(no subject)
The Hat, by Anth Kim
Act One
Scene One
[Scene: Apartment. Kitchen + living area. Enter: Woody.]
Rosy
What's that on your head?
Woody
What does it look like? It's a hat.
Rosy
That's a weird looking hat. Where'd you get it?
Woody
I found it in the trash. Why do you care?
Rosy
I threw that hat out weeks ago. That's my hat. What are you, a homeless person?
Woody
Chill out. I took this from Joey's trash.
Rosy
Joey's been dead for days. You're wearing a dead guy's hat.
Woody
Joey's dead? I don't want to be wearing a dead guy's hat. Here take it.
Rosy
No. I don't want it. I threw that hat out.
Woody
Why? Is there something wrong with it?
Rosy
You mean beside it belonging to a dead guy?
Woody
Well it didn't belong to a dead guy until after Joey died. Besides that's not the reason you threw it out. What's wrong with it?
Rosy
I don't know. It looks weird, right? The brim doesn't look right.
Woody
Yeah. It looks sort of unproportional.
Rosy
Kind of crooked also.
Woody
Huh. You're right. I don't like it so much anymore. Is it okay if I threw it away? I mean, would you mind?
Rosy
Mind? Why would I care?
Woody
I don't know. It feels like I'm throwing away a gift from you.
Rosy
You took it out of the trash. And not even my trash. It was Joey's trash.
Woody
I don't know. Seems like somehow you gave it to me, you know.
Rosy
I would never give you a gift.
Woody
Hey, why do you think Joey threw it away?
Rosy
Why did Joey pick it out of my trash?
Woody
Free hat. That's why I took it. Hey can I make a sandwich with this stuff here?
Rosy
You're a homeless person, you know that?
Woody
Stop saying that. Are you trying to make it into a thing? It doesn't really work. You sound dumb. Hey where did you get the hat from? Maybe I can return it.
Rosy
Some lady made it for me.
Woody
Does she give refunds-- Ack!
[Woody is electrocuted by the toaster oven]
Rosy
Oh my god! That's a brand new toaster oven, Woody? You fucking homeless piece of shit.
Woody
[Not moving]
Rosy
Dammit, Woody. Are you dead?
End Scene
Act One
Scene One
[Scene: Apartment. Kitchen + living area. Enter: Woody.]
Rosy
What's that on your head?
Woody
What does it look like? It's a hat.
Rosy
That's a weird looking hat. Where'd you get it?
Woody
I found it in the trash. Why do you care?
Rosy
I threw that hat out weeks ago. That's my hat. What are you, a homeless person?
Woody
Chill out. I took this from Joey's trash.
Rosy
Joey's been dead for days. You're wearing a dead guy's hat.
Woody
Joey's dead? I don't want to be wearing a dead guy's hat. Here take it.
Rosy
No. I don't want it. I threw that hat out.
Woody
Why? Is there something wrong with it?
Rosy
You mean beside it belonging to a dead guy?
Woody
Well it didn't belong to a dead guy until after Joey died. Besides that's not the reason you threw it out. What's wrong with it?
Rosy
I don't know. It looks weird, right? The brim doesn't look right.
Woody
Yeah. It looks sort of unproportional.
Rosy
Kind of crooked also.
Woody
Huh. You're right. I don't like it so much anymore. Is it okay if I threw it away? I mean, would you mind?
Rosy
Mind? Why would I care?
Woody
I don't know. It feels like I'm throwing away a gift from you.
Rosy
You took it out of the trash. And not even my trash. It was Joey's trash.
Woody
I don't know. Seems like somehow you gave it to me, you know.
Rosy
I would never give you a gift.
Woody
Hey, why do you think Joey threw it away?
Rosy
Why did Joey pick it out of my trash?
Woody
Free hat. That's why I took it. Hey can I make a sandwich with this stuff here?
Rosy
You're a homeless person, you know that?
Woody
Stop saying that. Are you trying to make it into a thing? It doesn't really work. You sound dumb. Hey where did you get the hat from? Maybe I can return it.
Rosy
Some lady made it for me.
Woody
Does she give refunds-- Ack!
[Woody is electrocuted by the toaster oven]
Rosy
Oh my god! That's a brand new toaster oven, Woody? You fucking homeless piece of shit.
Woody
[Not moving]
Rosy
Dammit, Woody. Are you dead?
End Scene