I'm such a good boy, I just need a new toy~
I had a relapse today. It was pretty fucked. I did a Nikki and hid in my wardrobe because I was home alone and could hear noises and thought some fucker was going to stab me. And I was half naked, so it made it even more fucked. Turned out the noises were my cats on the roof. I don't even know anymore. I need help.
But anyway. I thought I'd do something really fucked up, and write out the first day of the month from every year I have written in my diary, just to give you an idea of... I don't know really. Some of them I don't have because I was just lazy and stopped writing for a few months or some shit, but the ones I have I'll put in there. You really don't need to read them, like I said, I don't even fucking KNOW why I'm doing this shit. Some of this shit really scares me and if I didn't write it down I never would have remembered it, so I really don't know. I'll try to put explanations for as many as I can.
01/01/2000
Age eight.
Kieran has been a pain all day and i scrunch up one of his p planes [paper planes, he used to make them all the fucking time, i mean, he had so many] and then he scrunch up one of my wildlife cards up then he whent into my room to find somthing else and he said he will ripe the pages out of my diary and when i told mummy she said that she will belt kieran on the bum if he doseted [doesn't] stop it and then daddy came in and said he would belt him. [I mean really, the fuckery started early. Eight years old and a violent little shit always trying to cause trouble. No wonder me and Kieran hated each other half out lives, fuck. WASN'T EVEN WORRIED ABOUT THE Y2K BUG]
01/02/2001
Age 9.
today troy had to clean his room and daddy told me to help him but i wanted to clean my room up and daddy threw me into troys room and told me to clean his room up. [Because I was older, you know?] but i didn't because none of the mess was mine so i sat on my bed and troy cleaned his room up [I had my own room but I hadn't slept in there since '96 because of this one episode of X Files and I thought there was werewolves under my bed, so I had a bed in Troy's room I used to sleep in.] and he said that he wanted to go to the toilet so he climbed out the window [Dad used to lock us in our rooms when they had to be cleaned, and he wouldn't let us out till HE was happy with it. I mean, he had a fucking lock and he fucking locked the fucking door. We beat him at his own game.]
01/03/2003
Age 12.
today when i was finished getting ready for school at seven am i started to read The Wonderful Pigs Of Jillian Jigs and i wished that when i get home all the exact pigs in the story would be in my room. thank you god if you bring them to me. bye bye. [Yeah, I don't know, I was obsessed with that fucking book for years. I just don't know.]
01/07/2003
Age 12.
today daddy is in a mood and talking about stupid things and telling us to do everything when he is just sitting around talking about how much he does. [Which was nothing because he never fucking did anything because suprise, suprise, WE DID IT ALL.]
01/08/2003
Age 12.
today we had a athletics carnival and in every single race i went in i came last which was pretty gay and now kristoffer is being gay and humming all the time and now he is making the yuck noise [I've always been shit at sport. And B used to do this thing where he wouldn't blow his nose and you could tell by the way it sounded and he would do it in his sleep. It was just gross.]
01/072004
Age 13.
Today Kitty was my last day of school which means that i have 3 weeks holidays and that is good because that means i can spend more time with you and the faeries which is good because none of my brothers ever play with me. [I don't even know man, that was after I read Anne Frank's diary, so that's where I got Kitty from, but the faerie shit, I have no idea, I think that was just before I started getting fucked up.]
01/08/2004
Age 13.
today kitty, kieran and mummy had a huge fight and mummy me and troy went 2 nanny and poppys house and then daddy rang up and told us to come home and now kieran is arguing with mummy again now. [0e0e0e0e0e0e domestics. I remember that, and I think dad told mum to shove her food up her ass. And people wondered why I was so fucked at school and hitting people and telling them to fuck off and jump, when I'm like.. 13.]
01/09/2004
Age 13.
Today was Dee's birthday and it was heapz fun cause she was being gay and stuff which she always used to do with crystal but crystal left so she doesn't do it anymore. [Me, Dannielle and Crystal used to cause so much shit in year seven. Dannielle used to chuck scissors at me head, Crystal used to scream random things, I'd chuck burning paper around in science and swear in german at the german teacher. And you put us all together it was fucking hell. Then Crystal left and Dannielle slammed my head into a brick wall in the changing rooms in PE and gave me concussion. And that was the end of that.].
01/11/2004
Age 13.
nancy bought her tamagotchi to school today and i wanted to look at it because i let her read my secrets book but she still wouldn't let me look at it bye. [Nancy was Kieran's ex girlfriend and she was fun. But she was evil sometimes. Probably from going out with Kieran. But yeah, I made this 'secrets book' and just put all this made up shit in there and a padlock to get attention.]
01/12/2004
Age 13.
today i kissed shorty on da lips [Shorty was Michael's code name, cos he is short. Oh the originality] and it felt nice and we had a water fight on da bus and paul started it by wettin shorty as soon as he got on da bus. [Paul was fr srs THE best bus driver I have ever fucking had. He used to flirt with all us girls just to humor us, and he used to just all of a sudden sing, 'COS I'M A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW~" Grinspoon ftw. We were all fucked up on that bus. Falls Creek kids = druggies, and rebels.]
01/01/2005
Age 13.
hey michael [he was my boyfriend/ex boyfriend at the time] we went in da pool 2day it waz like so hot and i mean da tempreture not wot u r thinking about. i thought i waz gonna die. o by the way a pinch & a punch 4 da 1st day of da month & a slip & a slap & u cant get me back. [It just killed my brain to write that shit.]
01/06/2005
Age 14.
hey tony [as in, off NCIS] um, bianca dumped nathan today and now nathan and jacob won't talk to bianca and jessica and i 4gave jessica for stealing ashley off me even though i am not actually wanting to be her friend at da moment but you learn 2 live with some1 like your best friend stealing your boyfriend... THE HELL YOU DO. [Okay, so Nathan was going out with Bianca, but I liked Nathan and then Nathan started doing shit with me, and other girls so Bianca dumped him, and then I wanted to go out with Ashley and Jesssica was going out with Jacob, not my Jacob now, another one, to make me jealous, so then she broke up with Jacob cos I was wanting to go out with Ashley and then she asked Ashley out half an hour after he said yes to me, and he said yes to her and he broke up with me. And yeah. Fucked Upppppp].
01/07/2005
Age 14.
yeah whoot friday today which means weekend tomozz OMG i had maths today and it totally sucked i h8 maths so much esp when its last period friday cos you are sitting there waiting 4 da bell to go and it is really boring so yeah well i am gonna go watch the rest of da H30 CD. [That's what school was like. And I have no idea what the fuck H30 is.]
01/10/2005
Age 14.
hey tony it's saturday today and i was on the internet all day today [Oh how things have NOT changed in 4 years.] and me and AJ were bagging out Dylan cos she said she would rather McGee die than Kate because he's annoying then AJ goes 'so you would rather him die more than kate because he's 'annoying'? how would you think abby would feel if he died?' it was so funny, we got over it eventually but it was funny. [I used to be the biggest fucking NCIS nerd ever, they were some girls of some NCIS nerd forum.]
01/11/2005
Age 14.
hey tony, it is tuesday today and megan [another one of Kieran's girlfriends] gave me red bull yesterday [LOL YA me? Red bull? Clear the fucking building.] and me and Bianca had it at sport today cos we thought we had sport but it was cancelled and i went sike and we were watching a movie called FAT ALBERT it was so stupid and i couldn't stop laughing and i was sitting next to Bradley [He's my friend that I've been annoying since year seven, but now that we don't see each other for a year at a time we get along fine, lol.] was looking at me like i was crazy. o and jessica came today as well the little skank. [Jessica, aka Pissworm, was meant to be me and Bianca's best friend, but she kind of annoyed us and we hated her and made her life hell cos we were bored.]
01/12/2005
Age 14.
ha, me and kiera [the chick that got me into cutting myself for funz /loser]put a note in bradley's locker today my one said thanx for talkin to me on tuesday i can't remember what kiera's one said and bradley wasn't at school today he better be there 2morro though to get our letter so yeah or i will crucify him *hee hee* [Now you know why I annoyed him, EVERY day I put a note in his locker. And most of the time it was some shit like, 'HAY BRADLEY I SAW U DIS MORNIN BUT U DIDNT WAVE U BASTARD!'. And shit like that.]
I'll write more tomorrow, my computer's being a piece of shit.
But anyway. I thought I'd do something really fucked up, and write out the first day of the month from every year I have written in my diary, just to give you an idea of... I don't know really. Some of them I don't have because I was just lazy and stopped writing for a few months or some shit, but the ones I have I'll put in there. You really don't need to read them, like I said, I don't even fucking KNOW why I'm doing this shit. Some of this shit really scares me and if I didn't write it down I never would have remembered it, so I really don't know. I'll try to put explanations for as many as I can.
01/01/2000
Age eight.
Kieran has been a pain all day and i scrunch up one of his p planes [paper planes, he used to make them all the fucking time, i mean, he had so many] and then he scrunch up one of my wildlife cards up then he whent into my room to find somthing else and he said he will ripe the pages out of my diary and when i told mummy she said that she will belt kieran on the bum if he doseted [doesn't] stop it and then daddy came in and said he would belt him. [I mean really, the fuckery started early. Eight years old and a violent little shit always trying to cause trouble. No wonder me and Kieran hated each other half out lives, fuck. WASN'T EVEN WORRIED ABOUT THE Y2K BUG]
01/02/2001
Age 9.
today troy had to clean his room and daddy told me to help him but i wanted to clean my room up and daddy threw me into troys room and told me to clean his room up. [Because I was older, you know?] but i didn't because none of the mess was mine so i sat on my bed and troy cleaned his room up [I had my own room but I hadn't slept in there since '96 because of this one episode of X Files and I thought there was werewolves under my bed, so I had a bed in Troy's room I used to sleep in.] and he said that he wanted to go to the toilet so he climbed out the window [Dad used to lock us in our rooms when they had to be cleaned, and he wouldn't let us out till HE was happy with it. I mean, he had a fucking lock and he fucking locked the fucking door. We beat him at his own game.]
01/03/2003
Age 12.
today when i was finished getting ready for school at seven am i started to read The Wonderful Pigs Of Jillian Jigs and i wished that when i get home all the exact pigs in the story would be in my room. thank you god if you bring them to me. bye bye. [Yeah, I don't know, I was obsessed with that fucking book for years. I just don't know.]
01/07/2003
Age 12.
today daddy is in a mood and talking about stupid things and telling us to do everything when he is just sitting around talking about how much he does. [Which was nothing because he never fucking did anything because suprise, suprise, WE DID IT ALL.]
01/08/2003
Age 12.
today we had a athletics carnival and in every single race i went in i came last which was pretty gay and now kristoffer is being gay and humming all the time and now he is making the yuck noise [I've always been shit at sport. And B used to do this thing where he wouldn't blow his nose and you could tell by the way it sounded and he would do it in his sleep. It was just gross.]
01/072004
Age 13.
Today Kitty was my last day of school which means that i have 3 weeks holidays and that is good because that means i can spend more time with you and the faeries which is good because none of my brothers ever play with me. [I don't even know man, that was after I read Anne Frank's diary, so that's where I got Kitty from, but the faerie shit, I have no idea, I think that was just before I started getting fucked up.]
01/08/2004
Age 13.
today kitty, kieran and mummy had a huge fight and mummy me and troy went 2 nanny and poppys house and then daddy rang up and told us to come home and now kieran is arguing with mummy again now. [0e0e0e0e0e0e domestics. I remember that, and I think dad told mum to shove her food up her ass. And people wondered why I was so fucked at school and hitting people and telling them to fuck off and jump, when I'm like.. 13.]
01/09/2004
Age 13.
Today was Dee's birthday and it was heapz fun cause she was being gay and stuff which she always used to do with crystal but crystal left so she doesn't do it anymore. [Me, Dannielle and Crystal used to cause so much shit in year seven. Dannielle used to chuck scissors at me head, Crystal used to scream random things, I'd chuck burning paper around in science and swear in german at the german teacher. And you put us all together it was fucking hell. Then Crystal left and Dannielle slammed my head into a brick wall in the changing rooms in PE and gave me concussion. And that was the end of that.].
01/11/2004
Age 13.
nancy bought her tamagotchi to school today and i wanted to look at it because i let her read my secrets book but she still wouldn't let me look at it bye. [Nancy was Kieran's ex girlfriend and she was fun. But she was evil sometimes. Probably from going out with Kieran. But yeah, I made this 'secrets book' and just put all this made up shit in there and a padlock to get attention.]
01/12/2004
Age 13.
today i kissed shorty on da lips [Shorty was Michael's code name, cos he is short. Oh the originality] and it felt nice and we had a water fight on da bus and paul started it by wettin shorty as soon as he got on da bus. [Paul was fr srs THE best bus driver I have ever fucking had. He used to flirt with all us girls just to humor us, and he used to just all of a sudden sing, 'COS I'M A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW~" Grinspoon ftw. We were all fucked up on that bus. Falls Creek kids = druggies, and rebels.]
01/01/2005
Age 13.
hey michael [he was my boyfriend/ex boyfriend at the time] we went in da pool 2day it waz like so hot and i mean da tempreture not wot u r thinking about. i thought i waz gonna die. o by the way a pinch & a punch 4 da 1st day of da month & a slip & a slap & u cant get me back. [It just killed my brain to write that shit.]
01/06/2005
Age 14.
hey tony [as in, off NCIS] um, bianca dumped nathan today and now nathan and jacob won't talk to bianca and jessica and i 4gave jessica for stealing ashley off me even though i am not actually wanting to be her friend at da moment but you learn 2 live with some1 like your best friend stealing your boyfriend... THE HELL YOU DO. [Okay, so Nathan was going out with Bianca, but I liked Nathan and then Nathan started doing shit with me, and other girls so Bianca dumped him, and then I wanted to go out with Ashley and Jesssica was going out with Jacob, not my Jacob now, another one, to make me jealous, so then she broke up with Jacob cos I was wanting to go out with Ashley and then she asked Ashley out half an hour after he said yes to me, and he said yes to her and he broke up with me. And yeah. Fucked Upppppp].
01/07/2005
Age 14.
yeah whoot friday today which means weekend tomozz OMG i had maths today and it totally sucked i h8 maths so much esp when its last period friday cos you are sitting there waiting 4 da bell to go and it is really boring so yeah well i am gonna go watch the rest of da H30 CD. [That's what school was like. And I have no idea what the fuck H30 is.]
01/10/2005
Age 14.
hey tony it's saturday today and i was on the internet all day today [Oh how things have NOT changed in 4 years.] and me and AJ were bagging out Dylan cos she said she would rather McGee die than Kate because he's annoying then AJ goes 'so you would rather him die more than kate because he's 'annoying'? how would you think abby would feel if he died?' it was so funny, we got over it eventually but it was funny. [I used to be the biggest fucking NCIS nerd ever, they were some girls of some NCIS nerd forum.]
01/11/2005
Age 14.
hey tony, it is tuesday today and megan [another one of Kieran's girlfriends] gave me red bull yesterday [LOL YA me? Red bull? Clear the fucking building.] and me and Bianca had it at sport today cos we thought we had sport but it was cancelled and i went sike and we were watching a movie called FAT ALBERT it was so stupid and i couldn't stop laughing and i was sitting next to Bradley [He's my friend that I've been annoying since year seven, but now that we don't see each other for a year at a time we get along fine, lol.] was looking at me like i was crazy. o and jessica came today as well the little skank. [Jessica, aka Pissworm, was meant to be me and Bianca's best friend, but she kind of annoyed us and we hated her and made her life hell cos we were bored.]
01/12/2005
Age 14.
ha, me and kiera [the chick that got me into cutting myself for funz /loser]put a note in bradley's locker today my one said thanx for talkin to me on tuesday i can't remember what kiera's one said and bradley wasn't at school today he better be there 2morro though to get our letter so yeah or i will crucify him *hee hee* [Now you know why I annoyed him, EVERY day I put a note in his locker. And most of the time it was some shit like, 'HAY BRADLEY I SAW U DIS MORNIN BUT U DIDNT WAVE U BASTARD!'. And shit like that.]
I'll write more tomorrow, my computer's being a piece of shit.