Friendship in Florida
I've lived in South Florida for just over three years now, and instead of people asking me how I like it down here, I get the slightly different question of what are the differences between here and Charleston. There are a lot of things that are very different, but there are also a lot of similarities. Most of the time I really like the weather here, and I do enjoy the casual atmosphere and attitude. The number one, biggest difference between South Florida and Charleston, though, is that the people in South Florida can be very difficult to interact with and talk to. It has been just about impossible to make friends here, and sometimes it really bothers me.
My husband warned me when I first moved down here to be with him that the people are not overly friendly, and that I would have to work hard to overcome my inherent shyness with strangers so that I could be the person to say hello first and initiate conversations. Leo cautioned that, generally speaking, the people of South Florida seemed to have little interest in genuine, lasting friendships, and that in the 10+ years he'd been here, he had made only a very few actual, close friends, but otherwise had a lot of acquaintances, and only because he is a relatively outgoing person who will go out of his way to talk to a variety of people.
I took Leo's advice to heart, though, and pushed aside my introvert tendencies, starting with our new neighbors. At the time, the unusually cool winter was warming into spring, so there were lots of new people to meet out by the pool. Being new in the building, and (OMG!) a pregnant straight woman in a predominantly gay neighborhood in a mostly gay building gave my new neighbors and me a lot to talk about, and I really enjoyed getting to know them. Three years later, some of those same neighbors are still here, and are some of the greatest people I've met. I cook and bake for them, they cut my hair, they babysit for Olivia, they bring Olivia little gifts for no reason, they never miss her birthday, they enjoy a good poolside gossip session, we inquire about each others' lives. I'm not knocking having awesome neighbors - I know I'm lucky to live in a small condo building where we know anyone - but it's not having friends with kids, or having girlfriends.
As Olivia has gotten older and moved into her toddler years, we've ventured out of the house and into different activities, and I've met a lot of other moms. I've met moms at Toddler & Me Yoga, I've met moms at Monday morning story time at the library, I've met moms at various playgrounds, I've met moms at swimming lessons, Leo knows a lot of moms and dads with kids - and yet I've had exactly no interaction with any of these people outside of meeting and seeing them at these activities. I've tried talking to them, I've tried asking them about their children, I've even tried inviting them to do things with me and Olivia, all with no result. I've tried being realistic about it. I know that some people might already have mama friends or play groups going. I know that some people might be shy or not interested. I know that some people might just not like me. That's all totally okay, but is it possible that everyone with children with whom I've tried to connect isn't interested?
So obviously if I can't make friends of a couple of fellow mamas, there aren't a whole gaggle of ladies lining up to go to Starbucks with me once in a while or have a wander around Target with me on a Saturday afternoon. Granted, I didn't have girlfriends in Charleston. I never wanted to be friendly with co-workers outside of work, and beyond that, I always had my sisters around, and my mom was usually game for a Saturday shopping outing. I do miss my family, but I came to terms with that fairly quickly after I moved away, and now I just miss the company that comes from spending time with women. I spend so much of my week at home that I love a good weekend out, and though he humors me because he's awesome, I don't actually think my husband enjoys me dragging him to Ulta on a Saturday. I often find myself wishing that I had someone to go get my monthly pedicure with, or someone to commiserate with me about spending an hour trying on jeans. I love the time I get to spend with my kiddo, and I have the best conversations with my husband, but sometimes I'd just like a friend.
This is something I've talked about at length with Leo, and he agrees that South Florida is a difficult place to make friends. He always tells me that while it's maybe okay to give up on individual people who seem to not want to be drawn into friendship, it's not good or productive to give up on making friends down here altogether. It's good advice, I know, and it's not that I want to give up, but it can be hard to stay positive after so many negative interactions with people. So what I want to know is, what is it like for the rest of you? Do you find it easy to make friends? Do you live in an area where people are friendly and receptive? Do you have kids? If so, do you have friends with kids? Are you outgoing or shy? Do you wish you had more friends? Fewer friends? Does it matter where you live, or do people just not have friends, or time for friends, these days?
My husband warned me when I first moved down here to be with him that the people are not overly friendly, and that I would have to work hard to overcome my inherent shyness with strangers so that I could be the person to say hello first and initiate conversations. Leo cautioned that, generally speaking, the people of South Florida seemed to have little interest in genuine, lasting friendships, and that in the 10+ years he'd been here, he had made only a very few actual, close friends, but otherwise had a lot of acquaintances, and only because he is a relatively outgoing person who will go out of his way to talk to a variety of people.
I took Leo's advice to heart, though, and pushed aside my introvert tendencies, starting with our new neighbors. At the time, the unusually cool winter was warming into spring, so there were lots of new people to meet out by the pool. Being new in the building, and (OMG!) a pregnant straight woman in a predominantly gay neighborhood in a mostly gay building gave my new neighbors and me a lot to talk about, and I really enjoyed getting to know them. Three years later, some of those same neighbors are still here, and are some of the greatest people I've met. I cook and bake for them, they cut my hair, they babysit for Olivia, they bring Olivia little gifts for no reason, they never miss her birthday, they enjoy a good poolside gossip session, we inquire about each others' lives. I'm not knocking having awesome neighbors - I know I'm lucky to live in a small condo building where we know anyone - but it's not having friends with kids, or having girlfriends.
As Olivia has gotten older and moved into her toddler years, we've ventured out of the house and into different activities, and I've met a lot of other moms. I've met moms at Toddler & Me Yoga, I've met moms at Monday morning story time at the library, I've met moms at various playgrounds, I've met moms at swimming lessons, Leo knows a lot of moms and dads with kids - and yet I've had exactly no interaction with any of these people outside of meeting and seeing them at these activities. I've tried talking to them, I've tried asking them about their children, I've even tried inviting them to do things with me and Olivia, all with no result. I've tried being realistic about it. I know that some people might already have mama friends or play groups going. I know that some people might be shy or not interested. I know that some people might just not like me. That's all totally okay, but is it possible that everyone with children with whom I've tried to connect isn't interested?
So obviously if I can't make friends of a couple of fellow mamas, there aren't a whole gaggle of ladies lining up to go to Starbucks with me once in a while or have a wander around Target with me on a Saturday afternoon. Granted, I didn't have girlfriends in Charleston. I never wanted to be friendly with co-workers outside of work, and beyond that, I always had my sisters around, and my mom was usually game for a Saturday shopping outing. I do miss my family, but I came to terms with that fairly quickly after I moved away, and now I just miss the company that comes from spending time with women. I spend so much of my week at home that I love a good weekend out, and though he humors me because he's awesome, I don't actually think my husband enjoys me dragging him to Ulta on a Saturday. I often find myself wishing that I had someone to go get my monthly pedicure with, or someone to commiserate with me about spending an hour trying on jeans. I love the time I get to spend with my kiddo, and I have the best conversations with my husband, but sometimes I'd just like a friend.
This is something I've talked about at length with Leo, and he agrees that South Florida is a difficult place to make friends. He always tells me that while it's maybe okay to give up on individual people who seem to not want to be drawn into friendship, it's not good or productive to give up on making friends down here altogether. It's good advice, I know, and it's not that I want to give up, but it can be hard to stay positive after so many negative interactions with people. So what I want to know is, what is it like for the rest of you? Do you find it easy to make friends? Do you live in an area where people are friendly and receptive? Do you have kids? If so, do you have friends with kids? Are you outgoing or shy? Do you wish you had more friends? Fewer friends? Does it matter where you live, or do people just not have friends, or time for friends, these days?