Wow!
It's Saturday night and I'm home.....all alone.....drinking!
To think where I was just 2 years ago.....makes me wonder if I'm happy.
I know I was happy then, or at least entertained! and tonight I'm drinking alone.
I am finally happy with who I am and what I look like, but is that happiness clouding my life?
Am I so happy about reaching that milestone, that I think I am truely happy?
I don't know the answers to these questions or any others that I have tonight....and I don't know who can answer them for me.
I want to go to the club tonight and dance it off in something sexy with a couple people I just met to laugh with...but I can't.
If I did...I would have big problems with Jon.
I don't know what to do with him right now. We aren't having any problems or fights....but when I do anything without him...he goes crazy....but with him there, I can't talk to anyone but him.
So I am at a loss. I can't understand that about him. I guess he just worries because I'm young and blah blah blah but isn't it my choice?
I guess I need to decide if I want the independent life that I said I would never give up, but have...or be with Jon and become wife and mom. (He has been pushing marriage a lot lately, which I did in the beginning but he knew it was because he was my first...so what's his excuse?)
Why can't I have it all? Why can't Jon be that loving boyfriend that loves me unconditionally when I want him to and then be the guy that just wants me to have fun when I want him to?
I guess it's my fault...I rushed into this relationship at 16 without thinking that I should have had fun while I could have gotten to. Now I wish I could but I'm too busy being 30 than 18.
I'm gonna go now and drink until I pass out so everybody else....Have a great Saturday night!!!
To think where I was just 2 years ago.....makes me wonder if I'm happy.
I know I was happy then, or at least entertained! and tonight I'm drinking alone.
I am finally happy with who I am and what I look like, but is that happiness clouding my life?
Am I so happy about reaching that milestone, that I think I am truely happy?
I don't know the answers to these questions or any others that I have tonight....and I don't know who can answer them for me.
I want to go to the club tonight and dance it off in something sexy with a couple people I just met to laugh with...but I can't.
If I did...I would have big problems with Jon.
I don't know what to do with him right now. We aren't having any problems or fights....but when I do anything without him...he goes crazy....but with him there, I can't talk to anyone but him.
So I am at a loss. I can't understand that about him. I guess he just worries because I'm young and blah blah blah but isn't it my choice?
I guess I need to decide if I want the independent life that I said I would never give up, but have...or be with Jon and become wife and mom. (He has been pushing marriage a lot lately, which I did in the beginning but he knew it was because he was my first...so what's his excuse?)
Why can't I have it all? Why can't Jon be that loving boyfriend that loves me unconditionally when I want him to and then be the guy that just wants me to have fun when I want him to?
I guess it's my fault...I rushed into this relationship at 16 without thinking that I should have had fun while I could have gotten to. Now I wish I could but I'm too busy being 30 than 18.
I'm gonna go now and drink until I pass out so everybody else....Have a great Saturday night!!!