(no subject)
I should be studying now... but I feel the need to write something down, because I'll forget everything later.
I am unhappy. I feel alone and overwhelmed with work. I have an anatomy exam on the nervous system on the same day as my exam for nursing on 6 fucking chapters of shit I don't care about. You'd think they'd coordinate the exam dates for those classes. Maybe I shouldn't care so much... but I'm obsessed with making sure that I keep my GPA above 3.9 because I'm anal. I'm wondering if I'm just a big fish in a little pond, or if I really did change when I got to college. I think it's a little bit of both. However, don't get me wrong- my classes are hard (my classmates are just extra dumb). This semester I'm taking A&P II, Development across the lifespan/nursing, guitar, spanish, ethics, and english. I don't have a lot of writing this semester because my english class focuses more on poetry and stories rather than writing. My professor is about 100 years old- he's cute and shaky but boring. That's okay though, I just play games all class.
Ever since Brittany moved on campus I don't see renee as much because they live in the same dorm across campus. Not to mention Brittany has been a real prick lately. It's really depressing watching your loser roommate have more friends than you do. I think a problem I have is that I don't spend my free time on campus- I ALWAYS go home. I'd like to stay more often but I feel like I'll just be alone. It's not like I don't have friends- but I don't have security with my friends here. I sometimes feel like I'm imposing if I go to dinner with them because I am not in their tight circle. I've been eating alone a lot. Maybe it's just seton hall. I need to get out more, and try to ween eric off of me. I feel like I can't picture my life without him- and that is really really scary. I don't want to rely on one person for everything. At the same time, I feel like I've broken a lot of ties with friends because he's always around and therefore without him I'd be massively depressed and alone.
I called rutgers today and they confirmed that I had made the early application date on time. So that's good I suppose. I'll hear from them in April. If they don't look at my SATs I have a good chance I think.. even though it's extremely hard to transfer there as a nursing major. I'm kind of afraid to transfer though... I'm afraid it will be a mistake or something... I don't know.
There is a study abroad opportunity in Ireland for 2 weeks in May.. but I can't god because well.. we're broke. I'm really disappointed... that would have been sweet.
I wish this had been a little bit happier, but I don't really have anything extrodinarily happy to say.
P.S.
Something wrong with my libido? or something wrong with the relationship? or both? I had a discussion with eric last night about it, and I think I came to the conclusion that I might just be someone who only wants what she cannot have. Once I have it and have it under my control, I get bored. It's not that I don't like sex, because I definitely do, it's just I don't have any motivation to do it unless I know I can't have him. This would explain why I was obsessed with dating mike for a year even though it was an emotional disaster and why I had a dire need to get with someone who had a girlfriend. The chase is my fetish. Anyway, he's frustrated with me. helpppp.
I am unhappy. I feel alone and overwhelmed with work. I have an anatomy exam on the nervous system on the same day as my exam for nursing on 6 fucking chapters of shit I don't care about. You'd think they'd coordinate the exam dates for those classes. Maybe I shouldn't care so much... but I'm obsessed with making sure that I keep my GPA above 3.9 because I'm anal. I'm wondering if I'm just a big fish in a little pond, or if I really did change when I got to college. I think it's a little bit of both. However, don't get me wrong- my classes are hard (my classmates are just extra dumb). This semester I'm taking A&P II, Development across the lifespan/nursing, guitar, spanish, ethics, and english. I don't have a lot of writing this semester because my english class focuses more on poetry and stories rather than writing. My professor is about 100 years old- he's cute and shaky but boring. That's okay though, I just play games all class.
Ever since Brittany moved on campus I don't see renee as much because they live in the same dorm across campus. Not to mention Brittany has been a real prick lately. It's really depressing watching your loser roommate have more friends than you do. I think a problem I have is that I don't spend my free time on campus- I ALWAYS go home. I'd like to stay more often but I feel like I'll just be alone. It's not like I don't have friends- but I don't have security with my friends here. I sometimes feel like I'm imposing if I go to dinner with them because I am not in their tight circle. I've been eating alone a lot. Maybe it's just seton hall. I need to get out more, and try to ween eric off of me. I feel like I can't picture my life without him- and that is really really scary. I don't want to rely on one person for everything. At the same time, I feel like I've broken a lot of ties with friends because he's always around and therefore without him I'd be massively depressed and alone.
I called rutgers today and they confirmed that I had made the early application date on time. So that's good I suppose. I'll hear from them in April. If they don't look at my SATs I have a good chance I think.. even though it's extremely hard to transfer there as a nursing major. I'm kind of afraid to transfer though... I'm afraid it will be a mistake or something... I don't know.
There is a study abroad opportunity in Ireland for 2 weeks in May.. but I can't god because well.. we're broke. I'm really disappointed... that would have been sweet.
I wish this had been a little bit happier, but I don't really have anything extrodinarily happy to say.
P.S.
Something wrong with my libido? or something wrong with the relationship? or both? I had a discussion with eric last night about it, and I think I came to the conclusion that I might just be someone who only wants what she cannot have. Once I have it and have it under my control, I get bored. It's not that I don't like sex, because I definitely do, it's just I don't have any motivation to do it unless I know I can't have him. This would explain why I was obsessed with dating mike for a year even though it was an emotional disaster and why I had a dire need to get with someone who had a girlfriend. The chase is my fetish. Anyway, he's frustrated with me. helpppp.