Once again, we're all extras in a terrible action movie
I had an epiphany today. Don't "John McCain" and "Barack Hussein Obama" sound like really lazily-written character names in a really bad action movie?
"Let's see, I wanna make a movie like Die Hard...I know, I'll just take the Die Hard guy's name, lop off the L, and pray to Jehovah nobody ever notices!
"And let's see, what's a good villain name? Hmmm... menacing... foreign... non-white OH SHIT IN-N-OUT CLOSES IN LIKE 20 MINUTES fuck it let's just go with something crazy and cartoonish, like, 'Barack Hussein Obama,' yeah, that'll work for now."
The way McCain's been campaigning these last few weeks, I truly think that somewhere in the dark recesses of his wrinkled 72-year-old skull, he believes he's in that shitty action spy thriller, that John McCain IS John McClane. And he has to stop a brown foreign elitist terrorist MADMAN from hypnotizing America into electing him president. And for comic relief, McCain's mismatched buddy-cop partner is an Alaskan hockey mom who's good with guns and annoying as fuck to talk to.
And when he suspended his campaign a couple weeks ago, that was just his obligatory end-of-act-two moment of self-doubt, before "getting back on his feet to save the day."
Suddenly everything makes sense.
"Let's see, I wanna make a movie like Die Hard...I know, I'll just take the Die Hard guy's name, lop off the L, and pray to Jehovah nobody ever notices!
"And let's see, what's a good villain name? Hmmm... menacing... foreign... non-white OH SHIT IN-N-OUT CLOSES IN LIKE 20 MINUTES fuck it let's just go with something crazy and cartoonish, like, 'Barack Hussein Obama,' yeah, that'll work for now."
The way McCain's been campaigning these last few weeks, I truly think that somewhere in the dark recesses of his wrinkled 72-year-old skull, he believes he's in that shitty action spy thriller, that John McCain IS John McClane. And he has to stop a brown foreign elitist terrorist MADMAN from hypnotizing America into electing him president. And for comic relief, McCain's mismatched buddy-cop partner is an Alaskan hockey mom who's good with guns and annoying as fuck to talk to.
And when he suspended his campaign a couple weeks ago, that was just his obligatory end-of-act-two moment of self-doubt, before "getting back on his feet to save the day."
Suddenly everything makes sense.