...But Max Reebo Plays On:
I remember the first time i saw the theatrical trailer for Star Wars: Episode I. I think everyone does. It was a good fifteen years after the trilogy ended and that trilogy, for all it's faults in acting, writing and some less than "visionary" effects, was the single unifying thing in the world. Nobody disliked Star Wars. Anyone that told you they did was lying and probably had at least one Lando Calrissian action figure in their closet somewhere (mine came with a holographic trading card). No matter how crazy the world seemed, you knew there was always that one thing that held us all together: "at least we both like Star Wars".
Two decades went by like this that were nearly void of any intergalactic activity. Granted, the action figures never went away. And the originals were re-released in theaters with new effects, but the same films were there. Yoda was still a puppet, Leia was still a babe, and it was still a 70's movie. The only significant change, in fact, was Greedo shooting first, a mistake Star Wars fans of all ages are still awaiting a public apology from Lucas for.
But then the news hit that the new Star Wars was coming. Mass media dropped the line and we all bit. We awaited any possible news on the films as if our own lives depended on it. We'd stare at that poster of young Anakin casting a Darth Vader shadow for hours, like we were looking for some visual clue of what to expect. We'd buy light sabers, legos, breakfast cereals and anything else that had the Star Wars logo branded on it somewhere. And we watched the trailer.
I don't remember which movie it was that premiered the trailer, but i remember going to see it just for those seven minutes of new Star Wars. I remember people clapping- at the end of the advertisement. I remember half the crowd getting up and leaving once it was over after paying eight dollars just for this little glimpse into the new Star Wars film. We took the bait, and we were damn glad we did it.
I still remember looking up at the screen and seeing that first image: a gigantic artillery vehicle levitating weightlessly across a hill and swaying each individual blade of grass as it crawled along. I think i actually started drooling a little bit.
Because no one saw that trailer and said "Shit; he's lost it." Everyone watched those dialogue-free clips and thought they were seeing the new Citizen Cane. This is what thirty years of cinematic progress was leading to. This is the reason movie theaters exist!
Finally, it happened. Finally, we all saw the movie. We waited in hour long lines, we packed ourselves into those little rooms like cattle, a few of us even camped outside of cinemas. We watched Star Wars: Episode I and the only thing we could think to ourselves was, simply: "What the fuck was that!?"
Somehow Lucas had duped us all. He lured us in with big budget CGI and now he's sitting around at Skywalker Ranch, laughing his ass off, a few billion dollars richer. This was not the Star Wars we know and love. Truly- love and cherish as if they were our own! This was.... this was a mockery! An insult! We went to Star Wars expecting life altering cinema and all we got was a bad child actor and Jar-Jar Binks!
It's been going downhill since then. I think everyone's respect for the series plummeted, all at once, and a lot of people wouldn't even admit they liked the old ones, much less the current films. Lando Calrissian action figures across the nation were sold, often for little more than fifty cents, at garage sales and thrift stores nation wide. The anticipation for new Star Wars movies went from "How great is this going to be?" to "How bad is this going to suck?". Only the hardcores continued their support, and even in the old days the hardcores were crazy. You had to be to dress up like Chewbacca for a movie premier.
I present you this overly long, detailed account of the history of "new Star Wars" to personify my own internal battle with the most recent, Episode III. My opinion changes on a daily basis from "There's no way i'm spending any more money on this crap. I'm putting my foot down. No, no, no, no, no!" to "But it's rated PG-13! And Anakin turns evil! It can't possibly disappoint!" Some days, these two polar opposite emotions shift on the hour. I love the first three movies dearly. I laughed when Han Solo bickered with Chewy. I gasped when i discovered Vader was Luke's father. I cried when Obi-Wan died, cheered when Luke escaped, and cringed when the Emperor attacked. And it was these emotions, the very same that made me love Star Wars, that made me hate it. I recognized that the series just wasn't any fun anymore. There were lovable aliens, yes, and a decent light saber fight or two (a divine pleasure only Lucas has the power to give us), but the romance was gone. The puppets were replaced by (somehow) less realistic looking aliens. And the clever banter was replaced with lines like "Yoosa should follow me now, okeeday?" Oh god, it just made me want to cry. It was like Weezer releasing the Green Album all over again.
So what am i going to do? Half of me is saying "This is thirty years in the making. You have to at least see this one last thing. Just finish it off." The other half: "But wasn't it really finished twenty years ago? Was there really any need to debase the trilogy in the first place? I just shouldn't even recognize it's existence." And these internal arguments are going on inside me every waking moment.
But when it comes down to it, i know i'm going to be sitting in front of that screen eventually. Regrettably or not, i'm going to watch the end, even if only once. Because i was Darth Vader for halloween years ago. Because i still have my plastic lightsaber, TIE fighter disc shooter, and Star Wars encyclopedia. Because i've wasted countless hours on this series, what's a couple more? And because i've been waiting this long to find out why Vader needs that stupid mask, and i'll be damned if George Lucas is going to keep me from finding out.
Two decades went by like this that were nearly void of any intergalactic activity. Granted, the action figures never went away. And the originals were re-released in theaters with new effects, but the same films were there. Yoda was still a puppet, Leia was still a babe, and it was still a 70's movie. The only significant change, in fact, was Greedo shooting first, a mistake Star Wars fans of all ages are still awaiting a public apology from Lucas for.
But then the news hit that the new Star Wars was coming. Mass media dropped the line and we all bit. We awaited any possible news on the films as if our own lives depended on it. We'd stare at that poster of young Anakin casting a Darth Vader shadow for hours, like we were looking for some visual clue of what to expect. We'd buy light sabers, legos, breakfast cereals and anything else that had the Star Wars logo branded on it somewhere. And we watched the trailer.
I don't remember which movie it was that premiered the trailer, but i remember going to see it just for those seven minutes of new Star Wars. I remember people clapping- at the end of the advertisement. I remember half the crowd getting up and leaving once it was over after paying eight dollars just for this little glimpse into the new Star Wars film. We took the bait, and we were damn glad we did it.
I still remember looking up at the screen and seeing that first image: a gigantic artillery vehicle levitating weightlessly across a hill and swaying each individual blade of grass as it crawled along. I think i actually started drooling a little bit.
Because no one saw that trailer and said "Shit; he's lost it." Everyone watched those dialogue-free clips and thought they were seeing the new Citizen Cane. This is what thirty years of cinematic progress was leading to. This is the reason movie theaters exist!
Finally, it happened. Finally, we all saw the movie. We waited in hour long lines, we packed ourselves into those little rooms like cattle, a few of us even camped outside of cinemas. We watched Star Wars: Episode I and the only thing we could think to ourselves was, simply: "What the fuck was that!?"
Somehow Lucas had duped us all. He lured us in with big budget CGI and now he's sitting around at Skywalker Ranch, laughing his ass off, a few billion dollars richer. This was not the Star Wars we know and love. Truly- love and cherish as if they were our own! This was.... this was a mockery! An insult! We went to Star Wars expecting life altering cinema and all we got was a bad child actor and Jar-Jar Binks!
It's been going downhill since then. I think everyone's respect for the series plummeted, all at once, and a lot of people wouldn't even admit they liked the old ones, much less the current films. Lando Calrissian action figures across the nation were sold, often for little more than fifty cents, at garage sales and thrift stores nation wide. The anticipation for new Star Wars movies went from "How great is this going to be?" to "How bad is this going to suck?". Only the hardcores continued their support, and even in the old days the hardcores were crazy. You had to be to dress up like Chewbacca for a movie premier.
I present you this overly long, detailed account of the history of "new Star Wars" to personify my own internal battle with the most recent, Episode III. My opinion changes on a daily basis from "There's no way i'm spending any more money on this crap. I'm putting my foot down. No, no, no, no, no!" to "But it's rated PG-13! And Anakin turns evil! It can't possibly disappoint!" Some days, these two polar opposite emotions shift on the hour. I love the first three movies dearly. I laughed when Han Solo bickered with Chewy. I gasped when i discovered Vader was Luke's father. I cried when Obi-Wan died, cheered when Luke escaped, and cringed when the Emperor attacked. And it was these emotions, the very same that made me love Star Wars, that made me hate it. I recognized that the series just wasn't any fun anymore. There were lovable aliens, yes, and a decent light saber fight or two (a divine pleasure only Lucas has the power to give us), but the romance was gone. The puppets were replaced by (somehow) less realistic looking aliens. And the clever banter was replaced with lines like "Yoosa should follow me now, okeeday?" Oh god, it just made me want to cry. It was like Weezer releasing the Green Album all over again.
So what am i going to do? Half of me is saying "This is thirty years in the making. You have to at least see this one last thing. Just finish it off." The other half: "But wasn't it really finished twenty years ago? Was there really any need to debase the trilogy in the first place? I just shouldn't even recognize it's existence." And these internal arguments are going on inside me every waking moment.
But when it comes down to it, i know i'm going to be sitting in front of that screen eventually. Regrettably or not, i'm going to watch the end, even if only once. Because i was Darth Vader for halloween years ago. Because i still have my plastic lightsaber, TIE fighter disc shooter, and Star Wars encyclopedia. Because i've wasted countless hours on this series, what's a couple more? And because i've been waiting this long to find out why Vader needs that stupid mask, and i'll be damned if George Lucas is going to keep me from finding out.