let's see exactly how pretentious i can get.
never yours to begin with
kibum/donghae, flower boys movie!verse
"Dancing is not exactly a stable career choice," is something Kibum's mother used to say about Donghae.
Then again, neither is the career path of a smalltime web terrorist.
At the end of the day, Kibum wonders where they both strayed into the path that was common and straight, how he went from a confused but (in his own mind) complex teenager to a man with little interests and even fewer hobbies.
He dates sometimes, and all he ever talks about is his job, or what dramas were on the evening before. He talks about that, because what he really watches is trash, all while thinking about that business report, that chart, that upcoming innovation convention.
He actually doesn't know what Donghae is or does nowadays, and in a way he just hopes Donghae never actually made anything of himself, because Kibum likes to think at the end of the day, it's not that you find yourself. It's that life finds you.
It's not like you have a choice.
Except.
Except maybe there was a point when he did, and he made that choice, but it's not a moment Kibum likes to think back on. They stole soju from Donghae's parents' fridge and drank in the park behind a large tree, just days after graduation when they really should've been in bed to wake up early and study for university entrance exams. Kibum rarely did things he should have when Donghae was around.
He wasn't sure if he'd ever been this drunk, and Donghae was telling some pretty crass story, so crass Kibum was trying to cover his mouth with a hand, and Donghae was resisting and biting the end of one of Kibum's fingers. They were laughing though, and that's what Kibum remembers, and then next, Donghae kissing him, and Kibum knew the first reaction (yes) couldn't be the right one, so he just pushed Donghae away and said, "No."
The first time he ever told Donghae no. The only time he ever had to.