MTO mother fuckers
Sheetz...made-to-order my ass.
Honey Mustard you shitbrains. I ordered a sandwich with honey mustard and get some nasty horseradish on it...what the hell? So yeah...Lauren switched me sandwiches just like Ben would do...why is that? Why do I surround myself with people who have the "gentleman" gene? Cuz I'm a lady? Ha! A little...maybe just a little. At least, I'd like to think so...
Anyway...if anyone is interested...I wrote! Like an actual piece! Yay...and here it is, for anyone who's interested:
Where do I begin, and what do I even want to say?
Thoughts have been flying through my head lately faster and in a more intense fashion than ever before in my life. I used to write daily...multiple times a day. Now inspiration strikes so seldomly, that I feel I can barely call myself a “writer.”
I can honestly say that I could be so much happier than I am currently in my life. Months ago all I could think about was finding that perfect woman, and living a long happy, gay life. Now, now.....what? Where am I now? Now I’m balls-to-the-wall in love with women. Not that I wasn’t before, but I was completely celibate from women for an entire 3 years...having finally put down all defenses and admitted to my being gay...I want it all. I want the lesbian world in the palm of my hand...women lining up for my viewing pleasure. They’re just so beautiful. I can’t help but to want practically every attractive woman I see.
Confusion sets in, and now I’m battling with myself.
Is homosexuality wrong?
I grew up in an extremely strict baptist home. It was beaten into my brain that being a homosexual would condemn you to hell for all eternity. Having just done a bit of research online about homosexuality references in the Bible pointed out as being wrong...my brain is whirling. Is it wrong to be gay? Could it be? I feel so strongly about who I am...or rather certain aspects of who I am, that even if I were led to believe that it was wrong...I’m not so sure I’d be able to change. I very, strongly feel I’m gay. As gay as they come...and, I don’t think that there is anything in this world or outside of it for that matter that could make me unattracted to the female form. Am I blessed or am I cursed? Am I branded as “different?” I wonder what people would say.
Mere weeks into being involved in a lesbian relationship, sitting on the back of a girl’s car...kissing...and only kissing, in the parking lot of the condos where I live...a woman finds the nerve to walk out of her home, and onto her balcony, to make her feeling of our actions known. She said that we should be ashamed, that what we were doing was abominable. I felt true anger in my heart for this woman. My only words to her were simply, “I think that you should go back into your home and talk to God.” Meaning...ask God what is really wrong. Is it really so wrong for two women or two men to love eachother in the same way that a man is supposed to love a woman? I wish that some people would just stop and ask themselves what is so strange about it. Do some serious soul-searching rather than letting their church do the talking for them. With that, don’t watch me engaged in a passionate moment with my lesbian lover if it bothers you. Why go out of your way to start an argument? How easy would it have been for her to have not spread open her mini-blinds and carve us open with her prying eyes? It was her watching us...We did not knock on her front door and start fondling right infront of her. I feel that some people are so ignorant...that they can not think for themselves...if this were not the case, maybe we’d live in a much more individualistic world.
Through all of the soul-searching and delving deep into my heart and mind looking for answers to my endless questions...I find I still am a little lost. A part of me feels that I’ll forever be a little girl lost in strange dark world filled with smoke and mirrors...like I’ll never figure out who I am or what I’m here for. All I can do is trust in myself and my own decisions, and know that some day I’ll have so much more figured out than I do now.
Honey Mustard you shitbrains. I ordered a sandwich with honey mustard and get some nasty horseradish on it...what the hell? So yeah...Lauren switched me sandwiches just like Ben would do...why is that? Why do I surround myself with people who have the "gentleman" gene? Cuz I'm a lady? Ha! A little...maybe just a little. At least, I'd like to think so...
Anyway...if anyone is interested...I wrote! Like an actual piece! Yay...and here it is, for anyone who's interested:
Where do I begin, and what do I even want to say?
Thoughts have been flying through my head lately faster and in a more intense fashion than ever before in my life. I used to write daily...multiple times a day. Now inspiration strikes so seldomly, that I feel I can barely call myself a “writer.”
I can honestly say that I could be so much happier than I am currently in my life. Months ago all I could think about was finding that perfect woman, and living a long happy, gay life. Now, now.....what? Where am I now? Now I’m balls-to-the-wall in love with women. Not that I wasn’t before, but I was completely celibate from women for an entire 3 years...having finally put down all defenses and admitted to my being gay...I want it all. I want the lesbian world in the palm of my hand...women lining up for my viewing pleasure. They’re just so beautiful. I can’t help but to want practically every attractive woman I see.
Confusion sets in, and now I’m battling with myself.
Is homosexuality wrong?
I grew up in an extremely strict baptist home. It was beaten into my brain that being a homosexual would condemn you to hell for all eternity. Having just done a bit of research online about homosexuality references in the Bible pointed out as being wrong...my brain is whirling. Is it wrong to be gay? Could it be? I feel so strongly about who I am...or rather certain aspects of who I am, that even if I were led to believe that it was wrong...I’m not so sure I’d be able to change. I very, strongly feel I’m gay. As gay as they come...and, I don’t think that there is anything in this world or outside of it for that matter that could make me unattracted to the female form. Am I blessed or am I cursed? Am I branded as “different?” I wonder what people would say.
Mere weeks into being involved in a lesbian relationship, sitting on the back of a girl’s car...kissing...and only kissing, in the parking lot of the condos where I live...a woman finds the nerve to walk out of her home, and onto her balcony, to make her feeling of our actions known. She said that we should be ashamed, that what we were doing was abominable. I felt true anger in my heart for this woman. My only words to her were simply, “I think that you should go back into your home and talk to God.” Meaning...ask God what is really wrong. Is it really so wrong for two women or two men to love eachother in the same way that a man is supposed to love a woman? I wish that some people would just stop and ask themselves what is so strange about it. Do some serious soul-searching rather than letting their church do the talking for them. With that, don’t watch me engaged in a passionate moment with my lesbian lover if it bothers you. Why go out of your way to start an argument? How easy would it have been for her to have not spread open her mini-blinds and carve us open with her prying eyes? It was her watching us...We did not knock on her front door and start fondling right infront of her. I feel that some people are so ignorant...that they can not think for themselves...if this were not the case, maybe we’d live in a much more individualistic world.
Through all of the soul-searching and delving deep into my heart and mind looking for answers to my endless questions...I find I still am a little lost. A part of me feels that I’ll forever be a little girl lost in strange dark world filled with smoke and mirrors...like I’ll never figure out who I am or what I’m here for. All I can do is trust in myself and my own decisions, and know that some day I’ll have so much more figured out than I do now.