beginning of an ending. prison au epilogue.
Yeah, I suck for the lateness. Forgive me.
first chapter // second chapter // third chapter // fourth chapter // fifth chapter // sixth chapter // seventh chapter // eighth chapter // ninth chapter // tenth chapter // eleventh chapter
jailbird songs - epilogue
fandom: super junior au
rating: pg-13
pairings: ShiHan, KiHae, KangTeuk, YehWook, HyukSu, KyuMin, ShinBoa
word count: ~ 2,400 words (SHORT I KNOW)
warnings: Crude things.
disclaimer: Did not happen, obviously. Peculiar and cracky and generally vapid.
notes; All of this AU is ++ here ++
“I can't believe you're doing this.”
Siwon sighed. “Can you just take the picture?”
“I mean, what's the worst that could happen if you don't do this. They can't exactly send anybody to roughen you up,” Han Geng said and snorted with laughter. “I mean, we're talking the least threatening criminals I've ever encountered.”
“Geng, just take the picture,” Warden Choi replied. “I'm getting cold.”
“Yeah, I can see,” Han Geng said, barely audible, as Siwon glared at him. He targetted the digital camera and snapped a picture. “Done.” Then he held up a hand. “No, wait, it's processing.”
“What kind of shit camera is that?” Siwon said in frustration.
“Okay, it's done. You can put your pants back on.” Geng smiled at the pantless warden as Siwon took off his shoes and began sliding his legs back into his trousers. “I still don't see why you need to do this, though.”
“It's a question of principle,” Siwon answered. “I lost a bet. So I suffer the repercussions.”
“But they're not in this prison anymore,” Officer Han pointed out.
“Just as well,” Siwon said. “I lost the bet.”
“So are we doing this every day this week?” Han Geng asked.
Siwon blushed faintly. “No, once should be enough. Print it and send it to Kangin in SMtown.”
The intercom buzzed. “Warden, the mayor is here to see you.”
Siwon groaned. “Tell Haha-sshi he'll have a wait a few moments.”
“Yes, but..” Magolpy lowered her voice. “The last time he began rapping campaign speeches through the announcement system, sir. I don't think he knows he's not allowed to do that.”
Siwon looked at Han Geng. “I'm sorry, I really have to handle this right now.”
Officer Han merely smiled. “It's okay, I got what I wanted.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Hey, no innuendo during office hours..”
“Who gives a f--”
Magolpy coughed through the intercom. “Sir?”
“Right,” Siwon said with a sigh, as Han Geng took a step or two towards the door. “See you.”
“Bye,” Han Geng replied and as he opened the door, another figure entered as he exited.
“Siwon-sshi,” Mayor Ha said, opening his arms, “I'm flattered that you would think of me like this but I'm a married man now, please zip up.”
Choi Siwon had never been so embarrassed in his life.
**
Shin Donghee walked up the stairs to his apartment, feet starting to feel tired from all the cha cha cha that day. He should've stretched more before leaving work. He looked up to see a figure in front of his door.
“Hello, neighbor,” Boa greeted him with a smile and two bags of groceries. “I forgot my keys inside my apartment again.”
“Go figure,” Shindong said, almost sarcastically. It had been months now. Why did she feel the need to keep up the act? Sure, they moved in right next door to each other. Sure, she spends more nights at his place than her own. Couldn't they just be out with it by now?
“I guess I'll have to stay over again,” Boa said as he opened the door and she entered his apartment (only technically his, her stuff all over it, her tooth brush and clothes and CD's and books).
“I guess so,” Shindong repeated as he closed the door and she pulled him close enough to kiss. “Can't you just move in officially?” he asked before she leaned in.
“When I get a new job,” she said nonchalantly. “It'll be soon. Promise.”
She leaned in to kiss him and Shindong thought in passing, how it really wasn't all that bad, being like this. He could hang on for a couple of months, her keys constantly missing, her stuff invading his space. It was fine.
It was better than fine.
**
“What's hanging, homos?” Heechul said upon entering the cell.
Hyukjae glared at him. Junsu hid behind a novel. It wasn't one of the better days of their imprisonment.
“Can you stop calling us that?” Hyukjae asked irritably.
“It's a term of endearment,” Heechul replied haughtily. “Between us homosexuals.”
“It's offensive and stupid,” Hyukjae said between his teeth. Junsu glanced at him over his book but his eyes returned to the book quickly.
“Don't be such a fag,” Heechul said with a grin. “But how is my favourite pair? Had a fun day?”
“Splendid,” Junsu said. “Walked in on Sungmin and whatshisface in the showers. Again.”
“Now there's parody for you,” Hyukjae said, cringing.
“Irony, not parody, you dumb fuck,” Junsu corrected him.
“I said irony,” Hyukjae replied defensively.
“You said parody,” Junsu retorted.
“I fucking said irony.”
“Maybe you meant to say irony but you sure as hell said parody.”
“I'm absolutely certain I said irony.” Hyukjae shoved at Junsu.
“You said parody,” Junsu said and poked Hyukjae's side.
“Stop that, tickles,” Hyukjae muttered while grinning.
Heechul turned away, looking mildly disgusted. “Tell me when you're done.”
“We're done, you can look now,” Junsu said and pulled Hyukjae closer for a kiss.
“They really need to limit the PDA in this prison,” Heechul groaned.
**
“We have a problem,” Ryeowook said about as gravely as he could while being snuggled by Yesung at the same time.
“Yes,” Yesung agreed. “A serious problem.”
Sungmin stared at them. “Yes, so what is it?”
“You're plagiarizing,” Yesung replied.
“You're stealing from us,” Ryeowook continued.
Kyuhyun looked utterly puzzled. “We haven't even borrowed anything from you.”
“You're stealing our thing,” Yesung said, pointing an accusative finger at the two. “You're stealing our image.”
Ryeowook frowned intensely. “Yes. Our thing.”
Sungmin shook his head, amused. “I still have no idea what you're talking about.”
“You guys,” Yesung said, sighing in frustration, “are becoming the disgusting couple of the cell block.”
“Yeah,” Ryeowook agreed.
“And that's your thing?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Yes,” Yesung said. “We're the original overly together, way-too-schmoopy, disgustingly romantic couple. We're Fuzzcandy and Pillowmuffin. That's us, our thing that you stole from us.”
“We didn't.. We're not.. We don't call each other stupid stuff like that!” Kyuhyun finally managed to finish, feeling the heat spread onto his cheeks.
Sungmin snickered. “Yeah, you can keep it to yourselves, Pillowmuffin.”
“Actually, I'm Pillowmuffin, he's Fuzz--” Ryeowook began but Yesung interrupted him.
“It doesn't matter! Your public hand-holding is still too overly romantic,” Yesung said. “So cut it out!”
“Yes,” Ryeowook agreed.
“This is the last warning we give you guys,” Yesung said with a warning tone.
“Or what, you'll cover us in cotton, Fuzzcandy?” Sungmin asked with a smile.
Yesung pulled at Ryeowook's sleeve. “Let's leave, puffpie.”
“Bye,” Ryeowook said as they went their way.
Kyuhyun looked at Sungmin. “What now?”
“I can't come up with pet names,” Sungmin said with a shrug. “Guess we'll have to conform to some other stereotype.”
“Oh well,” Kyuhyun said, grinning a little now.
“The honeymoon is over,” Sungmin replied, grinning now, too.
**
“Kangin-sshi!” Eeteuk said excitedly as he sat down next to the other one in the prison cafeteria.
“What is it?” Kangin asked nonchalantly, poking at the near-edible food with his chopsticks.
“Me and Eunhyuk won the radio contest, we get a chance to host a radio show for a week here from the prison. If it gets lots of listeners, they might extend the program.”
Kangin was smiling but still shook his head in disbelief. “That sounds beyond weird.”
“We're going to call it 'Kiss the Radio',” Eeteuk said dreamily.
“And that's about the gayest thing I've ever heard,” Kangin replied, raising his eye brows.
“Well, in that case you can be sure you're not one of our upcoming guests on Kiss the Radio,” Eeteuk said in a wounded manner.
“Crying shame,” Kangin commented. “Guess I'll just listen, then.”
“You're jealous!” Eeteuk exclaimed accusingly.
“Yeah, absolutely,” Kangin said sarcastically. “Too bad I just don't have the face for radio.”
Eeteuk frowned and Kangin pulled him closer on the bench.
“I'm just kidding, I'm sure it'll be great.”
“I know,” Eeteuk said. “After all, I'm in it. My voice is hot.”
“Hot enough to make people want to kiss the radio?” Kangin asked. “Might turn out to be a problem.”
“For you?” Eeteuk asked.
“For everybody not me,” Kangin said but then laughed. “Oh who am I kidding. Like people will actually listen.”
“People will,” Eeteuk said, frowning. “Listeners will circle the prison holding banners, 'free Kiss the Radio!' and so forth.”
“Sure, old man,” Kangin said. “Well, I promise I'll listen, if nothing else.”
Eeteuk snorted. “Wow, thanks for the support.”
“Anything for my missus,” Kangin replied. “Order whatever you want, it's on me.”
“You're too kind,” Eeteuk said sarcastically, standing up to get food for himself.
“That's why you love me,” Kangin exclaimed after him.
**
The new generation, Father Eric thought idly as Chris knocked over the candle that set the Bible on fire - that Lio was currently stomping on with his foot as Tae-hwa looked on, eyes wide with amazement - the new generation wasn't better or worse than the old one. It was simply different.
“Guys,” Eric said, clapping his hands together, “that's all for tonight's sermon. No, really, Lio, it's okay, just leave it like that.”
“Sorry, Father,” Chris muttered while blushing.
“It's okay,” Eric said. “What's a burnt Holy Word or two. Most sold book on the planet, we'd be in trouble if what you burned was Harry Potter. Great book, by the way.”
As the new kids left, Eric retired to his office and checked his emails before leaving work. Three new messages, only two from a drunken Dongwan, talking about pidgeons or music, or both. One was from a drunken Minwoo, subject line: “Rap Pil-kyo strikes back!! Explicit, don't click.”
Eric didn't click on it, perhaps later. He missed them, a lot, and on his way to the car he dialed Andy's number, but there was no signal.
Usually, it didn't get this lonely, what with Jesus on his side. Usually.
He saw Dr Kim walking towards his own car.
“Yo doc,” Eric exclaimed across the parking hall. “Doing something tonight?”
Dr Kim looked startled. “Uhh, yes, Father. Meeting a friend. Coffee. At a coffee house.”
“Have fun,” Eric wished him, not bothering to lift his hand up for a wave. He dialed Junjin's number, and the man picked up.
“Hyung!” Eric heard through the phone as he sat in his car.
“Choongjae-sshi,” Eric simply said. “How are you?”
He himself was fine, really.
**
“This is our backstory, and it's very important you know this exactly and keep up with it,” Kibum said as his hands turned the car wheel. “It has to be consistent.”
“Right,” Donghae said, lounging on the car seat next to the driver's seat in a way Kibum found just a bit too relaxed. “Can I turn on the car radio?” he asked just as he turned it on, Brahms suddenly blasting in Kibum's small - comfortably small, Kibum corrected himself - car.
“No, come on, later,” Kibum exclaimed and quickly turned off the radio. He sighed. “Are you ready to listen to me now?”
“Classical, why am I not surprised,” Donghae said with a grin on his face. “Does it help you relax?”
“Yes,” Kibum answered, slightly annoyed.
“Most people just jerk off, you know,” Donghae said casually and watched Kibum blush slightly.
“We met at a summer camp,” Kibum said then, changing the subject quickly.
“Excuse me?”
“We met at a summer camp, and that's our backstory. We became friends there, and have kept in touch ever since.”
“Did we fuck?” Donghae asked innocently.
Kibum thought he was going to choke on the air he was breathing. “We were thirteen!” he exclaims, scandalized.
Donghae just laughed. “Okay, maybe not then. But I bet you had a crush on me.”
“No, that's the whole damn point. We're not gay-living together. We're just life-long friends, living together as I support you getting your life back on track. And this is what our landlord will get to hear and this is what he will believe.”
“While we fully gay-live together in his building?” Donghae grinned. “Oh, that's bad. We could go to jail for that.”
Kibum couldn't help but return Donghae's smile. “Did you talk with your parents?”
“Yeah, I just called them this morning to let them know my new address.”
“And?”
Donghae frowned. “They're really angry at me for not marrying a doctor.”
“I am a doctor!” Kibum said.
“Only a head-doctor. Not like a proper one.” Donghae poked his side. “Relax, I'm only messing with you. What else does our intricate backstory contain?”
“Um,” Kibum said, swallowing. “Well, that's pretty much it. I got your own bed and you have your own room so if the landlord ever comes check the pipes or something, he won't notice, we're, uhh.”
“Sleeping in the same bed?” Donghae offered.
“Pr-pretty much,” Kibum agreed, feeling his face burn.
“Your intelligence is a constant wonder,” Donghae said.
Kibum glared at him. “You try coming up with something better!”
“No, no, I like this backstory better. Summer camp, so that means--”
“No,” Kibum interrupted him.
“You don't know what I was going to say!” Donghae exclaimed.
“There is no perverse meaning to us going to summer camp together,” Kibum concluded.
Donghae sighed, and was quiet for a while. “Shame.”
Kibum grinned.
**
Siwon simply stared at Han Geng over the table they were sitting at. “You ...miss them?”
“Sometimes,” Geng replied without looking up from his meal. “Don't you?”
“No!” Siwon said hastily. “Not one bit. Why would you?”
“I don't know,” Han Geng shrugged. “I just do.”
Siwon thought about it. It had been four months, slightly more, since the transfer. He supposed, if he was going to miss them - which he wouldn't, that was just stupid, a bunch of criminals.. - he would miss them now. The prison did feel different after they left, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing as now hardly anybody talked back at him when he made speeches or announcements, and general keeping order was even easier than before.
“Seldom,” Siwon told Han Geng. “I seldom miss them.”
Han Geng just smiled.
**
“That went well,” Donghae told Kibum as he closed the door behind them.
“Yeah, if we're lucky he'll only think of us as mentally imbalanced,” Kibum said sarcastically. “The fact you told him we didn't meet in prison sure cleared any and all suspicions he had about us.”
“He won't tell, being such a nice ajusshi.” Donghae merely shrugged. “This place is cramped, though.”
“Because all your stuff is still in boxes,” Kibum replied. “Let's unpack, shall we?”
“Boring,” Donghae said. “Where's the bedroom?”
“No,” Kibum said, reddening in the face, “I mean, this is just, er, you only just moved and I was thinking, um, I mean, later, maybe--”
Donghae had picked up an object in his arms. “I meant,” he began, raising his eye brows at Kibum, “the TV.”
“Oh,” Kibum said. “Er, let's just put it in the living-room.”
“I can't believe you never had a TV,” Donghae said, setting down the television set.
Kibum shrugged. “There's nothing on TV anyway.”
“What does anybody do if they don't have a TV?”
“Useful things. Reading.”
“You can read the TV too, tons of shows have subtitles!”
Donghae grinned at him, and Kibum grinned back. “We're quite different, aren't we?”
“No,” Donghae said, walking to Kibum and pulling him closer. “We're not too different.”
“Yeah,” Kibum agreed. “Because we've both got to be fucking nuts to do this.”
“If you're nuts,” Donghae said, “I'll fix you.”
“It doesn't work like tha--” Kibum began just as Donghae leaned in to kiss him.
Well, whatever, he thought. Sanity did always depend on definition, anyway.
---FIN----
A/N: Well, not quite fin.
Because there's like 3,000 words of continuation to this but there's also a catch; it's all KiHae, it's totally stupid and it is REALLY not the beginnings of Prison!AU: the Sequel, so don't start daydreaming about such a thing. It's just KiHae I write because it's just so delicious to write them when they're finally together.
And everybody gets a happy ending, because that's how I roll. And out of friggin' nowhere I make HaHa guest appear (if you don't know who HaHa is, well, find out because he owns me). And Sukira, because hey, how could I not?
Oh, and Battle. I knew I said no more guest appearances and shit, I can't write Battle, I hardly know their names, but I do know they have sparkly fail (thanks for teaching me this, sugarless_666!) so this scene was just begging to be written.
Sorry I fictionally burned a Bible, god.
I'll probably post a long rambly post about this after I post and link the extras here. But to be short..
MASSIVE THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO READ AND SQUEE'ED AND COMMENTED ALONG THE WAY. I would've probably never been as driven to finish this and not abandon it, had it not been for your feedback. I don't normally do fics this cracky, this batshit, or this long, and this fic really needed its fans to be finished.
Individual thanks because YEAH I'M A FUCKING DORK LIKE THAT. This is my first really long fic, I need to do this even though it's soooooo Fanfiction.net and hence embarrassing.
this_is_cd - Because she came up with the prompt, and she was always enthusiastic about the fic and I could always come up with new whacky ideas while having convos with her or just random bits of KiHae dialogue that have nothing to do with anything. Donghae's pr0n library with footnotes, YEAH BABY.
ayray - For being my Russian cheerleader supremo, for the trans, for the extreme fangirling. ♥
sugarless_666 - For educational convos on Father Eric and such. :D
imajo - For educational convos on pr0n, icon pr0n and such. :D
phasera - Even though you're probably not reading anymore, thank you for earlier support.
forfirith_tda / blessedangel13 / kenshinjunkie03 / fading_sun_sock / comicbookending / fanciful / chuchama / lovelysilver19 / mutane_kurosaki / out_of_words24 / jaded_skys - For commenting so religiously. Thanks for the support. ♥ ♥ ♥
And um, massive thanks to everybody who commented, though less times than everybody mentioned here.. I couldn't mention all of you guys, that would take up way too much space. Regardless, thank you so much, I appreciate all commenters. :)
Uh, yeah, enough blabbing, I'll go post extras now..
Edit: >>>>>>>>>>>>> EXTRAS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
ALL KIHAE! Oh, and while I try to never say never, it has to be noted that there will probably never be a sequel as well, I have no idea what such a thing would contain. So cherish the Kihae continuations. :D
first chapter // second chapter // third chapter // fourth chapter // fifth chapter // sixth chapter // seventh chapter // eighth chapter // ninth chapter // tenth chapter // eleventh chapter
jailbird songs - epilogue
fandom: super junior au
rating: pg-13
pairings: ShiHan, KiHae, KangTeuk, YehWook, HyukSu, KyuMin, ShinBoa
word count: ~ 2,400 words (SHORT I KNOW)
warnings: Crude things.
disclaimer: Did not happen, obviously. Peculiar and cracky and generally vapid.
notes; All of this AU is ++ here ++
“I can't believe you're doing this.”
Siwon sighed. “Can you just take the picture?”
“I mean, what's the worst that could happen if you don't do this. They can't exactly send anybody to roughen you up,” Han Geng said and snorted with laughter. “I mean, we're talking the least threatening criminals I've ever encountered.”
“Geng, just take the picture,” Warden Choi replied. “I'm getting cold.”
“Yeah, I can see,” Han Geng said, barely audible, as Siwon glared at him. He targetted the digital camera and snapped a picture. “Done.” Then he held up a hand. “No, wait, it's processing.”
“What kind of shit camera is that?” Siwon said in frustration.
“Okay, it's done. You can put your pants back on.” Geng smiled at the pantless warden as Siwon took off his shoes and began sliding his legs back into his trousers. “I still don't see why you need to do this, though.”
“It's a question of principle,” Siwon answered. “I lost a bet. So I suffer the repercussions.”
“But they're not in this prison anymore,” Officer Han pointed out.
“Just as well,” Siwon said. “I lost the bet.”
“So are we doing this every day this week?” Han Geng asked.
Siwon blushed faintly. “No, once should be enough. Print it and send it to Kangin in SMtown.”
The intercom buzzed. “Warden, the mayor is here to see you.”
Siwon groaned. “Tell Haha-sshi he'll have a wait a few moments.”
“Yes, but..” Magolpy lowered her voice. “The last time he began rapping campaign speeches through the announcement system, sir. I don't think he knows he's not allowed to do that.”
Siwon looked at Han Geng. “I'm sorry, I really have to handle this right now.”
Officer Han merely smiled. “It's okay, I got what I wanted.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Hey, no innuendo during office hours..”
“Who gives a f--”
Magolpy coughed through the intercom. “Sir?”
“Right,” Siwon said with a sigh, as Han Geng took a step or two towards the door. “See you.”
“Bye,” Han Geng replied and as he opened the door, another figure entered as he exited.
“Siwon-sshi,” Mayor Ha said, opening his arms, “I'm flattered that you would think of me like this but I'm a married man now, please zip up.”
Choi Siwon had never been so embarrassed in his life.
**
Shin Donghee walked up the stairs to his apartment, feet starting to feel tired from all the cha cha cha that day. He should've stretched more before leaving work. He looked up to see a figure in front of his door.
“Hello, neighbor,” Boa greeted him with a smile and two bags of groceries. “I forgot my keys inside my apartment again.”
“Go figure,” Shindong said, almost sarcastically. It had been months now. Why did she feel the need to keep up the act? Sure, they moved in right next door to each other. Sure, she spends more nights at his place than her own. Couldn't they just be out with it by now?
“I guess I'll have to stay over again,” Boa said as he opened the door and she entered his apartment (only technically his, her stuff all over it, her tooth brush and clothes and CD's and books).
“I guess so,” Shindong repeated as he closed the door and she pulled him close enough to kiss. “Can't you just move in officially?” he asked before she leaned in.
“When I get a new job,” she said nonchalantly. “It'll be soon. Promise.”
She leaned in to kiss him and Shindong thought in passing, how it really wasn't all that bad, being like this. He could hang on for a couple of months, her keys constantly missing, her stuff invading his space. It was fine.
It was better than fine.
**
“What's hanging, homos?” Heechul said upon entering the cell.
Hyukjae glared at him. Junsu hid behind a novel. It wasn't one of the better days of their imprisonment.
“Can you stop calling us that?” Hyukjae asked irritably.
“It's a term of endearment,” Heechul replied haughtily. “Between us homosexuals.”
“It's offensive and stupid,” Hyukjae said between his teeth. Junsu glanced at him over his book but his eyes returned to the book quickly.
“Don't be such a fag,” Heechul said with a grin. “But how is my favourite pair? Had a fun day?”
“Splendid,” Junsu said. “Walked in on Sungmin and whatshisface in the showers. Again.”
“Now there's parody for you,” Hyukjae said, cringing.
“Irony, not parody, you dumb fuck,” Junsu corrected him.
“I said irony,” Hyukjae replied defensively.
“You said parody,” Junsu retorted.
“I fucking said irony.”
“Maybe you meant to say irony but you sure as hell said parody.”
“I'm absolutely certain I said irony.” Hyukjae shoved at Junsu.
“You said parody,” Junsu said and poked Hyukjae's side.
“Stop that, tickles,” Hyukjae muttered while grinning.
Heechul turned away, looking mildly disgusted. “Tell me when you're done.”
“We're done, you can look now,” Junsu said and pulled Hyukjae closer for a kiss.
“They really need to limit the PDA in this prison,” Heechul groaned.
**
“We have a problem,” Ryeowook said about as gravely as he could while being snuggled by Yesung at the same time.
“Yes,” Yesung agreed. “A serious problem.”
Sungmin stared at them. “Yes, so what is it?”
“You're plagiarizing,” Yesung replied.
“You're stealing from us,” Ryeowook continued.
Kyuhyun looked utterly puzzled. “We haven't even borrowed anything from you.”
“You're stealing our thing,” Yesung said, pointing an accusative finger at the two. “You're stealing our image.”
Ryeowook frowned intensely. “Yes. Our thing.”
Sungmin shook his head, amused. “I still have no idea what you're talking about.”
“You guys,” Yesung said, sighing in frustration, “are becoming the disgusting couple of the cell block.”
“Yeah,” Ryeowook agreed.
“And that's your thing?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Yes,” Yesung said. “We're the original overly together, way-too-schmoopy, disgustingly romantic couple. We're Fuzzcandy and Pillowmuffin. That's us, our thing that you stole from us.”
“We didn't.. We're not.. We don't call each other stupid stuff like that!” Kyuhyun finally managed to finish, feeling the heat spread onto his cheeks.
Sungmin snickered. “Yeah, you can keep it to yourselves, Pillowmuffin.”
“Actually, I'm Pillowmuffin, he's Fuzz--” Ryeowook began but Yesung interrupted him.
“It doesn't matter! Your public hand-holding is still too overly romantic,” Yesung said. “So cut it out!”
“Yes,” Ryeowook agreed.
“This is the last warning we give you guys,” Yesung said with a warning tone.
“Or what, you'll cover us in cotton, Fuzzcandy?” Sungmin asked with a smile.
Yesung pulled at Ryeowook's sleeve. “Let's leave, puffpie.”
“Bye,” Ryeowook said as they went their way.
Kyuhyun looked at Sungmin. “What now?”
“I can't come up with pet names,” Sungmin said with a shrug. “Guess we'll have to conform to some other stereotype.”
“Oh well,” Kyuhyun said, grinning a little now.
“The honeymoon is over,” Sungmin replied, grinning now, too.
**
“Kangin-sshi!” Eeteuk said excitedly as he sat down next to the other one in the prison cafeteria.
“What is it?” Kangin asked nonchalantly, poking at the near-edible food with his chopsticks.
“Me and Eunhyuk won the radio contest, we get a chance to host a radio show for a week here from the prison. If it gets lots of listeners, they might extend the program.”
Kangin was smiling but still shook his head in disbelief. “That sounds beyond weird.”
“We're going to call it 'Kiss the Radio',” Eeteuk said dreamily.
“And that's about the gayest thing I've ever heard,” Kangin replied, raising his eye brows.
“Well, in that case you can be sure you're not one of our upcoming guests on Kiss the Radio,” Eeteuk said in a wounded manner.
“Crying shame,” Kangin commented. “Guess I'll just listen, then.”
“You're jealous!” Eeteuk exclaimed accusingly.
“Yeah, absolutely,” Kangin said sarcastically. “Too bad I just don't have the face for radio.”
Eeteuk frowned and Kangin pulled him closer on the bench.
“I'm just kidding, I'm sure it'll be great.”
“I know,” Eeteuk said. “After all, I'm in it. My voice is hot.”
“Hot enough to make people want to kiss the radio?” Kangin asked. “Might turn out to be a problem.”
“For you?” Eeteuk asked.
“For everybody not me,” Kangin said but then laughed. “Oh who am I kidding. Like people will actually listen.”
“People will,” Eeteuk said, frowning. “Listeners will circle the prison holding banners, 'free Kiss the Radio!' and so forth.”
“Sure, old man,” Kangin said. “Well, I promise I'll listen, if nothing else.”
Eeteuk snorted. “Wow, thanks for the support.”
“Anything for my missus,” Kangin replied. “Order whatever you want, it's on me.”
“You're too kind,” Eeteuk said sarcastically, standing up to get food for himself.
“That's why you love me,” Kangin exclaimed after him.
**
The new generation, Father Eric thought idly as Chris knocked over the candle that set the Bible on fire - that Lio was currently stomping on with his foot as Tae-hwa looked on, eyes wide with amazement - the new generation wasn't better or worse than the old one. It was simply different.
“Guys,” Eric said, clapping his hands together, “that's all for tonight's sermon. No, really, Lio, it's okay, just leave it like that.”
“Sorry, Father,” Chris muttered while blushing.
“It's okay,” Eric said. “What's a burnt Holy Word or two. Most sold book on the planet, we'd be in trouble if what you burned was Harry Potter. Great book, by the way.”
As the new kids left, Eric retired to his office and checked his emails before leaving work. Three new messages, only two from a drunken Dongwan, talking about pidgeons or music, or both. One was from a drunken Minwoo, subject line: “Rap Pil-kyo strikes back!! Explicit, don't click.”
Eric didn't click on it, perhaps later. He missed them, a lot, and on his way to the car he dialed Andy's number, but there was no signal.
Usually, it didn't get this lonely, what with Jesus on his side. Usually.
He saw Dr Kim walking towards his own car.
“Yo doc,” Eric exclaimed across the parking hall. “Doing something tonight?”
Dr Kim looked startled. “Uhh, yes, Father. Meeting a friend. Coffee. At a coffee house.”
“Have fun,” Eric wished him, not bothering to lift his hand up for a wave. He dialed Junjin's number, and the man picked up.
“Hyung!” Eric heard through the phone as he sat in his car.
“Choongjae-sshi,” Eric simply said. “How are you?”
He himself was fine, really.
**
“This is our backstory, and it's very important you know this exactly and keep up with it,” Kibum said as his hands turned the car wheel. “It has to be consistent.”
“Right,” Donghae said, lounging on the car seat next to the driver's seat in a way Kibum found just a bit too relaxed. “Can I turn on the car radio?” he asked just as he turned it on, Brahms suddenly blasting in Kibum's small - comfortably small, Kibum corrected himself - car.
“No, come on, later,” Kibum exclaimed and quickly turned off the radio. He sighed. “Are you ready to listen to me now?”
“Classical, why am I not surprised,” Donghae said with a grin on his face. “Does it help you relax?”
“Yes,” Kibum answered, slightly annoyed.
“Most people just jerk off, you know,” Donghae said casually and watched Kibum blush slightly.
“We met at a summer camp,” Kibum said then, changing the subject quickly.
“Excuse me?”
“We met at a summer camp, and that's our backstory. We became friends there, and have kept in touch ever since.”
“Did we fuck?” Donghae asked innocently.
Kibum thought he was going to choke on the air he was breathing. “We were thirteen!” he exclaims, scandalized.
Donghae just laughed. “Okay, maybe not then. But I bet you had a crush on me.”
“No, that's the whole damn point. We're not gay-living together. We're just life-long friends, living together as I support you getting your life back on track. And this is what our landlord will get to hear and this is what he will believe.”
“While we fully gay-live together in his building?” Donghae grinned. “Oh, that's bad. We could go to jail for that.”
Kibum couldn't help but return Donghae's smile. “Did you talk with your parents?”
“Yeah, I just called them this morning to let them know my new address.”
“And?”
Donghae frowned. “They're really angry at me for not marrying a doctor.”
“I am a doctor!” Kibum said.
“Only a head-doctor. Not like a proper one.” Donghae poked his side. “Relax, I'm only messing with you. What else does our intricate backstory contain?”
“Um,” Kibum said, swallowing. “Well, that's pretty much it. I got your own bed and you have your own room so if the landlord ever comes check the pipes or something, he won't notice, we're, uhh.”
“Sleeping in the same bed?” Donghae offered.
“Pr-pretty much,” Kibum agreed, feeling his face burn.
“Your intelligence is a constant wonder,” Donghae said.
Kibum glared at him. “You try coming up with something better!”
“No, no, I like this backstory better. Summer camp, so that means--”
“No,” Kibum interrupted him.
“You don't know what I was going to say!” Donghae exclaimed.
“There is no perverse meaning to us going to summer camp together,” Kibum concluded.
Donghae sighed, and was quiet for a while. “Shame.”
Kibum grinned.
**
Siwon simply stared at Han Geng over the table they were sitting at. “You ...miss them?”
“Sometimes,” Geng replied without looking up from his meal. “Don't you?”
“No!” Siwon said hastily. “Not one bit. Why would you?”
“I don't know,” Han Geng shrugged. “I just do.”
Siwon thought about it. It had been four months, slightly more, since the transfer. He supposed, if he was going to miss them - which he wouldn't, that was just stupid, a bunch of criminals.. - he would miss them now. The prison did feel different after they left, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing as now hardly anybody talked back at him when he made speeches or announcements, and general keeping order was even easier than before.
“Seldom,” Siwon told Han Geng. “I seldom miss them.”
Han Geng just smiled.
**
“That went well,” Donghae told Kibum as he closed the door behind them.
“Yeah, if we're lucky he'll only think of us as mentally imbalanced,” Kibum said sarcastically. “The fact you told him we didn't meet in prison sure cleared any and all suspicions he had about us.”
“He won't tell, being such a nice ajusshi.” Donghae merely shrugged. “This place is cramped, though.”
“Because all your stuff is still in boxes,” Kibum replied. “Let's unpack, shall we?”
“Boring,” Donghae said. “Where's the bedroom?”
“No,” Kibum said, reddening in the face, “I mean, this is just, er, you only just moved and I was thinking, um, I mean, later, maybe--”
Donghae had picked up an object in his arms. “I meant,” he began, raising his eye brows at Kibum, “the TV.”
“Oh,” Kibum said. “Er, let's just put it in the living-room.”
“I can't believe you never had a TV,” Donghae said, setting down the television set.
Kibum shrugged. “There's nothing on TV anyway.”
“What does anybody do if they don't have a TV?”
“Useful things. Reading.”
“You can read the TV too, tons of shows have subtitles!”
Donghae grinned at him, and Kibum grinned back. “We're quite different, aren't we?”
“No,” Donghae said, walking to Kibum and pulling him closer. “We're not too different.”
“Yeah,” Kibum agreed. “Because we've both got to be fucking nuts to do this.”
“If you're nuts,” Donghae said, “I'll fix you.”
“It doesn't work like tha--” Kibum began just as Donghae leaned in to kiss him.
Well, whatever, he thought. Sanity did always depend on definition, anyway.
---FIN----
A/N: Well, not quite fin.
Because there's like 3,000 words of continuation to this but there's also a catch; it's all KiHae, it's totally stupid and it is REALLY not the beginnings of Prison!AU: the Sequel, so don't start daydreaming about such a thing. It's just KiHae I write because it's just so delicious to write them when they're finally together.
And everybody gets a happy ending, because that's how I roll. And out of friggin' nowhere I make HaHa guest appear (if you don't know who HaHa is, well, find out because he owns me). And Sukira, because hey, how could I not?
Oh, and Battle. I knew I said no more guest appearances and shit, I can't write Battle, I hardly know their names, but I do know they have sparkly fail (thanks for teaching me this, sugarless_666!) so this scene was just begging to be written.
Sorry I fictionally burned a Bible, god.
I'll probably post a long rambly post about this after I post and link the extras here. But to be short..
MASSIVE THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO READ AND SQUEE'ED AND COMMENTED ALONG THE WAY. I would've probably never been as driven to finish this and not abandon it, had it not been for your feedback. I don't normally do fics this cracky, this batshit, or this long, and this fic really needed its fans to be finished.
Individual thanks because YEAH I'M A FUCKING DORK LIKE THAT. This is my first really long fic, I need to do this even though it's soooooo Fanfiction.net and hence embarrassing.
this_is_cd - Because she came up with the prompt, and she was always enthusiastic about the fic and I could always come up with new whacky ideas while having convos with her or just random bits of KiHae dialogue that have nothing to do with anything. Donghae's pr0n library with footnotes, YEAH BABY.
ayray - For being my Russian cheerleader supremo, for the trans, for the extreme fangirling. ♥
sugarless_666 - For educational convos on Father Eric and such. :D
imajo - For educational convos on pr0n, icon pr0n and such. :D
phasera - Even though you're probably not reading anymore, thank you for earlier support.
forfirith_tda / blessedangel13 / kenshinjunkie03 / fading_sun_sock / comicbookending / fanciful / chuchama / lovelysilver19 / mutane_kurosaki / out_of_words24 / jaded_skys - For commenting so religiously. Thanks for the support. ♥ ♥ ♥
And um, massive thanks to everybody who commented, though less times than everybody mentioned here.. I couldn't mention all of you guys, that would take up way too much space. Regardless, thank you so much, I appreciate all commenters. :)
Uh, yeah, enough blabbing, I'll go post extras now..
Edit: >>>>>>>>>>>>> EXTRAS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
ALL KIHAE! Oh, and while I try to never say never, it has to be noted that there will probably never be a sequel as well, I have no idea what such a thing would contain. So cherish the Kihae continuations. :D