(no subject)
You know how on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, a relatively easy question will come up, maybe worth $1,000 and you'll be sitting on your couch at home, saying, "Oh, yeah, this is easy... the answer is obviously D. amylase,... anybody who took 9th grade biology is gonna know that one" and then you sit back and wait for the player's answer and when they hesitate and say, "Oh... gosh, I know I should know this and I have an idea, but I'm just not sure and I don't want to risk it," you scream, "WHAT?! You're using a LIFELINE this early in the game?! You're pathetic!!" and then, as if there was a small rip in the space-time continuem that allowed the player to actually hear you, he answers
"It's really a lot harder when you're in the hotseat here."
I kind of had a moment like that today.
My roommates and I went for drinks and wings at AJ's Sports Bar. I had had a drink or two when I realized that I really had to pee. Sometimes when I have to pee at a place I've never peed before, I get a little nervous because I hate that moment when you stand up and awkwardly look around for the restrooms. Everyone else around you is sitting down and you're standing up, which naturally draws some attention, and you have maybe half a second to quick glance around and find the restrooms so that you can move purposefully in a direction. Any longer than that, and you're just standing, awkwardly, forcing your companions to meet your crotch. And if you hesitate for a really long time, someone invites you to sit back down to eat and you're like, "Oh, haha... I know the rest of the human population prefers to eat in a restful sitting position, but I've always had this strange yearning to eat like a work-horse, so if you wouldn't mind maybe just holding up my plate a little... just below my chin... yeah, thanks.... no, I have to pee, you jackass."
Anyway, at AJ's, I was allllll right, because I had already seen the restrooms while I was walking in the door. I stood up confidently, and walked right to the front entrance, but then FAKE OUT, turned left and found the restrooms. So far, so good, quick glance at the doors to determine the ladies' and.... problem. The doors were labelled, "Batters" and "Catchers."
I know you at home are sitting there right now saying, "Oh, yeah, that's easy. Anyone with half a brain could figure that one out." Well, like my daddy always said: if I had half a brain, my head would tilt. I had a pretty good idea which one I was, but, what if I chose wrongly? What if behind door number 1, I would actually have to view some drunk frat guy's cash and prizes? I was not up for that. Oh, no. I walked back to my table, shamefaced and confessed that I was not good at baseball analogies. I had to poll the audience in order to pee.
Maybe I don't actually want to go on Millionaire.
(No, I really do.)
"It's really a lot harder when you're in the hotseat here."
I kind of had a moment like that today.
My roommates and I went for drinks and wings at AJ's Sports Bar. I had had a drink or two when I realized that I really had to pee. Sometimes when I have to pee at a place I've never peed before, I get a little nervous because I hate that moment when you stand up and awkwardly look around for the restrooms. Everyone else around you is sitting down and you're standing up, which naturally draws some attention, and you have maybe half a second to quick glance around and find the restrooms so that you can move purposefully in a direction. Any longer than that, and you're just standing, awkwardly, forcing your companions to meet your crotch. And if you hesitate for a really long time, someone invites you to sit back down to eat and you're like, "Oh, haha... I know the rest of the human population prefers to eat in a restful sitting position, but I've always had this strange yearning to eat like a work-horse, so if you wouldn't mind maybe just holding up my plate a little... just below my chin... yeah, thanks.... no, I have to pee, you jackass."
Anyway, at AJ's, I was allllll right, because I had already seen the restrooms while I was walking in the door. I stood up confidently, and walked right to the front entrance, but then FAKE OUT, turned left and found the restrooms. So far, so good, quick glance at the doors to determine the ladies' and.... problem. The doors were labelled, "Batters" and "Catchers."
I know you at home are sitting there right now saying, "Oh, yeah, that's easy. Anyone with half a brain could figure that one out." Well, like my daddy always said: if I had half a brain, my head would tilt. I had a pretty good idea which one I was, but, what if I chose wrongly? What if behind door number 1, I would actually have to view some drunk frat guy's cash and prizes? I was not up for that. Oh, no. I walked back to my table, shamefaced and confessed that I was not good at baseball analogies. I had to poll the audience in order to pee.
Maybe I don't actually want to go on Millionaire.
(No, I really do.)