Feelings on gender
Sometimes I think it might have been better if I'd been born male.
If I didn't think it was my hypochondriac brain over-reacting (I'm one of those folks who, if in med school, would read about a disease and suddenly be dying from it. "OMG! I HAVE THOSE SYMPTOMS!!!") I would think I was one of the transgendered. Cause I've always thought I shoulda been a boy. Long as I can remember. But I've also always been a hypochondriac. That's why I suffer through the aches and pains I have; I don't think docs and such would believe me if I went to them with it.
But the last few years...I have reoccurring dreams that I'm either a man or that I'm a hermaphrodite. I suppose it could also be feelings/memories from a past life. That'd explain things, too. Except for the distinctly male mannerisms I have.
I remember about ten years ago a friend of the family telling me that I walk like my dad.
I can't sit like a girl in a skirt, despite how much I love the skirts.
My room? Looks like some frat's place. Old dishes and all.
I hate most romantic comedies and other "girly" movies. The most recent girly movie I can remember liking was "Kate and Leopold" some five years ago.
I LOVE movies with fight scenes and blood and big booms. Seriously. Bigger the boom, better the movie, IMO.
My room, a cousin once told me, "(doesn't) look very girly." It's got a couple girly touches (like the small part of my porcelain collection on a few shelves and part of my plushie collection on the shelves daddy built for my b-day) but for the most part, it's pretty guy-ish. Fantasy stuff, tons of vid game paraphernalia, etc).
My voice is often deep like a guys. I've been told otherwise, but I'm not sure I believe it. All recordings I hear of my voice are either painfully high and child-like or deep and very guy-like.
When I'm NOT in skirts, my clothes are often very guy-ish in fashion. Also, a good 1/3 of my wardrobe is guys wear. Then again, that's mostly cause their stuff fits.
I always feel the need to prove my manliness by lifting heavy things and being courteous like a dude.
Yeah, I know, those stuff don't make me a guy. *shrugs* Still can't shake the thought that maybe I shoulda been a guy. And that maybe I'm being silly for thinking that. As much as I loathe my period and my two ton breasts, I'd never get a sex change. For one, you are required in this country to go one year as the gender you are requesting reassignment for. *points to boobs* No way in hell could I bind these enough to pass as a guy. Even a man-boob endowed guy.
Some might think this post had no point. It did. Today I was reminded again of how nice it is that I have this outlet. This journal. They say that writing your thoughts down helps to calm the maelstrom in your head and to come to terms with issues bothering your subconscious. This journal DOES help me. Because of this journal and the online community in general, I'm more or less open about my bisexuality. Two years ago, I wasn't.
I can bitch and moan and nag here and, yeah, sometimes folk bitch and moan and nag back, but for the most time ya folk let me bitch and moan and nag in peace.
...and I think I lost the plot. Damn. Cursed ADD and Carlos Mencia (Performance Enhanced) stand-up special.
I don't care what anyone else says, this man is the funniest man on the entire freckin' planet.
If I didn't think it was my hypochondriac brain over-reacting (I'm one of those folks who, if in med school, would read about a disease and suddenly be dying from it. "OMG! I HAVE THOSE SYMPTOMS!!!") I would think I was one of the transgendered. Cause I've always thought I shoulda been a boy. Long as I can remember. But I've also always been a hypochondriac. That's why I suffer through the aches and pains I have; I don't think docs and such would believe me if I went to them with it.
But the last few years...I have reoccurring dreams that I'm either a man or that I'm a hermaphrodite. I suppose it could also be feelings/memories from a past life. That'd explain things, too. Except for the distinctly male mannerisms I have.
I remember about ten years ago a friend of the family telling me that I walk like my dad.
I can't sit like a girl in a skirt, despite how much I love the skirts.
My room? Looks like some frat's place. Old dishes and all.
I hate most romantic comedies and other "girly" movies. The most recent girly movie I can remember liking was "Kate and Leopold" some five years ago.
I LOVE movies with fight scenes and blood and big booms. Seriously. Bigger the boom, better the movie, IMO.
My room, a cousin once told me, "(doesn't) look very girly." It's got a couple girly touches (like the small part of my porcelain collection on a few shelves and part of my plushie collection on the shelves daddy built for my b-day) but for the most part, it's pretty guy-ish. Fantasy stuff, tons of vid game paraphernalia, etc).
My voice is often deep like a guys. I've been told otherwise, but I'm not sure I believe it. All recordings I hear of my voice are either painfully high and child-like or deep and very guy-like.
When I'm NOT in skirts, my clothes are often very guy-ish in fashion. Also, a good 1/3 of my wardrobe is guys wear. Then again, that's mostly cause their stuff fits.
I always feel the need to prove my manliness by lifting heavy things and being courteous like a dude.
Yeah, I know, those stuff don't make me a guy. *shrugs* Still can't shake the thought that maybe I shoulda been a guy. And that maybe I'm being silly for thinking that. As much as I loathe my period and my two ton breasts, I'd never get a sex change. For one, you are required in this country to go one year as the gender you are requesting reassignment for. *points to boobs* No way in hell could I bind these enough to pass as a guy. Even a man-boob endowed guy.
Some might think this post had no point. It did. Today I was reminded again of how nice it is that I have this outlet. This journal. They say that writing your thoughts down helps to calm the maelstrom in your head and to come to terms with issues bothering your subconscious. This journal DOES help me. Because of this journal and the online community in general, I'm more or less open about my bisexuality. Two years ago, I wasn't.
I can bitch and moan and nag here and, yeah, sometimes folk bitch and moan and nag back, but for the most time ya folk let me bitch and moan and nag in peace.
...and I think I lost the plot. Damn. Cursed ADD and Carlos Mencia (Performance Enhanced) stand-up special.
I don't care what anyone else says, this man is the funniest man on the entire freckin' planet.