Fic: Not Expecting This! (Companion Piece)
She scowled right back. “So, what’s the problem? Why can’t I stay?”
“Who knows what sort of creature is living up there, Pond?” He growled, throwing a dirty look at the ceiling. “I certainly don’t. It could be highly psychic! It could read your little human thoughts and see that I am not, as I have been pretending so very well, a human and then BOOM.” He mimed an explosion with his hands. “The jig is up and we could very well all be dead. That is the problem. That is why you can’t stay here.”
The Doctor paused and adjusted his bowtie slightly. “Besides, what would I say to Craig? ‘Oh, yes, hello Craig. This is my companion, Amy Pond. She’s just going to be living in my room with me. That’s not an issue, is it?’ No. That makes it sound like you’re some sort of awful mail-order-bride type thing.” He pulled a face.
Amy sighed and put her hands on her hips. “Okay. Let me get this straight. I can’t stay here because I know you’re not human, and the possibly psychic possibly dangerous thing living upstairs might read my thoughts and figure out that you’re an alien. That’s why I can’t stay?”
“Correct.”
“Well, what if he reads your thoughts? You know you’re a Time Lord, so couldn’t he read your thoughts and figure it out? It’s just as dangerous for you to be here as it is for me.” She smiled, pleased with her reasoning, and flopped onto the couch.
“Wrong, Pond. You are so wrong. Yes, I know that I am a Time Lord.” He paused. “Obviously. However, I am a fantastically psychic being, unlike you, and as such I can protect my thoughts from outside scanning. You cannot. Thus, you absolutely cannot stay here. I can’t risk your stray thoughts wandering around here, not until I know what we’re against upstairs.”
Amy crossed her arms in a huff and opened her mouth to respond, but he sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders before she could start up arguing again.
“It’s not that bad, is it?” He asked as he pulled her into a one-armed hug. “You’ve got the whole TARDIS to yourself! Lots of exploring to do! You like exploring and you like the TARDIS. It’ll be fun!” He tried to be as convincing as possible, but Amy’s glowering didn’t ease. Softening his tone and squeezing her closer, he pleaded gently. “It’s not safe here for you, Amy. I need to keep you safe, so you’ve got to go back to the TARDIS and I’ve got to be a normal human for a bit longer, okay?”
She nodded unhappily and nuzzled into the Doctor’s tweed shoulder. “Can I stay for a bit, though?” She asked, looking up hopefully. The Doctor looked grumpy for a moment. “Just for a bit! And then I’ll go, I promise. I’d like to meet this flatmate of yours.” A grin broke through her gloom, lighting up her face. “It’s just hard to imagine, you know? You with a flatmate, paying rent, doing dishes, taking out the trash.”
The Doctor objected with a frown. “I do the dishes in the TARDIS, thank you very much.”
“No,” Amy countered. “You leave the dishes out and the TARDIS does them. That’s not doing dishes.” Pushing away from him, she sat up straight, looking around the living room. “Wait. You have a room. That means you have a bed. A real, human, non-TARDIS bed.” She grabbed both his hands, pulling him to his feet. “Show me. Now.”
The Doctor stared at her blankly. “Why? What’s so important about having a bed?”
Wrapping his arms around her waist, Amy moved closer to the Doctor. “Well, beds are very important to humans. We spend a lot of time in beds. You know, doing human things.” She stressed the last two words, raising her eyebrows significantly.
“Yes,” replied the Doctor, slowly. He disentangled his hands from hers, resting them on her hips. Her hair smelled like pomegranates and stars and peaches.
“All sorts of human things. Things that you, a human bloke, would want to be doing in your bed.” She nudged his nose with her own, brushing her lips over his for just a second. “See where I’m going with this? Or do I have to spell it out again?”
“Oh. Well. Um.” The Doctor gulped, seeing where she was going with this. “My room, you see… it’s a, well, it’s a bit of a mess right now. Rather… messy, as it were.”
“So?” She asked, looking not into his eyes but at his lips as she spoke.
He leaned down so his lips grazed her ear. “This is a bad idea, Amy. You shouldn’t even be here.” He tried to sound firm, he really did, but what he’d hoped would be a strong declaration came out as more of a whisper.
“Has that ever stopped me before?” He shook his head slightly. “Then why should it stop me now?” She moved to kiss him and he only hesitated for a fraction of a second before surrendering to it, taking her face in his hands and pulling her to him. He mentally hushed the voice at the back of his mind telling him that this was a bad idea, telling it that it could worry all it wanted on it’s own time.
“Fine,” said the Doctor, breaking the kiss and taking her hands in his again. He led her into the hallway. “Nothing for it, then.” He grinned a very small grin as he scolded her teasingly. “You are insufferable, you know that? Absolutely insufferable.”
She rolled her eyes. “Only you would consider having sex as suffering.”
He opened his door very briefly, poking his head inside for just a moment, before snapping the door shut again. “Nope. No room in there. Hmm…” he scanned the hall quickly as he began to loosen his bowtie and undo the top button of his shirt. Amy, smiling wickedly, spun him to face her and undid the rest of the buttons as he continued speaking. “Craig is out for the day. Work or somesuch, I think. Shouldn’t be back for, oh, some period of time, probably.” His eyes suddenly fell upon a door down the corridor. He started towards it. “Right, Pond. Bathroom. Pronto.”
The instant the bathroom door slammed shut behind them, they grabbed one another again. Amy pushed back the Doctor’s tweed jacket while his nimble fingers deftly unzipped her dress, letting it fall in a pool around her feet. He toed off his boots and socks and threw the braces off his shoulders as she wiggled out of her bra and knickers. She threw her shoes over one shoulder and pounced on the Doctor, catching him off balance so that he had to grab at the sink for support. She helped him with his trousers and pants, pausing only to kiss his bellybutton before reaching into the blue tiled shower to turn on the water.
Amy yelped when they stepped into the shower and the water hit her. The Doctor laughed sympathetically, shielding her from the not-yet-warm water with his body. “Missing the TARDIS yet?” He inquired mischievously. “She keeps the water nice and hot all the time, the dear old girl.”
“Doctor, shut up.” Amy advised, and kissed him again. He did as he was told. The now warm water flowed over their entwined bodies, fogging the mirror and the opaque windows. The Doctor pressed a slippery Amy up against the shower wall, soothing her gasps of protest at the cold of the tile with cool kisses along her clavicles. She raked her fingernails up his spine and across his back, basking in his attentions.
The Doctor’s body tensed and his head whipped up abruptly, and Amy moved instinctively forward to him, missing the feel of his skin on her own.
“What is it, Doctor?”
He pressed a finger to her lips, hushing her. “I thought I heard something, but…” He held her to him with one arm and kept his finger on her lips, breathlessly waiting for a moment. Then he breathed out, relaxing. “No, it didn’t come from upstairs. Nothing to worry about.” He took his finger from her lips, trailing it down her jawline and between her breasts, locking his eyes with hers as he did so. “Now then, Miss Pond. Where was I?”
“Who knows what sort of creature is living up there, Pond?” He growled, throwing a dirty look at the ceiling. “I certainly don’t. It could be highly psychic! It could read your little human thoughts and see that I am not, as I have been pretending so very well, a human and then BOOM.” He mimed an explosion with his hands. “The jig is up and we could very well all be dead. That is the problem. That is why you can’t stay here.”
The Doctor paused and adjusted his bowtie slightly. “Besides, what would I say to Craig? ‘Oh, yes, hello Craig. This is my companion, Amy Pond. She’s just going to be living in my room with me. That’s not an issue, is it?’ No. That makes it sound like you’re some sort of awful mail-order-bride type thing.” He pulled a face.
Amy sighed and put her hands on her hips. “Okay. Let me get this straight. I can’t stay here because I know you’re not human, and the possibly psychic possibly dangerous thing living upstairs might read my thoughts and figure out that you’re an alien. That’s why I can’t stay?”
“Correct.”
“Well, what if he reads your thoughts? You know you’re a Time Lord, so couldn’t he read your thoughts and figure it out? It’s just as dangerous for you to be here as it is for me.” She smiled, pleased with her reasoning, and flopped onto the couch.
“Wrong, Pond. You are so wrong. Yes, I know that I am a Time Lord.” He paused. “Obviously. However, I am a fantastically psychic being, unlike you, and as such I can protect my thoughts from outside scanning. You cannot. Thus, you absolutely cannot stay here. I can’t risk your stray thoughts wandering around here, not until I know what we’re against upstairs.”
Amy crossed her arms in a huff and opened her mouth to respond, but he sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders before she could start up arguing again.
“It’s not that bad, is it?” He asked as he pulled her into a one-armed hug. “You’ve got the whole TARDIS to yourself! Lots of exploring to do! You like exploring and you like the TARDIS. It’ll be fun!” He tried to be as convincing as possible, but Amy’s glowering didn’t ease. Softening his tone and squeezing her closer, he pleaded gently. “It’s not safe here for you, Amy. I need to keep you safe, so you’ve got to go back to the TARDIS and I’ve got to be a normal human for a bit longer, okay?”
She nodded unhappily and nuzzled into the Doctor’s tweed shoulder. “Can I stay for a bit, though?” She asked, looking up hopefully. The Doctor looked grumpy for a moment. “Just for a bit! And then I’ll go, I promise. I’d like to meet this flatmate of yours.” A grin broke through her gloom, lighting up her face. “It’s just hard to imagine, you know? You with a flatmate, paying rent, doing dishes, taking out the trash.”
The Doctor objected with a frown. “I do the dishes in the TARDIS, thank you very much.”
“No,” Amy countered. “You leave the dishes out and the TARDIS does them. That’s not doing dishes.” Pushing away from him, she sat up straight, looking around the living room. “Wait. You have a room. That means you have a bed. A real, human, non-TARDIS bed.” She grabbed both his hands, pulling him to his feet. “Show me. Now.”
The Doctor stared at her blankly. “Why? What’s so important about having a bed?”
Wrapping his arms around her waist, Amy moved closer to the Doctor. “Well, beds are very important to humans. We spend a lot of time in beds. You know, doing human things.” She stressed the last two words, raising her eyebrows significantly.
“Yes,” replied the Doctor, slowly. He disentangled his hands from hers, resting them on her hips. Her hair smelled like pomegranates and stars and peaches.
“All sorts of human things. Things that you, a human bloke, would want to be doing in your bed.” She nudged his nose with her own, brushing her lips over his for just a second. “See where I’m going with this? Or do I have to spell it out again?”
“Oh. Well. Um.” The Doctor gulped, seeing where she was going with this. “My room, you see… it’s a, well, it’s a bit of a mess right now. Rather… messy, as it were.”
“So?” She asked, looking not into his eyes but at his lips as she spoke.
He leaned down so his lips grazed her ear. “This is a bad idea, Amy. You shouldn’t even be here.” He tried to sound firm, he really did, but what he’d hoped would be a strong declaration came out as more of a whisper.
“Has that ever stopped me before?” He shook his head slightly. “Then why should it stop me now?” She moved to kiss him and he only hesitated for a fraction of a second before surrendering to it, taking her face in his hands and pulling her to him. He mentally hushed the voice at the back of his mind telling him that this was a bad idea, telling it that it could worry all it wanted on it’s own time.
“Fine,” said the Doctor, breaking the kiss and taking her hands in his again. He led her into the hallway. “Nothing for it, then.” He grinned a very small grin as he scolded her teasingly. “You are insufferable, you know that? Absolutely insufferable.”
She rolled her eyes. “Only you would consider having sex as suffering.”
He opened his door very briefly, poking his head inside for just a moment, before snapping the door shut again. “Nope. No room in there. Hmm…” he scanned the hall quickly as he began to loosen his bowtie and undo the top button of his shirt. Amy, smiling wickedly, spun him to face her and undid the rest of the buttons as he continued speaking. “Craig is out for the day. Work or somesuch, I think. Shouldn’t be back for, oh, some period of time, probably.” His eyes suddenly fell upon a door down the corridor. He started towards it. “Right, Pond. Bathroom. Pronto.”
The instant the bathroom door slammed shut behind them, they grabbed one another again. Amy pushed back the Doctor’s tweed jacket while his nimble fingers deftly unzipped her dress, letting it fall in a pool around her feet. He toed off his boots and socks and threw the braces off his shoulders as she wiggled out of her bra and knickers. She threw her shoes over one shoulder and pounced on the Doctor, catching him off balance so that he had to grab at the sink for support. She helped him with his trousers and pants, pausing only to kiss his bellybutton before reaching into the blue tiled shower to turn on the water.
Amy yelped when they stepped into the shower and the water hit her. The Doctor laughed sympathetically, shielding her from the not-yet-warm water with his body. “Missing the TARDIS yet?” He inquired mischievously. “She keeps the water nice and hot all the time, the dear old girl.”
“Doctor, shut up.” Amy advised, and kissed him again. He did as he was told. The now warm water flowed over their entwined bodies, fogging the mirror and the opaque windows. The Doctor pressed a slippery Amy up against the shower wall, soothing her gasps of protest at the cold of the tile with cool kisses along her clavicles. She raked her fingernails up his spine and across his back, basking in his attentions.
The Doctor’s body tensed and his head whipped up abruptly, and Amy moved instinctively forward to him, missing the feel of his skin on her own.
“What is it, Doctor?”
He pressed a finger to her lips, hushing her. “I thought I heard something, but…” He held her to him with one arm and kept his finger on her lips, breathlessly waiting for a moment. Then he breathed out, relaxing. “No, it didn’t come from upstairs. Nothing to worry about.” He took his finger from her lips, trailing it down her jawline and between her breasts, locking his eyes with hers as he did so. “Now then, Miss Pond. Where was I?”