(no subject)
i named it meridith in honor of jack cause i miss him.
i miss mario. he hasnt called me in a while and he hasnt been online in a long time. everytime i remember i want to call him it's too late i dont want to wake up his house and he has no cellphone. its his birthday on the 7th. everyones probly like ew why do you miss him. well i dont know me and him are just weird. me and him have had all different kinds of relationships. best friends, friends with benefits, boyfriend and girlfriend the week when we first met. and then he fucked me up for the next year and a half. he eventually told me he loved me and i couldnt believe it i said you too and he said no say it. but he wouldnt be with me and everything was so fucked. so im not sure i guess he was my first love but it was kind of dysfunctional. that was so long ago. and now we're in the relationship where he doesnt talk to me for a month and then he calls me a few times. and then he doesnt talk to me for another month and then he calls me a few times. im glad i dont have feelings for him anymore its kind of cool i never thought i'd get over him. hes the only person i am capable of talking to for hours on the phone. and because of that we know everything about each other. we used to stay up on the phone till the sun came up every night. (yeah i had terrible grades that year due to the depression over him and the lack of sleep) and he just wouldnt be with me. the whole stupid thing with katie. his mind games killed me but in a way they made me stronger because i know that if i could get over mario, i can eventually forget ryan for good. anyway. i keep talking all out of order. i wish mario would call me. i know all of my friends dont like him for what he did to me but im so over it. hes my pal. i feel bad for laura though cause shes been with him so much longer and taken soooooooo much more crap from him. i dont know why im writing about this. well its my journal and thats what im thinking about.