How I grossed my dad out twice in five minutes.
I woke up with cramps of death and went right to the bathroom to let out the gushes of blood and the slimy, nasty poop that usually comes with my period starting. The smell was vile since the stupid weather is making it a million degrees before 10:00am PST. The bathroom faces south and has a frosted window. Since I was seated on the pot shitting everything I ate since before birth, I couldn't reach up to open it without decorating the toilet seat with a shitball festoon. The hot bathroom spread the stink like wildfire and almost made me gag. I had to take the lemon scented tile spray out of the cupboard under the bathroom sink and spray it in the trash can near my feet just to give me something to smell besides my shit and farts.
I finished, cleaned up and opened the window to air out the bathroom. Then I flushed the toilet three times to make sure no skid marks were left in the bowl. I spritzed some of the spray in the bowl and put the lid down for good measure.
My dad went in ten minutes later and I heard him cough and gag from the smell. The heat meant the smell never really dissipated out the window.
"Ugh, it smells like you baked lemon pie in shit!" yelled dad. After he finished, he accidentally knocked over the trash can and stepped squarely on last night's blood soaked pad. He has Parkinson's with neuropathy(numbness) in his feet, so he walked by with walker, DRAGGING MY BLOODY GROSS PAD because it was stuck on the back of his heel and he couldn't feel it.
"Um, dad? Look down."
He looked down. He was horrified. "Augh! That's disgusting!"
I had to get the pad and wash the blood off his foot. He was gagging and coughing the whole time. I managed to hold my laugh in until I was safely in my bedroom again.
And that's how I grossed my dad out twice in five minutes.
I finished, cleaned up and opened the window to air out the bathroom. Then I flushed the toilet three times to make sure no skid marks were left in the bowl. I spritzed some of the spray in the bowl and put the lid down for good measure.
My dad went in ten minutes later and I heard him cough and gag from the smell. The heat meant the smell never really dissipated out the window.
"Ugh, it smells like you baked lemon pie in shit!" yelled dad. After he finished, he accidentally knocked over the trash can and stepped squarely on last night's blood soaked pad. He has Parkinson's with neuropathy(numbness) in his feet, so he walked by with walker, DRAGGING MY BLOODY GROSS PAD because it was stuck on the back of his heel and he couldn't feel it.
"Um, dad? Look down."
He looked down. He was horrified. "Augh! That's disgusting!"
I had to get the pad and wash the blood off his foot. He was gagging and coughing the whole time. I managed to hold my laugh in until I was safely in my bedroom again.
And that's how I grossed my dad out twice in five minutes.