catholicism - it's super cool! (in prison!au)
Chapter 6 of Prison!AU is coming ..eventully. For now, have a little something about Father Eric, probably set sometime during chapter 3.
Confessional Confessions - a Father Eric interlude
Sure, the job has its benefits. He enjoys sermon-writing and let's face it, looks amazing in black. And the whole religion side of it is fantastic, too. He's really big on faith, Jesus, Bible, you name it, Father Eric digs it.
Now, just one little but. The prisoners.
Don't get him wrong, he likes some, they're lovely little sheep of God and pray a lot and come to tell him about the time the Christ appeared in their dreams. That all works. But no, the real problem is the prisoners who aren't religious but like to play around with the idea of maybe becoming religious. Eric is very good at marketing faith but it gets tiring. Some people aren't meant to accept the love of Christ Almighty. Not because they're bad, not really, but because they're so annoying there's no way Jesus would want to hang with them in Paradise when the time comes.
So maybe Eric's a bit unorthodox with his ideas. But he puts up a good face for the higher religious authorities and well, they never find out what really goes on in this prison.
A knock on the door disturbs him from his work (or an intense game of solitaire, whatever). Just what he needed, distractions.
“Come in,” he says, and the kid that enters his office is new, and fearful looking.
“Hello,” he says with a bow.
“So, what's up?” Eric asks, leaning back in his chair.
“Um. Confessional?” the boy says nervously.
“Okay, sure, sit down,” Eric says, indicating the chair before the desk. He then takes a board and places it on the table so that he can no longer see the kid, and the kid can't see him.
“This is the confessional booth?”
“Budget cuts, what can you do,” Eric says with a shrug. “Let's get this show on the road, though. How have you sinned?”
His hand lands on the computer mouse and he clicks back to the solitaire window. He's not going to make a new record but he might as well finish the game...
“I've, um, thought about another male in a ..sexual way,” the kid chokes out awkwardly.
Eric rolls his eyes far back in his head. The most original of all sins, and the one he's a bit sick of hearing at this point. It's always that, “wah wah I kissed another boy” or “yadda yadda I masturbated”. Well, duhh, they are in prison. They'd be crazy not to grow sexually frustrated.
“Oh, really?” Eric says, forcing the tone of surprise.
“Yes,” the kid manages. “Forgive me, Father.”
“What for?” Eric asks.
The kid pauses. “Um. Homosexuality is a sin?”
“Is it really?” Eric asks lightly. “Figure that.”
“Um, it says so in the Bible, Father..”
“Wait, let me check,” Eric says and shuffles some of the random papers he has on his desk. His other hand is on the mouse, starting a new game, awesome, two aces, click - click --
“Did you find it?” the boy asks.
“Nope, sorry, not in this Bible.” Eric pretends to slam the book shut. “Jesus was big on love, though, don't you know?”
“Yes, of course, but--”
“What's your name?” Eric asks, starting up the prison database program. He can't help but be curious as to who this new just-discovering-his-prison-sexuality guy is.
“Are you going to report me?” the kid asks sadly.
“Yes, I'm e-mailing all your details to Satan himself. Nah, I just like to keep track of who comes visit me, that's all. Come on, name please,” Eric says and looks at the solitaire game again. Maybe he should practise spider solitaire more...
“Cho-cho Kyuhyun,” the boy answers.
“Thanks,” Eric says and types it up. Yep, the kid is definitely new. S1J3 his new home, no wonder he's straying from the path of hetero so soon after his arrival. Oh well, best of luck there. “Anything else you'd like to confess, Kyuhyun?”
“I, er, uhh, I guess nothing.”
“Great,” Eric says and takes the board off the table. “Then hey, I guess I'll see you next Sunday at the sermon.”
“The what?” Kyuhyun asks.
“They're not very popular but I try to make them all fun, it's not always fire and brimstone but also like, cool stuff about our lord and savior, you know? I even drop some beats, you should come!” Eric smiles like he's doing a CF and awkwardly, Kyuhyun returns the smile.
“I suppose... Thank you, Father Eric.”
“You're welcome,” Eric says and turns back to the computer. Maybe he should check that gospel website he's been meaning to...
But just as Cho Kyuhyun leaves the office, another inmate enters. He's smiling widely and has none of Kyuhyun's nervousness, comfortable as if Eric's office was his home.
“Hey,” he greets Eric.
Eric looks at him and sighs heavily, not even trying to hide his true emotions. “Lee Donghae, what are you doing here again?”
“Confessional,” Donghae says with a grin. “Hey, what was the new kid doing here?”
“He's been thinking about killing somebody,” Eric says.
“Cool,” Donghae replies. “Wait, did you just break your vow of silence?”
Eric sighs, and places the board back on the desk. Not seeing Lee Donghae sometimes makes the whole thing easier. Other times, it somehow makes it worse.
“Out with it,” Eric says.
“Bless me father for I have sinned,” Donghae says calmly.
Big friggin' deal, Eric thinks to himself. He forces himself to adopt a comforting tone. “How have you sinned?”
“I told you about the new shrink, didn't I?” Donghae begins. “Well, this morning I had this really hot thought about him and one thing lead to another and-- are you writing this down?”
“Donghae,” Eric says, not trying to hide his frustration anymore, “for the last goddamn time, I do not exist so that you have somebody to catalogue your sexual experiences.”
“But Heechul said you write down his stories!” Donghae exclaims.
“I was actually just typing an e-mail while he talked,” Eric replies. “So, you masturbated this morning. Anything else?”
“Yeah, and then - wait, am I forgiven for the masturbation?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Eric says and tries to find spider solitaire on his computer. Or maybe he should finally learn how to play Starcraft... World of Warcraft? Hmm.
Lee Donghae continues talking and Eric completely zones out at some point, until Donghae knocks on the board between them.
“Still there, Father?”
“Of course,” Eric says. “Hey, did you know talking about homosexuality to your priest is a sin?”
“Really?” Donghae asks.
“Yeah, it says so in the Bible,” Eric replies.
“I love that book,” Donghae says.
“Are we done?” Eric asks, and takes the board off the desk before Donghae can answer. Sometimes he finds it hard to accept that he should plug his awesome religion to people like Lee Donghae. Come to think of it, he almost regrets giving up booze and sex because of people like Lee Donghae.
The ultimate test of faith if there ever was one.
“Hey, Father, have you ever liked somebody so much you've wanted to ditch priesthood and just, you know, do it with them?” Donghae asks as Eric gets up to usher him out of the office.
“Oh yeah, sure,” Eric answers sarcastically, “every time you visit, Donghae-sshi.”
“Oh, wow,” Donghae says and grins, “I'm sorry Father Eric, I'm just not into older guys.”
“You don't understand how much that breaks my heart,” Eric says and pushes the door closed so that Donghae is left on the outside.
As he walks back to his desk, sighing in relief, he hears Donghae yell through the door, “Maybe Jesus can unbreak it!”
He should've thought twice about working at a prison. Then again, settling onto his comfortable office chair and logging onto Starcraft for the first time, maybe not. Maybe this is his real true calling.
---
a/n: He's not too according to the real Shinhwa personality but I just wanted to make him the coolest priest ever. Also, crack.
Confessional Confessions - a Father Eric interlude
Sure, the job has its benefits. He enjoys sermon-writing and let's face it, looks amazing in black. And the whole religion side of it is fantastic, too. He's really big on faith, Jesus, Bible, you name it, Father Eric digs it.
Now, just one little but. The prisoners.
Don't get him wrong, he likes some, they're lovely little sheep of God and pray a lot and come to tell him about the time the Christ appeared in their dreams. That all works. But no, the real problem is the prisoners who aren't religious but like to play around with the idea of maybe becoming religious. Eric is very good at marketing faith but it gets tiring. Some people aren't meant to accept the love of Christ Almighty. Not because they're bad, not really, but because they're so annoying there's no way Jesus would want to hang with them in Paradise when the time comes.
So maybe Eric's a bit unorthodox with his ideas. But he puts up a good face for the higher religious authorities and well, they never find out what really goes on in this prison.
A knock on the door disturbs him from his work (or an intense game of solitaire, whatever). Just what he needed, distractions.
“Come in,” he says, and the kid that enters his office is new, and fearful looking.
“Hello,” he says with a bow.
“So, what's up?” Eric asks, leaning back in his chair.
“Um. Confessional?” the boy says nervously.
“Okay, sure, sit down,” Eric says, indicating the chair before the desk. He then takes a board and places it on the table so that he can no longer see the kid, and the kid can't see him.
“This is the confessional booth?”
“Budget cuts, what can you do,” Eric says with a shrug. “Let's get this show on the road, though. How have you sinned?”
His hand lands on the computer mouse and he clicks back to the solitaire window. He's not going to make a new record but he might as well finish the game...
“I've, um, thought about another male in a ..sexual way,” the kid chokes out awkwardly.
Eric rolls his eyes far back in his head. The most original of all sins, and the one he's a bit sick of hearing at this point. It's always that, “wah wah I kissed another boy” or “yadda yadda I masturbated”. Well, duhh, they are in prison. They'd be crazy not to grow sexually frustrated.
“Oh, really?” Eric says, forcing the tone of surprise.
“Yes,” the kid manages. “Forgive me, Father.”
“What for?” Eric asks.
The kid pauses. “Um. Homosexuality is a sin?”
“Is it really?” Eric asks lightly. “Figure that.”
“Um, it says so in the Bible, Father..”
“Wait, let me check,” Eric says and shuffles some of the random papers he has on his desk. His other hand is on the mouse, starting a new game, awesome, two aces, click - click --
“Did you find it?” the boy asks.
“Nope, sorry, not in this Bible.” Eric pretends to slam the book shut. “Jesus was big on love, though, don't you know?”
“Yes, of course, but--”
“What's your name?” Eric asks, starting up the prison database program. He can't help but be curious as to who this new just-discovering-his-prison-sexuality guy is.
“Are you going to report me?” the kid asks sadly.
“Yes, I'm e-mailing all your details to Satan himself. Nah, I just like to keep track of who comes visit me, that's all. Come on, name please,” Eric says and looks at the solitaire game again. Maybe he should practise spider solitaire more...
“Cho-cho Kyuhyun,” the boy answers.
“Thanks,” Eric says and types it up. Yep, the kid is definitely new. S1J3 his new home, no wonder he's straying from the path of hetero so soon after his arrival. Oh well, best of luck there. “Anything else you'd like to confess, Kyuhyun?”
“I, er, uhh, I guess nothing.”
“Great,” Eric says and takes the board off the table. “Then hey, I guess I'll see you next Sunday at the sermon.”
“The what?” Kyuhyun asks.
“They're not very popular but I try to make them all fun, it's not always fire and brimstone but also like, cool stuff about our lord and savior, you know? I even drop some beats, you should come!” Eric smiles like he's doing a CF and awkwardly, Kyuhyun returns the smile.
“I suppose... Thank you, Father Eric.”
“You're welcome,” Eric says and turns back to the computer. Maybe he should check that gospel website he's been meaning to...
But just as Cho Kyuhyun leaves the office, another inmate enters. He's smiling widely and has none of Kyuhyun's nervousness, comfortable as if Eric's office was his home.
“Hey,” he greets Eric.
Eric looks at him and sighs heavily, not even trying to hide his true emotions. “Lee Donghae, what are you doing here again?”
“Confessional,” Donghae says with a grin. “Hey, what was the new kid doing here?”
“He's been thinking about killing somebody,” Eric says.
“Cool,” Donghae replies. “Wait, did you just break your vow of silence?”
Eric sighs, and places the board back on the desk. Not seeing Lee Donghae sometimes makes the whole thing easier. Other times, it somehow makes it worse.
“Out with it,” Eric says.
“Bless me father for I have sinned,” Donghae says calmly.
Big friggin' deal, Eric thinks to himself. He forces himself to adopt a comforting tone. “How have you sinned?”
“I told you about the new shrink, didn't I?” Donghae begins. “Well, this morning I had this really hot thought about him and one thing lead to another and-- are you writing this down?”
“Donghae,” Eric says, not trying to hide his frustration anymore, “for the last goddamn time, I do not exist so that you have somebody to catalogue your sexual experiences.”
“But Heechul said you write down his stories!” Donghae exclaims.
“I was actually just typing an e-mail while he talked,” Eric replies. “So, you masturbated this morning. Anything else?”
“Yeah, and then - wait, am I forgiven for the masturbation?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Eric says and tries to find spider solitaire on his computer. Or maybe he should finally learn how to play Starcraft... World of Warcraft? Hmm.
Lee Donghae continues talking and Eric completely zones out at some point, until Donghae knocks on the board between them.
“Still there, Father?”
“Of course,” Eric says. “Hey, did you know talking about homosexuality to your priest is a sin?”
“Really?” Donghae asks.
“Yeah, it says so in the Bible,” Eric replies.
“I love that book,” Donghae says.
“Are we done?” Eric asks, and takes the board off the desk before Donghae can answer. Sometimes he finds it hard to accept that he should plug his awesome religion to people like Lee Donghae. Come to think of it, he almost regrets giving up booze and sex because of people like Lee Donghae.
The ultimate test of faith if there ever was one.
“Hey, Father, have you ever liked somebody so much you've wanted to ditch priesthood and just, you know, do it with them?” Donghae asks as Eric gets up to usher him out of the office.
“Oh yeah, sure,” Eric answers sarcastically, “every time you visit, Donghae-sshi.”
“Oh, wow,” Donghae says and grins, “I'm sorry Father Eric, I'm just not into older guys.”
“You don't understand how much that breaks my heart,” Eric says and pushes the door closed so that Donghae is left on the outside.
As he walks back to his desk, sighing in relief, he hears Donghae yell through the door, “Maybe Jesus can unbreak it!”
He should've thought twice about working at a prison. Then again, settling onto his comfortable office chair and logging onto Starcraft for the first time, maybe not. Maybe this is his real true calling.
---
a/n: He's not too according to the real Shinhwa personality but I just wanted to make him the coolest priest ever. Also, crack.