Don't most rebellions start with a betrayal?
I've been quite good lately, with going to the gym and occasionally eating foods that aren't chocolate (shut up, it was Easter). I even lost a few pounds, which is really really hard for me. I started getting into the groove of workouts and conquered the damned elliptical machine - things were good.
My body seems to have regrouped after its initial shock and awe at the new situation, and has staged a rebellion. Yesterday - yesterday, it was as if I'd never worked out before, ever, in my entire life. Though not physically apparent, I am quite an active person. I do stuff. I was a dancer for 17 years. As an actor, I took movement classes and breathing classes. I do kickboxing and pilates. Yet my body decided, no.
First, my calves started screaming. SCREAMING. And locked up. I meekly took the extra height off my step and kept going, however. Then, my feet started to hurt. A lot. Now, sometimes that happens I may have a neurological problem in my feet that I've been ignoring despite doctors teling me to see a specialist because fuck it, I don;t want there to be more things wrong with me and I'm sure it's nothing, but this time hurt a lot worse than usual. I stopped. Stretched. And realized, for the first time ever, that I may not be able to complete a class today. I did the rest of the routine on the floor, behind my step, and figured the rest of the class would just assume that whatever, I'm fat, so why wouldn't this be hard for me. Even though most classes, I kick all their asses and go home thinking maybe that class is way too easy for me.
After the routine, nausea set in. Nausea? WTF, body? That's just playing unfair. When I was pretty sure I was going to throw up, I had to walk out of the class, skipping the final 5 minutes of abs because I couldn;t fathom doing crunches. I LIKE doing abs. I am good at them. Fuck. I was still for the rest of the night at home and went to bed early.
I was so sure I'd wake up today with the flu, or that my calves would be screaming again from the workout, but no. I'm fine. Perfectly. It was just a rebellion. My body likes being fat and is fighting to stay so.
Then, suddenly, this morning? Nosebleed. As if to remind me who's in control. I have had a nosebleed maybe once in my life. Maybe.
A worthy opponent. This round to you...
My body seems to have regrouped after its initial shock and awe at the new situation, and has staged a rebellion. Yesterday - yesterday, it was as if I'd never worked out before, ever, in my entire life. Though not physically apparent, I am quite an active person. I do stuff. I was a dancer for 17 years. As an actor, I took movement classes and breathing classes. I do kickboxing and pilates. Yet my body decided, no.
First, my calves started screaming. SCREAMING. And locked up. I meekly took the extra height off my step and kept going, however. Then, my feet started to hurt. A lot. Now, sometimes that happens I may have a neurological problem in my feet that I've been ignoring despite doctors teling me to see a specialist because fuck it, I don;t want there to be more things wrong with me and I'm sure it's nothing, but this time hurt a lot worse than usual. I stopped. Stretched. And realized, for the first time ever, that I may not be able to complete a class today. I did the rest of the routine on the floor, behind my step, and figured the rest of the class would just assume that whatever, I'm fat, so why wouldn't this be hard for me. Even though most classes, I kick all their asses and go home thinking maybe that class is way too easy for me.
After the routine, nausea set in. Nausea? WTF, body? That's just playing unfair. When I was pretty sure I was going to throw up, I had to walk out of the class, skipping the final 5 minutes of abs because I couldn;t fathom doing crunches. I LIKE doing abs. I am good at them. Fuck. I was still for the rest of the night at home and went to bed early.
I was so sure I'd wake up today with the flu, or that my calves would be screaming again from the workout, but no. I'm fine. Perfectly. It was just a rebellion. My body likes being fat and is fighting to stay so.
Then, suddenly, this morning? Nosebleed. As if to remind me who's in control. I have had a nosebleed maybe once in my life. Maybe.
A worthy opponent. This round to you...