A.D.D.?
My life seems to be getting worse and worse, to the point where I think something's got to be different about me. I could make a million excuses why I am the way I am, but I think I'm probably some form of ADD.
This has been apparent since I started working. Gone are the days when I can do homework whenever or cram (what I usually did), or work an easy job. Now it's 8 hours where I'm expected to get everything done ASAP, work hard, can't goof off, etc. And any time I deviate from this (which is often), it's always viewed with scorn, even if the end result is always good.
Been thinking about how it might be affecting my personality. For one thing, I have no patience, and this applies to EVERYTHING. I think that could explain my social anxiety and apparent inability to make friends. I think if I'm ADHD, it's in the area of hyperactive paranoia. I think as a rule friendships and relationships are hard, and there will always be some tension/drama/fear/confusion or heartbreak/disappointment, and again I have no patience for it (of course there are exceptions). Now I find myself wishing I was just alone for once to relieve this stress.
This might all sound very emo, but I think knowledge is power, and today I put it to good use. Instead of being distracted as usual at work to please everyone, I put on my headphones and drowned everything out--and felt better and got a lot more work done. And instead of trying to please my parents over something we haven't been eye-to-eye about, I just said exactly how I felt. Feels pretty good!
Just to clarify: I'm trying to stay away from pills. I really don't see anything wrong with the way I am, or being ADD.
This has been apparent since I started working. Gone are the days when I can do homework whenever or cram (what I usually did), or work an easy job. Now it's 8 hours where I'm expected to get everything done ASAP, work hard, can't goof off, etc. And any time I deviate from this (which is often), it's always viewed with scorn, even if the end result is always good.
Been thinking about how it might be affecting my personality. For one thing, I have no patience, and this applies to EVERYTHING. I think that could explain my social anxiety and apparent inability to make friends. I think if I'm ADHD, it's in the area of hyperactive paranoia. I think as a rule friendships and relationships are hard, and there will always be some tension/drama/fear/confusion or heartbreak/disappointment, and again I have no patience for it (of course there are exceptions). Now I find myself wishing I was just alone for once to relieve this stress.
This might all sound very emo, but I think knowledge is power, and today I put it to good use. Instead of being distracted as usual at work to please everyone, I put on my headphones and drowned everything out--and felt better and got a lot more work done. And instead of trying to please my parents over something we haven't been eye-to-eye about, I just said exactly how I felt. Feels pretty good!
Just to clarify: I'm trying to stay away from pills. I really don't see anything wrong with the way I am, or being ADD.