i run through this red light
mm...9 in the morning and i haven't gone to sleep yet.
just got made love to, and i'm wide-awake.
i couldn't even begin to talk about how i feel, because i'm feeling a billion different things a second at different times of every day...
my feelings are back and forth like i've never had the nightmare of experiencing before...what a pain.
i want her. i don't. i love her...i do. why all of this bullshit then? i'm scared. i'm so scared out of my mind that if i give myself over...she'll fuck me up just like the others did. and i mean the others...because, with out fail, every single person that i have had a somewhat to extremely serious relationship with, has hurt me. why love someone or something if you're just going to lose it one day anyway? you put forth all of this emotion, put all of your heart and soul into it, you love it, care for it, breathe for it...all for nothing. doesn't that seem like a whole lot of heartache and waste of time?
does that explain it all? fuck if i know.
i know that i can look at her, and find her so fucking adorable, or sexy...or hot...and totally adore her in that moment...then the very next day...or even hours later. i don't want her...or anything from her. is that my mind's way of dealing with all the bullshit that has happened to me?
good day
bad day...
keeps going.
it's a rollercoaster and i don't know when it's going to end...or whether i should buckle up for the bumpy ride.
why do i make things so fucking hard for her?
she's the most gentle person i've ever met, generous, and so sweet. she's the best kisser i've ever kissed, she'll stay sick for a month because she hates the doctor, she annunciates her "c's," and "k's" in a way that i love, her eyes are prettier than anyone's i've ever seen, she has an adorable mole right above her belly button, full lips, long lashes, nice tits...and totally willing to be mine.
ah. i ache.
just got made love to, and i'm wide-awake.
i couldn't even begin to talk about how i feel, because i'm feeling a billion different things a second at different times of every day...
my feelings are back and forth like i've never had the nightmare of experiencing before...what a pain.
i want her. i don't. i love her...i do. why all of this bullshit then? i'm scared. i'm so scared out of my mind that if i give myself over...she'll fuck me up just like the others did. and i mean the others...because, with out fail, every single person that i have had a somewhat to extremely serious relationship with, has hurt me. why love someone or something if you're just going to lose it one day anyway? you put forth all of this emotion, put all of your heart and soul into it, you love it, care for it, breathe for it...all for nothing. doesn't that seem like a whole lot of heartache and waste of time?
does that explain it all? fuck if i know.
i know that i can look at her, and find her so fucking adorable, or sexy...or hot...and totally adore her in that moment...then the very next day...or even hours later. i don't want her...or anything from her. is that my mind's way of dealing with all the bullshit that has happened to me?
good day
bad day...
keeps going.
it's a rollercoaster and i don't know when it's going to end...or whether i should buckle up for the bumpy ride.
why do i make things so fucking hard for her?
she's the most gentle person i've ever met, generous, and so sweet. she's the best kisser i've ever kissed, she'll stay sick for a month because she hates the doctor, she annunciates her "c's," and "k's" in a way that i love, her eyes are prettier than anyone's i've ever seen, she has an adorable mole right above her belly button, full lips, long lashes, nice tits...and totally willing to be mine.
ah. i ache.