No clue at all
Lately things seem to be off on a detour of their own. I'm not sure how. Recently, I've just not felt like I'm steering the boat. I seem to come out of a trance and find myself living someone else's life. I'm not sure if it's getting used to still adjusting to the changes, or if I'm actually that much different and haven't noticed. Who knows? Sometimes I get feelings mixed up with reality. There are moments where I'm not sure which is which.
At any rate, I think the reality thing will be better as winter either comes back or moves on. I seem to be the most impaired during transition months with large differences in temperature. Here February is to me a transition month. We'll often go from temperatures below 20' to over 50' in a few weeks. No matter what, it signals the true end of winter here. If we get any more large amounts of snowfall they will melt within 48 hrs. And the daytime temps will go higher after each cold spell. Swear, I need at least 4 months of good, solid, winter in order to appreciate anything else. Why the hell am I still in the west??
I believe my latest hottie may have lost a little interest. I think that he has decided that he's "captured" me, or I've "fallen" for him. Whichever. I haven't. Wouldn't even if not for some huge barriers other than age. Doesn't matter. He's fun to be with. So once he figures out that I'm not in love with him, hopefully we'll see each other more often. Who knows? I can hardly remember what it felt like to be 32. I don't want to keep him. I just want to borrow him for awhile. I don't know how much I want to get inside a head that young...way better than under 30; but still. There are some things in life I don't need to go through again. Maybe that's why I'm having a second romp through my early adulthood; I had all the bad stuff but no time for the good. It makes sense after a drink and such, though; even if later today I don't have a clue what the point was.
So I suppose I'm getting somewhere in my life. I have not one fucking clue where. But it IS somewhere.
At any rate, I think the reality thing will be better as winter either comes back or moves on. I seem to be the most impaired during transition months with large differences in temperature. Here February is to me a transition month. We'll often go from temperatures below 20' to over 50' in a few weeks. No matter what, it signals the true end of winter here. If we get any more large amounts of snowfall they will melt within 48 hrs. And the daytime temps will go higher after each cold spell. Swear, I need at least 4 months of good, solid, winter in order to appreciate anything else. Why the hell am I still in the west??
I believe my latest hottie may have lost a little interest. I think that he has decided that he's "captured" me, or I've "fallen" for him. Whichever. I haven't. Wouldn't even if not for some huge barriers other than age. Doesn't matter. He's fun to be with. So once he figures out that I'm not in love with him, hopefully we'll see each other more often. Who knows? I can hardly remember what it felt like to be 32. I don't want to keep him. I just want to borrow him for awhile. I don't know how much I want to get inside a head that young...way better than under 30; but still. There are some things in life I don't need to go through again. Maybe that's why I'm having a second romp through my early adulthood; I had all the bad stuff but no time for the good. It makes sense after a drink and such, though; even if later today I don't have a clue what the point was.
So I suppose I'm getting somewhere in my life. I have not one fucking clue where. But it IS somewhere.