much happened.
The moment he go fired I felt like my world was collapsing. To think for even a split second that I would have to do this without him. I couldn’t. Couldn’t conceive it. I knew I couldn’t do it. I was so dependent on him. Which looking back on it, was probably a bad thing. But I was an eighteen year old girl. I felt like no one really understood me, and he had been constant. Through everything he had been there. I felt like I needed that.
After high school. After severing my ties with the council. It was strange having no reason to see him every day. But I found ways. I still needed him, even if he didn’t want to admit it. And I don’t think he did. I think he felt better telling himself that I was grown. That I was ready to move on with my life without a watcher. And I was.
But by that time I saw him as so much more. He was a friend. Part of an extended family that I couldn’t live without.
After a year of trying my damnedest to do what he wanted and be on my own, I had to let him know that I needed him to be my watcher again. I wasn’t done learning. There was so much more. More than I ever even expected.
That year he prepared me for what I knew I had to do. And I did it. I gave my life for the world. Because if I learned anything in my time as slayer, it was to be selfless. He taught me that. Taught me, without actually saying it, that my life wasn’t really mine. I belonged to the world. I was the only person who could save it. And I did.
And it still didn’t end.
I came back. And he left.
Left me alone. To deal with the weight on my shoulders I carried from being ripped out of heaven by my friends. And he knew. He knew all of that and he just left me. And I still don’t want to forgive him for it.
I know why he did it. I understand why he did it. But to this day I can’t accept that he did it. I can’t live with the things I did while he was gone. I can’t help but think if he had been here it all would have been different. Everything. Everyone. It all would have been different.
But he came back. And I was happy to see him back. We needed him then more than ever. But in he betrayed me.
Lied to me.
And I thought I was done. I told him I was done.
“No, I think you‘ve taught me everything I need to know,” I slammed the door in his face.
I can’t imagine what he felt in that moment. I don’t even like to think about how much I hurt him. After all he did for me.
And here we are. Sunnydale is gone. We are standing at the base of the crater that was the place where we went through everything together.
We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve seen each other at our best and worse. But I think that out of everyone I know, he’s the one I wouldn’t even think of sacrificing for anything.
We may not be as close as we used to be, but without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am. If anyone else had been my watcher, I may have ended up like every slayer before me.
Cold. Heartless. Friendless. Without Love.
But I didn’t. Because he taught me that I could have all of that, and still be the chosen one. Destiny wasn’t supposed to stand in your way.
And for all of that I am grateful to have had him, and still have him in my life.