(no subject)
after talking to marlee today i realized something. everyone else got to tell how they felt about this cast list. and i kept my mouth shut about it. and i cant anymore. not that you guys are going to get my specific opinions, but maybe since no one really heard much from me last week, you guys will just read this and realize what last week was like for me. im not writing this to get a rise out of anyone (although im sure someone will take it the wrong way) but i just need to clear the air.
last week was the hardest week of my life because i was so torn. i had very strong opinions concerning the cast list and i cant tell them to anyone. literally. because telling them would either betray my friends who missed out on parts or betray the people who were actually cast in these roles. neither of which can be done. see, what people dont understand is that im the liason between the adults and the students. and last week the students wanted me to side with them because i am a student (and trust me in some instances i did) and the adults expect me to be mature and respectful towards them and their decisions. and so i was torn between what i wanted to do and what i was expected to do. and i chose to stick with what i was expected to do, because in a way it was what i wanted to do because i didnt want to hurt peoples feelings.
it was just really sad that people took my "get over it" to mean i dont care. because i did care. more than you all will ever know. but i also found it unfair that everyone expected me to handle all of the whining and all of the bitching when the casting was not my decision. it was hard to deal with so i tried the cold shoulder. which was a bad choice on my part, and im sorry about that.
i guess what i just really wanted you all to know was that while people were at home depressed and crying because they didnt get the parts that they wanted and felt that they deserved, i was at home crying and depressed too. because i was feeling for all of you, whether i agreed with you or not. i know what disappointment is like. maybe not always in theatre, but everyone has to deal with rejection in some way and trust me ive been there. so please just realize that i wasnt trying to be a bitch, but i was having just as much trouble handling the pain as everyone else.
last week was the hardest week of my life because i was so torn. i had very strong opinions concerning the cast list and i cant tell them to anyone. literally. because telling them would either betray my friends who missed out on parts or betray the people who were actually cast in these roles. neither of which can be done. see, what people dont understand is that im the liason between the adults and the students. and last week the students wanted me to side with them because i am a student (and trust me in some instances i did) and the adults expect me to be mature and respectful towards them and their decisions. and so i was torn between what i wanted to do and what i was expected to do. and i chose to stick with what i was expected to do, because in a way it was what i wanted to do because i didnt want to hurt peoples feelings.
it was just really sad that people took my "get over it" to mean i dont care. because i did care. more than you all will ever know. but i also found it unfair that everyone expected me to handle all of the whining and all of the bitching when the casting was not my decision. it was hard to deal with so i tried the cold shoulder. which was a bad choice on my part, and im sorry about that.
i guess what i just really wanted you all to know was that while people were at home depressed and crying because they didnt get the parts that they wanted and felt that they deserved, i was at home crying and depressed too. because i was feeling for all of you, whether i agreed with you or not. i know what disappointment is like. maybe not always in theatre, but everyone has to deal with rejection in some way and trust me ive been there. so please just realize that i wasnt trying to be a bitch, but i was having just as much trouble handling the pain as everyone else.