(no subject)
I guess it's about time I posted an entry. Without a laptop or internet access at home, this has kind of fallen by the wayside.
I am already considering hoboism as an alternative to life as I know it. I am having really big problems with anxiety and I recognize that I probably need professional/medical help with it, but (and there's always a but) I can't admit defeat yet. In a lot of ways, it is very like admitting defeat. I know that tons of people cannot cope without medication and/or professional help and it's not their fault, there's nothing they can do about it by themselves, etc., but I'm independent (read: stubborn) enough to not enjoy the thought of not being able to control my life/emotions/feelings/whatever. It's a problem I identify big time with my mom and as she's not the ideal role model for anyone but...well, no one, it's hard to fess up.
That's not to say that I am completely ready to give up and hit the self-destruct button. Things have also been going really well, which pisses me off and frustrates me in its own way. Sometimes it's so easy to forget or put aside how stressed and depressed I am and have an honest-to-Nothing good time but as soon as I have five minutes to think, it's like my face wants to get real friendly-like with that infamous brick wall. My classes, for the most part, have been really interesting. I love my World Affairs course and the professor is amazing. I am learning how to better myself as a terrorist in my CJ class. CFI and Voices have played a big part in keeping me afloat. It's so nice to get behind a cause you can really believe in, maybe just because it's somewhere to belong. No matter how good I think I am at being alone, I am a human and therefore a naturally social creature. Being such a creature, I couldn't have picked two better groups to throw myself into. Thank you Sara for enabling Voices to exist. Big props to having the ovaries to lead such a contraversial but very much amazing group. I am geekily excited for all the upcoming lectures, events and discussions this year. I went to my first one of the year with Sara and Tammy. It was a panel discussion on the N-word and the B-word which focused mainly on hip-hop's portrayal of the AA population. It reminded me, yet again, how woefully behind the times I am regarding the news. When I tried to brush up on the news, I was instantly reminded why it's so easy to turn a blind eye to current society: it's SO FUCKING DEPRESSING.
There's a case going on in Jena, LA where 6 (dubbed the Jena 6) African American high school boys are being tried for their lives for (I believe) aggravated assault, conspiracy and attempted murder of a white student. The town of Jena is roughly 85% white and being in the deep south, racism still runs deep. A black student asked school officials if he could sit under a tree at break that was basically a "white-only" spot. The next day, three nooses were hung from the tree. The parents weren't told about the incident and the three kids accused of hanging the nooses weren't even expelled. The jury on the case consisted solely of white people and it's said that they turned out the verdict in a ludicrously short period of time. The boy's public defender didn't challenge the jury selection and didn't call any witnesses in his defense. The NAACP has taken up the case, fortunately. What the fuck Louisiana??? Way to live with your heads up your asses. It alternatively makes me love and hate the idea of practicing law. Besides the fact that it's going to take me 20 years and thousands of dollars, law can go so awry. Granted, they did kick the shit out of the guy (he has a mullet, I think. totally irrelevant) and it was 6 on 1, but what about the mitigating circumstances? Life in prison? Really?