68th Fight: I Wondering if it's You that I Feel Here, Haunting Me Forever...
Well, things have turned upside down in the course of one day, wonderful. Suddenly there's one less person to worry over with Eliza gone, and now we're plus two dogs in the apartment. Things change quickly. Still, we have to go clear the clinic out properly now...
Odd, two weeks till New Year as well, that creeped up on me. Strange I remember it this year, coincidence the zodiac animal is the same one that marked the year I was born? Well, the events held by Tianzi should be interesting at any rate. I haven't celebrated it in the last couple of years with all I had to do...not like anyone else would know about the festivities anyway, just me and family, and we never were ones for big celebrations.
Speaking of family...
Well, what can you say about a father who keeps corpses in the basement of your home, only to show his five year old son in order to show him death, hmm?
He was, still is, an intimidating person. I believe that's why my mother never spoke against him, too fearful of him, even at the expense of letting him corrupt his own children. He accepted my decisions to not follow in his wake, but he probably still holds a lot of hate for humanity, he doesn't admit he's wrong easily.
He never showed himself to us, not once. He always hid his true appearance behind a terrifying form, hoping to scare us into obeying him. Still, he claimed the only thing that mattered was family, and yet he didn't trust us enough to show what he really looked like. He tried his best to extract all humanity from us, filling my sister and I with so much hate and anger til the point where we had no qualms about killing. We always had to be reminded where we came from, always told that any weakness was not to be tolerated. I always remembered it of course. How could I forget? He carved it into my mind, just like her carved the family emblem into a tattoo on my back.
I hated him. And I hated myself for believing he was right for so long. I can't blame him, make him responsible for all the wrongs I've done. I take responsibility for those actions and live with it. I won't kid myself into thinking my end will make it all go away. No...killing for victory, killing for revenge...it just continues a cycle of hate, and that is something I don't want anymore.
...What the hell am I saying?
I hate this curse.
Odd, two weeks till New Year as well, that creeped up on me. Strange I remember it this year, coincidence the zodiac animal is the same one that marked the year I was born? Well, the events held by Tianzi should be interesting at any rate. I haven't celebrated it in the last couple of years with all I had to do...not like anyone else would know about the festivities anyway, just me and family, and we never were ones for big celebrations.
Speaking of family...
Well, what can you say about a father who keeps corpses in the basement of your home, only to show his five year old son in order to show him death, hmm?
He was, still is, an intimidating person. I believe that's why my mother never spoke against him, too fearful of him, even at the expense of letting him corrupt his own children. He accepted my decisions to not follow in his wake, but he probably still holds a lot of hate for humanity, he doesn't admit he's wrong easily.
He never showed himself to us, not once. He always hid his true appearance behind a terrifying form, hoping to scare us into obeying him. Still, he claimed the only thing that mattered was family, and yet he didn't trust us enough to show what he really looked like. He tried his best to extract all humanity from us, filling my sister and I with so much hate and anger til the point where we had no qualms about killing. We always had to be reminded where we came from, always told that any weakness was not to be tolerated. I always remembered it of course. How could I forget? He carved it into my mind, just like her carved the family emblem into a tattoo on my back.
I hated him. And I hated myself for believing he was right for so long. I can't blame him, make him responsible for all the wrongs I've done. I take responsibility for those actions and live with it. I won't kid myself into thinking my end will make it all go away. No...killing for victory, killing for revenge...it just continues a cycle of hate, and that is something I don't want anymore.
...What the hell am I saying?
I hate this curse.