(no subject)
this is retarded. i was actually excited to come home, but i still feel like i havent come home from florida. i had to come "home" to a place unfamiliar. i havent seen brandon yet which, (i havent showed this at all) is killing me. so i come to this place that some of my family like to call home and i dont even have a room. yeah, to some this could be considered a home but to me this is nothing but four walls and a cushion. ive been feeling completely alone ever since i got home and every place that ive been so far since ive been back ive felt like i dont belong at that place or with those people.
tonight gabby came with me and my family to my brothers concert in sacramento and that is the ONE time ive actually felt partially home.
but still, i feel out of place, alone, unwanted, and unloved.
THEN im really scared about school for quite a few reasons that i really dont feel like getting into for fear of seeping back into depression.
my hearing SUCKS and i need to get that checked out, ive been getting these weird panic attacks a lot and they feel like a mild heart attack, i need to get a catscan because my memory is becoming severely short term, i need to figure out something in order to get out of this place, and i NEED to see brandon.
in conclusion
im going to sit, stare at the computer screen, and think about what im going to do about all of this.
tonight gabby came with me and my family to my brothers concert in sacramento and that is the ONE time ive actually felt partially home.
but still, i feel out of place, alone, unwanted, and unloved.
THEN im really scared about school for quite a few reasons that i really dont feel like getting into for fear of seeping back into depression.
my hearing SUCKS and i need to get that checked out, ive been getting these weird panic attacks a lot and they feel like a mild heart attack, i need to get a catscan because my memory is becoming severely short term, i need to figure out something in order to get out of this place, and i NEED to see brandon.
in conclusion
im going to sit, stare at the computer screen, and think about what im going to do about all of this.