Let me be your Christmas miracle (2/2)
Fandom: EXO
Title: Let me be your Christmas Miracle
Pairing(s): Baekhyun/Jongdae + a lot of other pairings if you use your imagination
Genre: holiday!fic, angst-with-a-happy-ending, office!au-kind-of
Rating: R
Warning(s): occasional foul language, described sexual intercourse towards the end
Summary: He’s been alone for a while, it won’t be his first Christmas spent alone either but this year this fact has hit Jongdae harder than usual. Is it that big of a wish to ask for a little warmth in this cold weather?
Disclaimer: I do not own EXO. Hell I would though.
Length: Oneshot (divided into two parts for an easier read)
Word Count: 7,783 (altogether 15,693)
c
The 24th day of December dawns quietly.
Jongdae wakes up late, thanks to the paperwork he had done the night. Kris has told them on their last meeting the year to take rest and avoid work until 5th January but Jongdae couldn’t. In lack of doing anything else, he did what he’s best at. Paperwork.
When he finally makes it out to the kitchen, it’s around noon. The TV shows a holiday movie Jongdae has seen a few times and one look through the window, it has even started snowing while he was asleep.
The playground under is now covered in white. A bunch of little kids are building a snowman not so far. One of them seems like has had other plans because instead of gathering snow like his peers, he keeps kicking the creature with force. When a little girl notices and yells to make him stop, the boy plops down to the ground. He’s facing the building Jongdae resides in. His small arms come up to fold in front of his stuffed coat-covered chest; his puffy cheeks redden in anger.
Jongdae smiles by the glass. It’s that time of the year again.
Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had promised to visit him during break so he won’t be alone all the time but they’re not free until the 25th. Jongdae still has a day to spend alone.
This fear of loneliness is getting a little out of hand, Jongdae thinks as he puts on some clothes. It’s okay to be bitter about it but it’s not okay to be sad. There are certain perks of being alone - no queuing in front of the bathroom, always enough warm water for a shower and no need to adjust to any personal traits he has a hard time dealing with. He has time to concentrate on important things like work, paying bills and taking care of himself.
The problem, the reason why Jongdae lately can’t rely on his positive mindset, is that he’s had a taste of something different, something good, something he hasn’t known he’s missing. And it doesn’t let him be happy with what he has.
Baekhyun lingers in the back of his mind, even when he’s down on the streets, walking towards the square for a moment of Christmas. His bright eyes, soft lips, gentle hands… everything he has seen and felt in that short moment, has haunted Jongdae bittersweetly. It might be just his mind acting up again, making him believe he had lost something which has never been his in the first place, but Jongdae reaches the square with longing in his heart.
Is it that big of a wish to ask for a little warmth in this cold weather?
He watches the children’s performance about a lonely snowman and a cheerful rabbit. Jongdae is clapping hard when they bow one by one and his breath hitches when the girl who played the Snow Queen waves while looking directly at him. It’s not that impossible that she has recognized him, considering he’s here every year. Jongdae flushes in embarrassment and leaves for something to cool him down.
Somehow he finds himself with a cup of mulled wine instead. It was the first vendor he had stumbled upon and it seemed like a good idea. After one sip, Jongdae sighs pleased. He’s not one for alcohol but it is Christmas. And he’s alone. There’s nobody who could tell him to do otherwise.
It’s around his third cup, when Jongdae stops by the big Christmas tree to eye the decoration, that his emotions overpower him. He sees the miserable expression of his reflected in a globe and his fingers tighten around the plastic cup in his hand. Hundreds of families are walking around the square. There is no place to hide. Why is he such a crybaby?
He swallows the lump in his throat and diverts his attention to an angel figure hanging lightly to the right. He thinks to himself that if he tries hard enough, this phase will pass. Jongdae is not the only one who admires the tree though. Beside an old lady and a couple with a child, there is someone familiar standing close.
“Baekhyun?”
Baekhyun turns towards him shocked but when their eyes meet, his expression softens.
“Hi, sweetie.”
Jongdae is pretty sure he’s flushing and not because of the cold this time. He has hated that nickname from the start but considering he has given up seeing the maker of it, it sounds literally sweet now.
“How are you?” Baekhyun continues after two steps closer. “How are the holidays going?”
“It’s the first day and I already hate it.”
The sentence has slipped out without thinking. Jongdae doesn’t regret it though. He doesn’t feel like being polite or saying white lies.
Baekhyun laughs. He has a nice laugh.
“You’re not a holiday-type of person?”
“Christmas is cool. Not just because it’s winter but… you know. All the lights, carols and sweet treats. But it’s a family holiday.” Jongdae looks down into his cup. “A you-shall-not-celebrate-alone tradition. And I’m alone.”
You can partly blame yourself for that, a voice is echoing in Jongdae’s head but the owner of it shuts it out. He’s fed up with his guilt eating him inside. And there’s something else in his presence which he wants to concentrate on.
Baekhyun’s smile falters.
“It’s hard, right? Families and couples celebrate they’re together and we’re just standing here in front of a tree sadly on our own.”
“You’re alone too?”
It’s a very unlikely option but Jongdae asks anyway.
“Yes. My Christmas date has set me up.”
Jongdae hums as he lifts the cup to his mouth. The fact Baekhyun has moved on should sting. It surprisingly doesn’t. His throat is hoarse but Jongdae blames on the large amount of alcohol he’s consuming.
“They must be a big idiot for leaving you behind.”
“They’re not an idiot.” Baekhyun shakes his head and reaches out to ring the bell hanging on the branch in front of him. “They’re just confused… I guess. Actually, I don’t know him that well, though I’d like to. He’s pretty- Hey.”
Out of nowhere Jongdae wobbles backwards. If Baekhyun hasn’t moved to put his arms around him, he would have fallen face down into the tree.
Embarrassing.
“Are you aright?”
“I’m fine. Thanks.” Jongdae waves the empty cup in his hand with a chuckle. “’Seems like this friend is going hard on me.”
Baekhyun leans over his shoulder with a sniffle. Jongdae’s drunken breath hitches as their face align. Baekhyun is indeed a feast for the eyes… but when he’s as concerned as he is now, he shares more similarity with the angel figure hanging nearby.
Damn, he’s getting drunk.
“Are you drinking?”
“It’s just mulled wine.”
“It’s wine nonetheless. And it’s hardly even noon.” Baekhyun sighs, his hands gripping the other’s shoulders a bit tighter. “You didn’t seem this irresponsible in the office.”
Jongdae spins around with a grin. The wine is definitely doing something to him. It feels good though.
“Kris told us to take a break. I’m responsible all the fucking time. I’m taking a break from being responsible!”
It’s more awkward than funny but Baekhyun reacts with a cute laugh and a rewarding pat on Jongdae’s cheek. The weather forecast had predicted freezing cold for Christmas. Jongdae feels like burning up. Is it the alcohol? Baekhyun? Or both?
They end up at the same vendor Jongdae has brought from earlier. Baekhyun pays for a cup of mulled wine and two pieces of chocolate muffins.
“What are you going to drink?” Jongdae asks as the other man arrives with the order and sits across him.
Baekhyun laughs again. It’s interesting how laughy he’s being but at the same time Jongdae can’t mind. His laughs are music to his ears.
“You’re not having more drinks today, sweetie. Grab these muffins instead. They help with your stomach and are quite delicious too.”
Jongdae gasps in protest. Baekhyun just takes a sip of the wine with a wide grin.
“You’re so unfair right now.”
“You’re going to have a different opinion the morning. Now, take a bite.”
The chocolate melts in Jongdae’s mouth and his stomach indeed welcomes something solid inside. He’s still grumpy though. One steaming cup of mulled wine is standing at the other side of the table, out of his reach.
“You won’t have one sip of it. You better look at me.”
Jongdae glances up. Baekhyun is smiling from ear to ear. He obviously enjoys this torture.
“Done. What now?”
“Let’s talk.”
“About what?”
“You.” Baekhyun looks into his cup meaningfully. “Why are you alone?”
It’s a question people rarely ask of Jongdae. Some refers to it when he shows up alone at an occasion but nobody makes a big deal out of it or is concerned enough to dwell on it further. And it’s understandable because it is not a big deal. It shouldn’t be…
Jongdae puts the muffin he was munching on down. There is a sudden bitter taste in his mouth the sweet taste of the cake can’t overwhelm.
“I live alone… I’ve been alone for a while. It’s nothing out of the ordinary.”
This is the part Jongdae usually adds something positive like “I can manage” or “I’m an adult, I’m fine on my own” but this time he can’t come up with anything. “It’s nothing out of the ordinary” is just a miserable attempt which sounds negative instead of positive.
Baekhyun is about to say something, based on how his pretty lips part, and his eyes widen, but they get interrupted.
“Oppa?”
Jongdae doesn’t want to turn around.
“Hey Jongdae, is that you?”
Hearing a different voice, however, his head moves on his own.
At the neighboring table two familiar figures are sitting. One is a small, brown-haired girl in a yellow jacket, face smiling in surprise. The other one is a tall, blonde man in a blue jacket, grinning like an idiot.
Seoul is 14th largest city in the world but is apparently not big enough.
“Hi.”
Baekhyun is naturally confused and behind. He settles on a small wave before drinking more wine, backing out of the conversation.
“How are you?” The girl asks, turning around to face Jongdae. She’s a bit skinnier than she was the last they’ve met but still as pretty as he has remembered her. “How is it at the Wu & Co.? Is there a lot of work? Can you get enough rest? How is Deok oppa? Has he married the beautiful Hong Kong girl he keeps talking about?”
Jongdae doesn’t feel comfortable in this situation but a smile makes it to his face in the midst of the shower of questions. She’s the same talkative too.
“I’ve heard you’re doing a way better job over there than you’d used to do by us.” The man joins in before Jongdae could utter a word. “I know Junmyeonnie from there, you know? I know you two are not close but he is… hm, very close to your boss so I know a thing or two. It’s Christmas, you must aim to relax for a few days, but I guess a few friends from your earlier workplace don’t mess with that plan, do they?”
Jongdae feels Baekhyun’s eyes on his back. He’s not used to the two like Jongdae is… and even Jongdae, who indeed had worked at the same place as them, has a hard time trying to adjust.
“I’m fine. There’s a lot of work but that’s how it has always been. How are you?”
It’s not his curiosity talking, rather his politeness. If any of them feels it, none of them comments on it.
“We’re fine.” The man speaks up with a wide grin while sliding a hand carefully around the girl’s shoulder. The girl’s smile wavers. “Sunyoung-a has just got promoted. She’s amazing, isn’t she?”
Jongdae pulls his mouth into a smile. Yeah, she is.
“Congratulations.”
Sunyoung meekly nods.
“Thanks, oppa.”
“You should have been there when she had got her certificate…”
For the next ten minutes, the man keeps talking about their achievements. Sunyoung did that, he did that for her, they went there, did this and that together. Jongdae looses focus at the fifth minute and eyes Sunyoung silently instead. It’s not intended, just a bad old habit he should have been get rid of now.
He especially becomes aware of that when Sunyoung notices his stare and her cheeks get colored.
So awkward.
Still hurts.
“I’m sorry to inform you but Jongdae and I have a program to attend in a few minutes.” Baekhyun interrupts the man, pulling Jongdae back to the present at the same time. The latter is still dazed though, that’s why he doesn’t say anything, just lets himself be dragged away from the tables.
When they’re out of earshot, Baekhyun eases his grip on Jongdae’s hand and settles on to loosely hold his hand.
“Man, that fellow has a lot to say… We were absolutely heading to nowhere with that one-sided conversation. I’ve got fed up with it. You’re cool?”
“Thanks.”
Baekhyun - whether he’s surprised by that response or not - continues.
“Who were they? It seemed like they know you but you… well, don’t know them very well.”
“Ex-colleagues.” Jongdae mutters while keeping his eyes on the ground.
“Just colleagues?”
“We’re just colleagues”, said both Sunyoung and hyung at the times Jongdae had asked them. He did it separately, once, when he kept Jinki’s company in his cigarette break, and when Sunyoung scooted closer to him in their shared bed after a long day. Jongdae had believed both of them. He trusted both of them. It was a mistake.
“Jongdae.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Jongdae responds to Baekhyun’s question after a while. He’s already late with it though. Judging by Baekhyun’s careful tone and intently-watching eyes, he has figured out everything. But who cares? “I’ll look for mulled wine again. You either come with me to join in or go home.”
He hasn’t had enough break to completely sober up but Jongdae feels like he needs to go for even more. Maybe if he drinks, alcohol will help to soothe this ridiculous feeling of anger-like-thing in his chest. If not, he’ll be at least too out of his mind to care.
Baekhyun is standing quietly next to him for a few seconds then lightly squeezes Jongdae’s hand.
“Alright, you lead the way.”
Next to his words, Jongdae notices their clasped hands. Crap, were they hand-holding all the way through the Christmas market? He pulls his hand away while clearing his throat before randomly going forward. He doesn’t hear it but Baekhyun follows along chuckling.
It turns out there are at least ten buffets all along the square so they don’t have to look for long. Jongdae stops by the next one he finds and orders a round instantly. Then he buys another one. He can hardly accept Baekhyun paying for his drink but counting the bills in his way-too-empty wallet, grumpily agrees Baekhyun buying them the next round.
They’re around the fifth one when Jongdae gets beyond his drinking capability. He doesn’t notice it because he feels floating above the clouds, like the world is his and he has just won the lottery at the same time, but Baekhyun does because the former is clinging onto his body, unconsciously trying to get his hands under his coat (and obviously under more layers).
“Hey, Jongdae.”
“Hm?” Jongdae all but hums and inhales the other’s cologne. He’s used to sweet perfume but the sour, clean fragrance emanating from Baekhyun’s coat is a good, if not even better replacement of that. “What?”
“You should go home.”
“You smell like home. I’m fine here.”
Baekhyun stops Jongdae’s wandering hands with a sigh. This is great. Almost everything he has wanted… but this is not how it should be.
“You need to get into your bed, okay?” Baekhyun tries again, this time even inching away from his drunken co-worker. “Come on, I’ll take you.”
Jongdae whines as there is distance between them. Hearing how Baekhyun continues though, he shuffles back with a grin.
Before Baekhyun could protest, he leans into whisper in his ear with his alcohol-driven mind:
“Yes, take me.”
This is exactly the part when Byun Baekhyun faces the hardest challenge in his life (for the first time that night) but at the end he comes out of it as a winner.
Jongdae tells his address before Baekhyun could ask. The latter finds the needed documents in the pocket of his coat to get on the bus but since Jongdae can hardly stand on its own, he settles on walking.
Finding Jongdae’s apartment keys is a lot bigger struggle, especially amidst the whistle concert the former is performing while he’s being tapped down. Baekhyun finds Jongdae’s drunken joy amusing and purposely moves his hands to tickle him a little. (Also moves his hands to other places not especially necessarily but what Jongdae doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.)
At the end keys are found in an inner pocket and Baekhyun drags a half-asleep Jongdae inside. Thanks to the tickling, he even grew more exhausted, leaving room for the alcohol to knock him out soon.
“Which room?”
“Turn left. Next to the kitchen.”
The room is small, with just a bed, wardrobe and narrow desk. Baekhyun doesn’t get it why Jongdae lives here when he has seen a rather large room at the other end of the corridor while they were walking in. It’s not like it’s his business though.
And Jongdae is clearly not in the state to answer his questions.
He plops down on the single bed with a groan and stretches out his numb limbs.
“I feel miserable… Why do I feel miserable? Drinking is supposed to lift your mood up, not dragging it down, even lower. Why can’t I do anything properly?”
In lack of place on the bed, Baekhyun sits down next to it. Though the room is small, it’s cleaned well.
“Don’t blame it on yourself, that’s how drinking works. You feel good at first then when it gets too good, your body punches back… You’re not a drinker, are you?”
Jongdae turns his head to the right. As their eyes meet, Baekhyun shudders. Jongdae is looking so openly at him right now. It doesn’t last for a millisecond, it’s not a glance. He’s not sure what is it but he can’t look away.
“Am I miserable? Tell me. What do you think?”
There is that oh-so-familiar deep sadness again in his eyes when he speaks… Baekhyun gulps down the lump in his throat.
“You’re not, Jongdae. You’re just tired… Let’s sleep a little, hm? Roll over a bit. I’ll put the blanket over you.”
Sleepiness proves to be a too hard of an obstacle for Jongdae’s drunken mind to overcome. He obediently does as he’s told with a hum.
Baekhyun smoothes down the blanket and makes sure it covers the other’s neck too. Considering the silent breathing, Jongdae must have fallen asleep already.
Baekhyun sits back to his place to the ground. A while ago he was aching to touch, to map out the inviting body Jongdae was pushing so hard next to his, to kiss those lips which purse just right and look incredibly hard to just stare at when the owner of them breaks into a grin.
Now he’s content with looking. He observes the way Jongdae’s chest falls and rises, how his surprisingly long eyelashes flutter from time to time. His fingers, which felt so rough and sweaty in Baekhyun’s own ones, sometimes tighten around a handful of blanket.
He should get lost. Silently put on his shoes, close the door and place the keys under the doormat. It’s not like Jongdae will awake anytime soon and even if he does, why should Baekhyun stay? He’s never been invited here in the first place.
Getting to this conclusion, Baekhyun reaches for his in the mean time discarded coat and kneels up to look for a piece of paper and pen on the tiny table.
He tries his best to be as silent as possible but he apparently makes a noise because Jongdae stirs on the bed and makes an annoyed sound in the back of his throat.
Baekhyun is immediately at the bed. He pulls the blanket back to its place with a smile.
So cute.
After a few more seconds of staring at the peacefully slumbering man, he actually convinces himself to leave but just when he would, a hand falls on top of his.
“Baekhyun?”
Should he answer? Jongdae is just probably dreaming. And in case he is not, the best option is to run for his life without a word before he gets kicked out.
But Baekhyun is too mesmerized to think apparently.
“Yes?”
Jongdae turns on his side. He’s still groggy, based on how he can barely keep his eyes opened and there is a prominent slur in his words.
“I’m hot.”
Baekhyun pulls his hand back as if he’s been burned. There is no mirror in the room but somehow he is sure his face, on the other hand, is on fire.
*****
Jongdae has had only nightmares lately so the pleasant feel which runs through him in this dream is quite a nice change.
He can’t make too much out of it but he thinks he’s at the Christmas market with somebody. He’s drinking mulled wine and the lights are dancing above of him. Two persons turn to them from nearby to talk but they disappear, almost faster than they had appeared. Jongdae remains in two with the mysterious person out of his vision.
Suddenly there is a hand holding his and Jongdae’s heart starts pummeling in his chest. It’s warm and gives a feeling of safety. They dash through the crowd. They’re drinking again. No matter how hard Jongdae narrows his eyes to see the other’s face, he only smells cologne in the air and feels wool under his fingertips.
Everything is uncertain, it should be scary. But after some time, how many Jongdae has no idea, he stops questioning it. Jongdae just lets himself fall into the comfort and warmth the person has to offer and even smiles when there is a smooth hand, touching his hand again.
The sudden grumble of a bell pulls him out of it like a warning sign.
Jongdae jolts awake with a gasp. It must be around six pm, judging by the nearby church’s bell ringing. He had left at noon and now he’s in his room. What happened?
He forces his mind to remember but it’s just a blur. God damn it, he drank, didn’t he? A regretful whine leaves Jongdae’s throat and makes a move to sit up but both a sound and an arm thrown over his waist stop him in that.
Jongdae’s eyes widen. Someone’s skin is touching his. He’s even naked.
It takes three long in- and exhales each for Jongdae not to freak out and plot how to get outside to the kitchen.
He carefully slides the arm right next to him. The owner of it complains under his breath (it’s even a he, oh my God) but Jongdae doesn’t care about that and slips from under the blanket as long as there is an opportunity.
It turns out he has his boxers on at least. Great.
Which is not great, it’s that the person, who has been (at least) sleeping in the same bed as him, is Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun.
Jongdae hastily stumbles out of his room (he successfully trips over the rest of his clothes on the ground) and closes the door. He can’t take it any longer and facepalms.
What the fuck happened?!
“A warm cup of tea can chase away all troubles”, his mother is used to say. Jongdae can’t think of anything better to do at the moment and boils some water. When he accidentally finds the eggnog flavored tea, he runs to the toilet to throw up. Yep, he had drunk. Probably a lot.
Jongdae rinses his mouth in the bathroom and even washes his face. His head is throbbing. His throat feels drier than ever. Nice hangover he had got over the day… but what’s even more terrible, how the hell did he end up bringing Baekhyun up?
He’s sitting in the kitchen, slurping on tea without sugar, when he puts two and two together. His dream hadn’t formed out of nowhere. He must have met Baekhyun on the square, drank a lot and… brought him up for whatever reason.
Jongdae sighs and puts the empty mug down. He unconsciously glances down. He’s wearing boxers. It means nothing has happened, right? He should have checked if Baekhyun is naked too.
The image which follows in his head is too exciting for the situation so Jongdae purposely divert his thoughts to elsewhere. For example, what he should do when Baekhyun wakes up.
It’s wicked, really. Common sense tells him to say his thanks and let him on his way. Something else (it can’t be his heart, they haven’t known each other that long or deep) urges him to make the best out of this opportunity. He has wished to see him and miraculously his wish had come true…
Jongdae smiles. He must be going crazy.
“Jongdae?”
Oh no.
For his bad luck, Baekhyun wakes up before Jongdae can decide. He staggers out to the kitchen and sits to the opposite end of the table. He’s wearing a gray sweater and boxers. It’s an odd combination but it means he’s clothed, thank God.
“Did you have a good sleep?”
“I… was knocked out. I feel like I’ve slept for days.”
Baekhyun scratches the back of his neck then runs his fingers through his soft hair with a sigh.
“You’re even weirder when you sleep, has anybody told you?”
Jongdae fidgets in his seat uncomfortably. Those words don’t foreshadow any good.
“Um, what do you mean?”
“First of all, I was ready to sneak out after you’d fallen asleep but then you just grabbed my hand out of nowhere. You scared the hell out of me.” Baekhyun lays his head on the table with a smirk. “You said you’re hot.”
“So you undressed me?”
“I was reluctant. But you were practically pleading for it.”
Jongdae eyes the tablecloth in mortification. No wonder why Kyungsoo keeps reminding him to never drink.
It’s embarrassing enough but there are questions remained unanswered.
“You… could have disregarded it. I was drunk. Not to mention, care to explain me why you were laying beside me? Don’t tell me I’ve asked for that too because -“
“You have. Well, not specifically at first. After I’d shed what’s necessary, it didn’t take a minute or two and you said you’re cold. I offered to put your clothes back but you were insisting on that’s it’s too much of a hassle and why would you when you have me.” Baekhyun lifts his head a bit to meet their eyes and gift Jongdae with a cheeky look. “You said I’m warmer and softer anyway.”
Even the little sass, which Jongdae has regained in the middle of his mental breakdown, struggles to surface because Baekhyun could lie but the joy showing in his face can’t indicate anything else but the truth.
“You… Once again, you could have disregarded me!” Jongdae speaks up in a slightly increased voice. He’s not mad at Baekhyun, he’s mad at himself but it’s inessential at the moment. “It was nice enough of you to bring me up and put me into bed- Don’t misunderstand me, I’m thankful. But this was just…”
He can’t finish his sentence. Jongdae wants to come up with something, wants to finish his sentence and explain why it is bad that this had escalated… but he’s left with nothing. He slept comfortably. Baekhyun was indeed warmth next to him, heck, probably he’s the reason why Jongdae has had the best sleep in a while. However we look at it, it’s not a bad thing. Jongdae can’t bring himself to hate it.
Baekhyun stretches his arms above his head with a little yawn.
“Do you remember what I’ve said when you’ve rejected me so viciously?”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“You’re missing my point, sweetie. Again.”
Jongdae grunts in mind.
“Yes, I remember. It’s been haunting me ever since, making me miss you.”
Damn, that last part shouldn’t have come out.
“I mean, I was unfair, really.” Jongdae makes an attempt to cover his slip of tongue. “Rejecting you because of who people think you are, who I’ve thought you are, was unfair. I’ve been feeling guilty. I’m sorry.”
He expects Baekhyun to get angered a bit - according to the people in the office he doesn’t like being called a whore face to face - but all Baekhyun does is straightening his back and propping his chin in the palm of a hand.
“And what do you think? Who am I?”
It would have been better if he gets offended and storms out, Jongdae thinks in panic.
“Well… You were making out with Taeyeon noona in the copier room. Chan- someone has said you always change partners and doesn’t hesitate to get into the person’s pants faster than they can comprehend. What do you expect me to think?”
Baekhyun laughs, his tenor bounces off the tiled walls.
“Chanyeol said that, didn’t he? He’s such an idiot, oh my God.”
He is but it’s irrelevant right now. Jongdae waits for Baekhyun to explain himself.
“I think it’s stupid to stay with a person who doesn’t make you happy anymore. You know who is worth it to stay beside. You feel it… I do at least. And about one-night-stands, flirting, however people interpret my interactions with others, I don’t regret anything. I don’t force anyone. I make it clear if my intentions are serious or not. “
Baekhyun silences for a second. When he speaks next, he’s staring out the window but Jongdae doubts he’s actually looking.
“If you’re asking me, people take this relationship-thing way too seriously. I don’t say it’s good to sleep in different people’s beds. I’m not an example to follow... But I’m not a whore either. I touch someone a like, someone who likes me back too. I go on a date with someone if I like them, and don’t always say goodbye after a night. I’m just a human, sometimes I slip, but you can’t blame me, can you? Some things are just too good to resist.”
Under Baekhyun’s monologue, a lot of things were running through Jongdae’s head. First, anger. The first sentence went straight to his heart. That’s what Sunyoung must have thought? That they don’t have a future together so it wasn’t worth to continue? She wasn’t happy with him? She’s never said it. She’s never looked like that. How would Jongdae have known?
Secondly, guilt, again. Baekhyun was speaking about himself in general, hasn’t referred to a person specifically but Jongdae has felt like he’s the one Baekhyun is talking about several times. He cornered him, without any pressure. And Jongdae refused to meet him as someone wanting to see him, wanting to get to know him, without thinking.
And one among the last ones, hope. Maybe Baekhyun wants to touch him, go on a date with him and stay for a while. He might stays for a few nights only. He might stays forever. It’s an open-ended possibility but just the likelihood, the chance he has overwhelms Jongdae and gives him power he often forgets he has.
“Making intentions clear is important, indeed. Otherwise, how would people know what is there and what’s just a comfortable figment of their imagination?”
Baekhyun snaps his head towards Jongdae. He’s a lot more upset than he has been.
“Moving on is only fine if you’ve said goodbye. Otherwise, it’s just infidelity and this is one of the worst things, most hurtful things your loved one can do against you.”
Jongdae clenches his mouth. When he drinks, he becomes a talker. He should have known.
“Sunyoung and I… we weren’t married. And when she and hyung had become official, we were broken up already.”
“Don’t feed yourself with white lies, Jongdae. It’ll make no one feel better. Not you, not her, not me.” Baekhyun says. “The point is that it’s over. And though it hurts, it is better it’s over. You’ll see with time.”
“Time is cruel. It’s endless.”
It’s nothing funny but they chuckle at that almost at the same time. Jongdae pulls out a mug for Baekhyun and pours him some tea too.
“There’s an extra towel in the closet. Go and take a shower, you must feel uncomfortable after sleeping in that sweater.”
“Oh God, you’re bossy whether you’re sleep or wide awake.”
“…And you still don’t know everything about me.” Jongdae quips back then puts some more seriousness in his voice. “If you’re hungry, you can stay for dinner. This is not an order and not a compensation for anything. You’re free to decide.”
Baekhyun abruptly stands up, the chair creaking at the sudden movement.
Jongdae should take a step back to get a comfortable distance between them but all rational thoughts leave his mind at such proximity.
“I wouldn’t trade this offer for the world.”
“Your seducing skills are cheap.”
“Who cares?” Baekhyun states mindlessly while leaning closer and nosing Jongdae’s cheek gently. Lips are close to lips but they’re not quite there and the latter is positively taken aback at how that fact disturbs him. “They work.”
Jongdae tosses Baekhyun back with a grin.
“Show your cleaning skills first. Dirty people can’t sit to my table- Please, make sure to rub extra hard. I think you’ll need it.”
“I’ll show you how I rub-“
“To the bathroom at instant, you dirty idiot!”
“Yes, mom.”
When he’s alone again in the kitchen, Jongdae grins to himself. Baekhyun has sassiness matching his own. This is going to be fun, whatever this is exactly going to be.
*****
The 24th day of December ends with loud laughs and moments to cherish.
Baekhyun turns out to be way more fun Jongdae has ever thought he is (and on many different levels, not just on the one everyone thinks he is).
He’s a great singer and loves music just as much as Jongdae does. They get into a heated debate about whether Sam Smith or John Legend is the king of love ballads and though both of them enumerates a lot of valid reasons why each The King is (“You hear the first few seconds of Lay Me Down and you cry, admit it”, “Yes, I do but you play the first few seconds of All of Me and nations get emotional, man”), at the end they get to the conclusion that it’s Christmas and if it’s Christmas, it’s Bublé. Of course, their argument becomes ridiculous this way but they just laugh it away.
There are things which regarding to they don’t match. Baekhyun is an avid coffee drinker. Jongdae only drinks tea and when the former hears that, he immediately runs to the kitchen to “show what you’ve missed, you moron”. The latte Baekhyun prepares is tasty. Jongdae praises him for that. But when he uses the remaining water for tea, Baekhyun practically shoots lasers with his eyes at him. (“It’d be a waste not to use the water.” “Shut up, you traitor.”)
The most outstanding thing is, however, they cooperate. They get along. Baekhyun wants to watch Home Alone for the millionth time and though Jongdae practically wails right at the first scene, they do watch it. (And get into another debate, this time who is more stupid, Kevin’s family vs. the burglars).
Jongdae is a vegetarian so Baekhyun looks for meat on his plate in vain but even so, he eats what’s portioned to him. He does make some innuendos…
“Some vegetarians eat fish… fish is good, right?”
“Baekhyun, I’m lacto-ovo.”
“…And?”
“God, you indeed have a lot to learn about me.”
“Teach me, sweetie.”
…but he knows it’s better to accommodate to new concepts rather than refusing it right away. Actually, Baekhyun is surprisingly smart. Wise even, when he’s not making jokes or flirty comments.
And above all of that, Jongdae can’t look past by the thing that Baekhyun is undeniably, incredibly, irresistibly hot.
It all becomes even more evident than it already is when Baekhyun comes back from the kitchen in the red, dotted pajamas Jongdae rarely wears (on purpose), feet clad in the reindeer slippers. And he pulls off the look.
“While you were trying to stand at the vendor, I’d had packed some of these.” Baekhyun sits down to the bed with a tray of muffins.
Jongdae is too hot and bothered with something else at the moment to care about muffins of all things but he responds.
“You’ve just made that up.”
“Okay, maybe you were standing just fine. But you truly collapsed in front of this apartment. Do you wanna know why?”
It’s a trap, it’s clear… But Jongdae simply nods. He doesn’t like being in the dark.
It is a trap - Baekhyun tickles him to death afterwards, Jongdae can hardly take a breath in-between laughing so hard his sides are aching. He tries to reciprocate some and scratching Baekhyun’s belly turns out to be a good move because the latter gives up his ministrations with a snicker.
They grow tired with the whole play soon. Baekhyun collapses on top of Jongdae with a huff.
“My, why are you so heavy?”
“I’m not heavy. You’re skin and bones…” Baekhyun stops in his saying to break into a lecherous grin. “… saved for a few places.”
“You didn’t just sleep next to me, did you?”
“I’m an opportunist, I’ve told ya.”
Jongdae laughs.
“No, you’re just a pervert.”
His laugh dies off quickly though. Baekhyun cups Jongdae’s face with one hand and slowly slides the other one down to rest it on the other’s hip.
“I’m just an admirer of the human body. And your body, sweetie, is a wonderland.”
It’s the cheesiest thing Baekhyun has come up with so far. Jongdae should laugh, really. But in reality his breath hitches and his face flushes. Baekhyun is heavy on him but now for another reason, for a reason Jongdae likes too much to laugh away.
“Discover me then.”
They meet in the middle with an urgency which surprises both of them. Jongdae takes the lead in the kiss and supports himself on one elbow to reach up further to the sweetness he tastes in Baekhyun’s mouth.
Baekhyun sheds Jongdae’s clothing once again but this time he makes quick work of his own too. Jongdae only unbuttons his shirt and explores the sturdy chest of the blonde man’s with his palms. Baekhyun is beautiful, he thinks in the haze, inside-out.
They’re too occupied with each other to speak but when they’re only in their boxers and Baekhyun’s hand is already in Jongdae’s underwear to grip his dripping cock, the former speaks up:
“Don’t think I’m doing this just to prove you wrong.”
Jongdae inhales harshly.
“You’re fisting me, I can’t think at all.”
“Good.” Baekhyun acknowledges the information with a smirk and leans down for a lingering kiss. “I’ll take care of you, you just lean back and enjoy.”
Jongdae begins to see why Baekhyun’s reputation is as big as it is as the latter sucks him off oh-so-well. Jongdae can hardly cover up his moans and is pretty sure pulling on Baekhyun’s hair too hard but it is really just too much. All the sensations, everything Baekhyun is.
“I like your voice. Let me hear it.” Baekhyun murmurs while coming up for a breath. The way he’s deep-throating Jongdae is fearless, practiced and hot. Jongdae keens at a particularly hard suck. “That’s it, sweetie.”
Jongdae moans even louder when Baekhyun uncaps the lube hidden in the drawer and coating his fingers with it, gently pushes one past Jongdae’s fluttering rim. (He jokes about the hidden lube of course first.)
“How do you feel?”
Baekhyun has two fingers inside him, scissoring just the right way. Jongdae thinks he’s in the paradise.
“G-good. It’s… so good.”
“You’re so beautiful.” Baekhyun hovers above him, his free hand toying with an erected nipple. “You were beautiful when you were sitting on the ground, in front of the garage… I’ve told myself I’m doing my duty as the dutiful kisser but damn, that kiss.”
Jongdae can only mewl in bliss because just then Baekhyun’s talented fingers find his prostrate and intensify the pleasure flooding through his veins.
“You can kiss, sweetie. Next time you wrap your lips around my cock, how about that? Or would you rather rim me? I bet you have such a talented tongue.”
The words “next time” ring in Jongdae’s ear longer than necessarily. He would say something to that - he thinks he should say something to that - but Baekhyun pushes in a third finger and the world becomes a blur of warmth, smooth skin and pleasured voices.
“Baekhyun, please, just… Please. I need you.”
“I’m here.” When Baekhyun is next in Jongdae’s vision, he’s prodding at his hole with his condom covered dick. “I need you too.”
Baekhyun pushes in and Jongdae screams. He’s thinking about the kids in the neighborhood for a second but just as the thought enters his mind, Baekhyun starts thrusting, his name rolling of his tongue accompanied by a pleasured groan.
The sex is mind-blowing. It could be because Jongdae’s last partner has been a woman but no, Jongdae refuses to believe that. It’s Baekhyun. It’s because of the care he kisses down his body, it’s in the chant his hips make and in the glide of palms over Jongdae’s heated skin.
Time is endless. Jongdae wants this moment to stretch into eternity.
Baekhyun rolls his hips with an experienced lover’s leisure but Jongdae doesn’t feel like just a body under him. They only break eye contact to close their eyes and meet in a hard kiss. Baekhyun murmurs praises here and there. Jongdae digs his heels into Baekhyun’s plush ass and the new angle makes both of them hiss.
It’s too pleasurable to drag on any longer. Jongdae comes first with a loud cry, cum dirtying both of their chest and Baekhyun’s hand on his hard-on. After that, Jongdae clenches around Baekhyun and helps him reach his end with a nibble on his earlobe too. Baekhyun makes a sound so loud Jongdae thinks the habitants of the block will have a few words for him tomorrow.
It doesn’t matter though. What matters is Baekhyun’s flushed, sated face lying on his chest, the soothing hand on Jongdae’s waist and the choking sensation in Jongdae’s throat.
He wants to say so many things… but he just hugs Baekhyun to his side and pulls the blanket over them.
Jongdae wakes up to loud “Fuck!”, erupting at the other end of the room. Realizing what it could mean, drowsiness leaves him quickly.
It’s not like he hasn’t counted it in. Just like Baekhyun has said, people take relationships and labels way too seriously. He’s not completely right but partially is, in Jongdae’s opinion at least.
“If you want to go… go now and I’ll pretend it’s just another bad dream.”
Hearing the faint voice, Baekhyun quickly drugs his boxers up and walks to the bed.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can. I can’t hold you back.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“No.”
“Then I’ll stay. Open your eyes, sweetie.”
Jongdae is reluctant. If it’s another trick… just a stupid move to put him in the situation of listening to another heartfelt goodbye, he doesn’t know how he’ll recover again.
“Ya, you don’t believe me?” Baekhyun asks in a playful voice before jumping on the bed and hugging his lover from behind. “I’m offended. If you order me around and I follow those orders, you can do the same for me and listen when I’m talking to you, am I right?”
Jongdae grumpily turns his head back.
“Why are you speaking so much in the morning? I can hardly comprehend what you say.”
“Then it makes us two. I don’t get you either. Jongdae, I’m not going anywhere. I stay here if you want and cuddle you to death, stay here for an encore performance of last night even more willingly. Your tea can wait, if you want.”
It’s just another jumble of words for Jongdae’s morning mind but one word does get to his brain.
“You were… You were dressing up to make me tea?”
“Yes?”
That so-called encore performance is very close to happening. Listening to Baekhyun’s suggestions, Jongdae bites down his way under the former’s navel and pulls on the waistband with his teeth. Baekhyun makes a little sound of pleasure when his cock springs free and covers his mouth when Jongdae lick on the head.
The loud ring of the door bell, however, interrupts them.
“What if… someone important?” Baekhyun wheezes but makes no movement to get Jongdae off of his cock.
“They can’t be more important than this.” Jongdae hums in delight while he’s stroking the base.
It’s really nothing important.
But it is dangerous.
“Jongdae, I know you’re in there, get your skinny ass out of your bed, and open the door for us!”
Jongdae almost chokes on Baekhyun’s length in panic.
“Is that Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks confused.
“And Kyungsoo. They’d promised to come over on the 25th.” Jongdae tells him and pulls out a drawer to look for undergarments at least.
Baekhyun tucks himself back to stand up and pull on a t-shirt as well.
“So… I guess I have to leave even so?”
Jongdae laughs and kisses the pout off his face.
“Just like you’ve said, you’re not going anywhere for a while. We’ll greet them.”
“Won’t they- ?”
“Tease us? Make fun of us? Curse you to death and scold me for life? They probably will. But I have nothing to hide. Especially not you.”
A foreign light shimmers in Baekhyun’s eyes as he leans in and kisses Jongdae sweetly.
Jongdae knows it could end badly. He doesn’t like thinking about it, purposely leaves this thought as it is, doesn’t dwell on it further but the possibility is there. And he tries to embrace it.
He has chosen to give Baekhyun a chance… not even to him, more like to himself. He’s decided to open his heart again and whatever comes with it, Jongdae will face it.
However it will be, he won’t be alone anymore.
c