Amazingly disappointed, hurt, and desperately optimistic
Wow...Amazing how one night can change so much. This was a night of discovery on several levels and the subsequent afternoon found itself in the same category.
Except this discovery was of an unexpected variety. This discovery was heart-breaking. And while I say that it was unexpected, I can in the same breath say it wasn't surprising. I discovered that two years of what I considered one of the happiest times of my life can be easily forgotten, looked-over, and ignored. Passionate declarations of love were instantaneously replaced with angry exclamations of hate. However, there still was a frighteningly tangible passion.
I consider myself an optimist. Throughout this whole ordeal I felt deep within me a secret knowledge that everything would be OK. A sort of assurance that no matter what happened, all that was meant to be would be. And somehow even through this fog of confusion, anger, and pain I see a light, only now it is very dim.
I feel a powerful sadness driving me to the brink of tears, but something within me won't allow the levees to break (no tasteless New Orleans ref. intended). Maybe it's optimism, maybe its apathy, maybe its anger. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I just want to let it all out and move on. Thankfully I am still moving, but I feel sluggish and tired. Maybe someone will help me along.
Except this discovery was of an unexpected variety. This discovery was heart-breaking. And while I say that it was unexpected, I can in the same breath say it wasn't surprising. I discovered that two years of what I considered one of the happiest times of my life can be easily forgotten, looked-over, and ignored. Passionate declarations of love were instantaneously replaced with angry exclamations of hate. However, there still was a frighteningly tangible passion.
I consider myself an optimist. Throughout this whole ordeal I felt deep within me a secret knowledge that everything would be OK. A sort of assurance that no matter what happened, all that was meant to be would be. And somehow even through this fog of confusion, anger, and pain I see a light, only now it is very dim.
I feel a powerful sadness driving me to the brink of tears, but something within me won't allow the levees to break (no tasteless New Orleans ref. intended). Maybe it's optimism, maybe its apathy, maybe its anger. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I just want to let it all out and move on. Thankfully I am still moving, but I feel sluggish and tired. Maybe someone will help me along.