The Unrequited Middle [FanFic]
Title: The Unrequited Middle
Author: Tooks
Pairing: Hotch/Reid, Reid/Ethan
Rating: FRT
Summary: Even without returning their overtures Reid still finds himself stuck between both Hotch and Ethan.
Notes: This is AU but there are Season 5 spoilers. Another of my "Breaking the Bonds" series and this one picks up right after The Big What If There's a bit of drinking, bit of flirting, and open discussion of sexuality...it's also super short (thought it'd be longer, but nope, haha).
Aaron left David’s feeling pretty good…better than he had when he’d come to the house, most certainly. David was just one person, one person out there that now knew, but he was an important one. One whose opinion had mattered to Hotch for years and still did.
He dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone. Despite the dangers while driving he skimmed the address book, found Spencer’s number, and hit SEND. It was answered on the second ring.
“Hello?” Spencer had never gotten the formal phone introduction routine down and Aaron smiled at that fact.
“I told him, Spencer, he knows.”
“About us?”
“Yes.”
Spencer went quiet in thought a moment and then spoke. “And?”
“And he’s…he’s fine with it.” Aaron let out a chuckle. “God speed and all that.”
“And what about you?”
“How do you mean?”
“Are you fine with it?”
“Um…” Aaron hadn’t thought of it from that perspective. He’d only focused on the fact he’d been open and hadn’t gotten slapped down for it; that David wasn’t disgusted or disapproving. He hadn't considered how he felt about David actually having this knowledge about him. “I suppose so.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I don’t mind David knowing,” Aaron decided in the moment. “Actually, it…it’s almost a relief, you know? That someone else out there, someone other than just you and I, knows.”
“It’ll be good for you, I think,” Spencer commented. “Now you can have someone you know, you trust, to talk to…well, uh…outside me, I mean.” He gave a small chuckle.
“Can I come over?” Hotch blurted out. It was what he wanted most, but it was still a bold request given the two men’s agreement to keep things platonic since Gretna.
“Umm…”
“I’d really like to come over, Spencer.”
“You should go home to your son.”
Aaron breathed out a sad laugh. “Right.”
“It’s just, you know, you uh…you don’t get to spend a lot of time with him anyway, Aaron, and -“
“Right. No, you’re right, Spencer. I didn’t…” he sighed into the phone. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Spencer smiled a little as he got up from the table and put his dish in the sink. “You’re excited, Aaron, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d love to talk to you, but I think your son should come first just like I know you do.” He also didn’t want an overexcited Aaron Hotchner coming over and having things get out of hand.
“I understand. That…that makes sense.” But it didn’t mean Aaron was about to just give up completely. “Can we speak tomorrow?”
“Sure, uh…did, uh…did you want to talk over the phone or, uh, in person?”
Aaron thought for a bit, then sighed. “I have Jack all day tomorrow, so maybe I’ll just give you a call tomorrow night?” He could talk while making sure Jack was packed up to return to Jessica’s.
“Sounds good.”
“Okay, talk to you then.” Hotch hung up without a proper goodbye. Even without it being Reid’s or his or anyone else’s fault Aaron felt putout with his excitement unreciprocated by the one person he thought would be even more pleased with the results than him.
Reid hit END on his phone and closed it with a sigh. He knew Hotch was hurt by his subdued reaction, but it couldn’t be helped. He didn’t want things to get complicated again…or, at least, any more complicated.
“So that’s still goin’ on, huh?” Ethan smirked out from his spot at the small table.
Spencer sighed. “Nothing’s…going on, exactly. I mean we just…we’re st-sticking with friends, just...being friends.”
Ethan took his plate as he stood. “Ah.”
“What’s that mean?” Spencer snapped a little.
“It’s means,” Ethan set his plate in the sink and leaned against the counter beside Spencer, “ah.” He smiled. “Thanks again for lettin’ me crash, by the way.”
“Why is it you can’t get a hotel again?”
“You don’t want me to stay, just say so, Reid. I won’t take it personally.” He knew he was imposing.
“N-No, it’s…uh…it’s fine, Ethan, really.”
“Ya sure?” Ethan smirked a touch.
Spencer smiled. “Yes.” He smirked back. “But you’re staying on the couch.”
Ethan grabbed his chest dramatically. “Right to the heart!” he teased before he laughed. “That’s fine, it’ll only be a day or two.”
“Then what?”
“Then either I get the job or I don’t.”
“If you do?”
Ethan took hold of Reid’s wrist to prevent his third dash back to the table. “Then I move here,” he lowered his voice a touch as his thumb went to rub Spencer’s pulse point.
“I…can’t start a relationship with anyone right now.”
“Who are you kiddin’, Spencer?”
“What, uh, what do you mean?” Reid imagined that would’ve come out a lot more convincing if he didn’t have to bite his lip from Ethan’s touch.
“Just because there isn’t sex doesn’t make it not a relationship,” Ethan pointed out before he stepped a little closer to his friend and former lover. “Hotchner’s got news, the first person he calls is you. I need a place to crash and, rather than gettin’ that hotel, I end up here. Far as I can tell you’re still stuck between two relationships…only difference now is no one’s gettin’ laid.”
Spencer sighed and twisted out of Ethan’s hold. “Then don’t make this any more difficult for me, Ethan.”
“You want me to go?”
“No, I just…” Spencer scratched his arm a touch and then ran his hands over his hair. “I think, maybe, you should.”
Ethan was a little surprised his friend actually said it. “Alright then, I’ll just…grab a hotel.” He was also a touch hurt, but he hid that with an easy smile. “Just promise me, if work doesn’t get in the way, we can spend some time together before I go.”
“Of course.”
***
After Ethan left, his apartment once again empty, Spencer poured himself a little brandy and lay out on his couch. Ethan was right; despite the restrained behavior, the careful wording of conversations, and the insistence that things remain non-sexual there was an underlying romance going on between himself and Aaron. And himself and Ethan.
Reid took a swallow of liquor and enjoyed the burn as it ran down his throat.
This was the reason he generally avoided relationships…they were so messy. Messy and complicated and, in the end, someone got hurt. Feelings weren’t reciprocated, or they faded on one person’s end and not the other's, or someone was forced to make impossible choices. Impossible choices like one person or another, an addiction or a relationship, your family or your sanity, this love or that. Things were at a simmer now, but Spencer wasn’t so socially inept he didn’t realize it could all boil over once again at a moment’s notice. And choosing no one or nothing? That just left everyone unsatisfied.
He took another large swallow and wondered. Wondered how long they could all hold out until choices had to be made or were made for them by the powers that be.
"Could I love less, I should be happier now." ~ Philip James Bailey, Festus
Author: Tooks
Pairing: Hotch/Reid, Reid/Ethan
Rating: FRT
Summary: Even without returning their overtures Reid still finds himself stuck between both Hotch and Ethan.
Notes: This is AU but there are Season 5 spoilers. Another of my "Breaking the Bonds" series and this one picks up right after The Big What If There's a bit of drinking, bit of flirting, and open discussion of sexuality...it's also super short (thought it'd be longer, but nope, haha).
Aaron left David’s feeling pretty good…better than he had when he’d come to the house, most certainly. David was just one person, one person out there that now knew, but he was an important one. One whose opinion had mattered to Hotch for years and still did.
He dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone. Despite the dangers while driving he skimmed the address book, found Spencer’s number, and hit SEND. It was answered on the second ring.
“Hello?” Spencer had never gotten the formal phone introduction routine down and Aaron smiled at that fact.
“I told him, Spencer, he knows.”
“About us?”
“Yes.”
Spencer went quiet in thought a moment and then spoke. “And?”
“And he’s…he’s fine with it.” Aaron let out a chuckle. “God speed and all that.”
“And what about you?”
“How do you mean?”
“Are you fine with it?”
“Um…” Aaron hadn’t thought of it from that perspective. He’d only focused on the fact he’d been open and hadn’t gotten slapped down for it; that David wasn’t disgusted or disapproving. He hadn't considered how he felt about David actually having this knowledge about him. “I suppose so.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I don’t mind David knowing,” Aaron decided in the moment. “Actually, it…it’s almost a relief, you know? That someone else out there, someone other than just you and I, knows.”
“It’ll be good for you, I think,” Spencer commented. “Now you can have someone you know, you trust, to talk to…well, uh…outside me, I mean.” He gave a small chuckle.
“Can I come over?” Hotch blurted out. It was what he wanted most, but it was still a bold request given the two men’s agreement to keep things platonic since Gretna.
“Umm…”
“I’d really like to come over, Spencer.”
“You should go home to your son.”
Aaron breathed out a sad laugh. “Right.”
“It’s just, you know, you uh…you don’t get to spend a lot of time with him anyway, Aaron, and -“
“Right. No, you’re right, Spencer. I didn’t…” he sighed into the phone. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Spencer smiled a little as he got up from the table and put his dish in the sink. “You’re excited, Aaron, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d love to talk to you, but I think your son should come first just like I know you do.” He also didn’t want an overexcited Aaron Hotchner coming over and having things get out of hand.
“I understand. That…that makes sense.” But it didn’t mean Aaron was about to just give up completely. “Can we speak tomorrow?”
“Sure, uh…did, uh…did you want to talk over the phone or, uh, in person?”
Aaron thought for a bit, then sighed. “I have Jack all day tomorrow, so maybe I’ll just give you a call tomorrow night?” He could talk while making sure Jack was packed up to return to Jessica’s.
“Sounds good.”
“Okay, talk to you then.” Hotch hung up without a proper goodbye. Even without it being Reid’s or his or anyone else’s fault Aaron felt putout with his excitement unreciprocated by the one person he thought would be even more pleased with the results than him.
Reid hit END on his phone and closed it with a sigh. He knew Hotch was hurt by his subdued reaction, but it couldn’t be helped. He didn’t want things to get complicated again…or, at least, any more complicated.
“So that’s still goin’ on, huh?” Ethan smirked out from his spot at the small table.
Spencer sighed. “Nothing’s…going on, exactly. I mean we just…we’re st-sticking with friends, just...being friends.”
Ethan took his plate as he stood. “Ah.”
“What’s that mean?” Spencer snapped a little.
“It’s means,” Ethan set his plate in the sink and leaned against the counter beside Spencer, “ah.” He smiled. “Thanks again for lettin’ me crash, by the way.”
“Why is it you can’t get a hotel again?”
“You don’t want me to stay, just say so, Reid. I won’t take it personally.” He knew he was imposing.
“N-No, it’s…uh…it’s fine, Ethan, really.”
“Ya sure?” Ethan smirked a touch.
Spencer smiled. “Yes.” He smirked back. “But you’re staying on the couch.”
Ethan grabbed his chest dramatically. “Right to the heart!” he teased before he laughed. “That’s fine, it’ll only be a day or two.”
“Then what?”
“Then either I get the job or I don’t.”
“If you do?”
Ethan took hold of Reid’s wrist to prevent his third dash back to the table. “Then I move here,” he lowered his voice a touch as his thumb went to rub Spencer’s pulse point.
“I…can’t start a relationship with anyone right now.”
“Who are you kiddin’, Spencer?”
“What, uh, what do you mean?” Reid imagined that would’ve come out a lot more convincing if he didn’t have to bite his lip from Ethan’s touch.
“Just because there isn’t sex doesn’t make it not a relationship,” Ethan pointed out before he stepped a little closer to his friend and former lover. “Hotchner’s got news, the first person he calls is you. I need a place to crash and, rather than gettin’ that hotel, I end up here. Far as I can tell you’re still stuck between two relationships…only difference now is no one’s gettin’ laid.”
Spencer sighed and twisted out of Ethan’s hold. “Then don’t make this any more difficult for me, Ethan.”
“You want me to go?”
“No, I just…” Spencer scratched his arm a touch and then ran his hands over his hair. “I think, maybe, you should.”
Ethan was a little surprised his friend actually said it. “Alright then, I’ll just…grab a hotel.” He was also a touch hurt, but he hid that with an easy smile. “Just promise me, if work doesn’t get in the way, we can spend some time together before I go.”
“Of course.”
***
After Ethan left, his apartment once again empty, Spencer poured himself a little brandy and lay out on his couch. Ethan was right; despite the restrained behavior, the careful wording of conversations, and the insistence that things remain non-sexual there was an underlying romance going on between himself and Aaron. And himself and Ethan.
Reid took a swallow of liquor and enjoyed the burn as it ran down his throat.
This was the reason he generally avoided relationships…they were so messy. Messy and complicated and, in the end, someone got hurt. Feelings weren’t reciprocated, or they faded on one person’s end and not the other's, or someone was forced to make impossible choices. Impossible choices like one person or another, an addiction or a relationship, your family or your sanity, this love or that. Things were at a simmer now, but Spencer wasn’t so socially inept he didn’t realize it could all boil over once again at a moment’s notice. And choosing no one or nothing? That just left everyone unsatisfied.
He took another large swallow and wondered. Wondered how long they could all hold out until choices had to be made or were made for them by the powers that be.
"Could I love less, I should be happier now." ~ Philip James Bailey, Festus