Candlelight
Look, I'm updating when I am feeling an emotion other than blank, stuffy numbness! Yay!
Spent the weekend in the company of friends, that exhausting and precious rarity. On Saturday, I attended Moon's birthday party and brought a recently returned Hannah with me. Driving through the drizzle there and back, we had good talks about the impending future. She aired her recent grievances; I think she's got a really clear head on her shoulders in regards to this clusterfuck, and I trust her judgement. I made her promise that if J ever died, leaving me either alone or bechilded, she would be the one to make sure I didn't sell everything I own to buy an RV and run. These are the things that keep me up at night. We talked about the house, and the possibility of children, and career stuff. It condenses into the same cloud of uncertainties: where am I going, what am I doing? I don't know, I can't know right now. My crystal ball has dropped and the insides have fractured.
Moon's was nice for seeing friends, awkward in other ways. Probably going to write a private post about that stuff, as it involves Things that are not my Things, and do not need airing without permission.
It took me the better part of Sunday to get the house clean, and it squeaked across the finish line 15 minutes before the first person arrived for the evening Imbolc gathering. I have not thrown a party in years (and never expect a soul to come) so I aimed low, and the amount of food and hot chocolate we had on hand was perfect. It was a lovely evening-- we put Too Cute on the television, and talked to the background of kittens and puppies; played telephone Pictionary and lit Imbolc candles. A very sweet night in both munching and company. After folks left, J hit the grocery store and I had a few moments of calm and quiet to stare at all the shiny little candlelight.
Ah, magick. That's what you feel like. Just a little bit, a smidgen, but detectable.
Still feel like 2014 is going to be a good year.
Spent the weekend in the company of friends, that exhausting and precious rarity. On Saturday, I attended Moon's birthday party and brought a recently returned Hannah with me. Driving through the drizzle there and back, we had good talks about the impending future. She aired her recent grievances; I think she's got a really clear head on her shoulders in regards to this clusterfuck, and I trust her judgement. I made her promise that if J ever died, leaving me either alone or bechilded, she would be the one to make sure I didn't sell everything I own to buy an RV and run. These are the things that keep me up at night. We talked about the house, and the possibility of children, and career stuff. It condenses into the same cloud of uncertainties: where am I going, what am I doing? I don't know, I can't know right now. My crystal ball has dropped and the insides have fractured.
Moon's was nice for seeing friends, awkward in other ways. Probably going to write a private post about that stuff, as it involves Things that are not my Things, and do not need airing without permission.
It took me the better part of Sunday to get the house clean, and it squeaked across the finish line 15 minutes before the first person arrived for the evening Imbolc gathering. I have not thrown a party in years (and never expect a soul to come) so I aimed low, and the amount of food and hot chocolate we had on hand was perfect. It was a lovely evening-- we put Too Cute on the television, and talked to the background of kittens and puppies; played telephone Pictionary and lit Imbolc candles. A very sweet night in both munching and company. After folks left, J hit the grocery store and I had a few moments of calm and quiet to stare at all the shiny little candlelight.
Ah, magick. That's what you feel like. Just a little bit, a smidgen, but detectable.
Still feel like 2014 is going to be a good year.