Positivity
I've managed to write nearly 1600 words today, more than I've written in a day for months. I'm pretty sure that's a positive. I seem to have ground to a halt with the house clearing, but it's not going anywhere (more's the pity :)). I'm off to my counseling in a little while. I've been thinking about the whole thing this last fortnight and I think maybe I've been taking some poor advice,
You know the standard 'live each day as if it was your last', well I haven't been doing that but I think I've been living my life with an expectation that I was going to die soon which has translated itself into a similar approach. "I could tidy up, but what's the point, I'll be dead soon." Now there are reasons for feeling like that, I'm already older than one of my siblings managed and less than ten years younger than my sister when she died and my dad when he did (which is a scary thought, it's been a long time). But here's the thing, living life expecting to die doesn't really work very well, especially when you combine it with a tendency to being idle was well.
The state of the house is not my fault, or at least not solely my fault, but it will remain this way, making my life difficult and more of a worry than it has to be until I do something about it. So that's what I've started doing. And it's OK that I don't make big strides every day, I can't expect to clear up 17 years of rubbish (it's 17 years ago Sunday since my mum died and more or less since my sister got ill) in two days, it's OK if it takes some time.
Anyway enough of my rambling :)
You know the standard 'live each day as if it was your last', well I haven't been doing that but I think I've been living my life with an expectation that I was going to die soon which has translated itself into a similar approach. "I could tidy up, but what's the point, I'll be dead soon." Now there are reasons for feeling like that, I'm already older than one of my siblings managed and less than ten years younger than my sister when she died and my dad when he did (which is a scary thought, it's been a long time). But here's the thing, living life expecting to die doesn't really work very well, especially when you combine it with a tendency to being idle was well.
The state of the house is not my fault, or at least not solely my fault, but it will remain this way, making my life difficult and more of a worry than it has to be until I do something about it. So that's what I've started doing. And it's OK that I don't make big strides every day, I can't expect to clear up 17 years of rubbish (it's 17 years ago Sunday since my mum died and more or less since my sister got ill) in two days, it's OK if it takes some time.
Anyway enough of my rambling :)