a gush of festering brain farts
While my friends are trapped in different parts of the world, I wonder when and if we'll ever see each other again. Already so early from when we departed. Not even 3 months later and for some reason I had thought earlier, "Hey in 3 months everyone will be off to do amazing things!" The extreme optimism fails to capture the truth. I feel like I was lied to..... I feel like I took a complete wrong turn and now I've gotta run back to the start again or hope not to get picked last for jobs.
The trap in my brain always gets me back to: What can I do?
Then it goes: What do I want to do?
Then I'd go off and think: How can I get there?
But really it all still comes back to: What can I do in the meantime?
It's really difficult to find self efficacy in the world. At these intersections of idleness and thought I wish I could play an instrument or have something to study. I really hate sudoku though. My country has yet again certainly started a fucking craze.
Out of curiosity I looked up what you have to do to get into Harvard Medical School. I laughed when I saw the stringent requisites. But I figure of course you'd have to be the shit already in that kind of stuff. I haven't touched science in all 4 years of college. The worst I took was Calculus and Nutrition. I was pretty good at Chemistry but I know I probably would have shat myself trying to do that at UVA. However, even without the course requirements and the number of labs I was interested in the MCAT test. I ran into this website with a practice page of questions. I surprised myself by being able to answer about half or more in each category that I did. Some of them were wrong guesses and the answer was my first guess. I wonder if I'd ever have a shot at being a doctor. I used to say that I didn't want to see sick people all the time, but then I thought about health.
The ability to spread health. There's some sort of magic involved with that. Olivia once mentioned that there are actual people out there whose job is to find the cure for cancer. Like they get up out of bed in the morning and they drive to work to find the cure. However they really plan to do that, they do it. I mean that's a like a real cause. And if I have half a mind to be able to do half as well or better on a practice I really wonder what I can do if I actually put my mind to it.
I really wish I could do something to pass my time. Draw, paint, sculpt, play guitar, piano. I feel hermetically sealed. It's nice to have this vacation but damn, I'm bored. And the worst part about being bored is that you want something to entertain you. If it isn't entertaining, it's almost not worth doing. But I thought about this yesterday and that's ridiculous because not all actions are entertaining. Like picking up dog shit. That is definitely the pits; worse is stepping in it.
I really hope I get this job in Abingdon... as long as I can live and get paid.
The trap in my brain always gets me back to: What can I do?
Then it goes: What do I want to do?
Then I'd go off and think: How can I get there?
But really it all still comes back to: What can I do in the meantime?
It's really difficult to find self efficacy in the world. At these intersections of idleness and thought I wish I could play an instrument or have something to study. I really hate sudoku though. My country has yet again certainly started a fucking craze.
Out of curiosity I looked up what you have to do to get into Harvard Medical School. I laughed when I saw the stringent requisites. But I figure of course you'd have to be the shit already in that kind of stuff. I haven't touched science in all 4 years of college. The worst I took was Calculus and Nutrition. I was pretty good at Chemistry but I know I probably would have shat myself trying to do that at UVA. However, even without the course requirements and the number of labs I was interested in the MCAT test. I ran into this website with a practice page of questions. I surprised myself by being able to answer about half or more in each category that I did. Some of them were wrong guesses and the answer was my first guess. I wonder if I'd ever have a shot at being a doctor. I used to say that I didn't want to see sick people all the time, but then I thought about health.
The ability to spread health. There's some sort of magic involved with that. Olivia once mentioned that there are actual people out there whose job is to find the cure for cancer. Like they get up out of bed in the morning and they drive to work to find the cure. However they really plan to do that, they do it. I mean that's a like a real cause. And if I have half a mind to be able to do half as well or better on a practice I really wonder what I can do if I actually put my mind to it.
I really wish I could do something to pass my time. Draw, paint, sculpt, play guitar, piano. I feel hermetically sealed. It's nice to have this vacation but damn, I'm bored. And the worst part about being bored is that you want something to entertain you. If it isn't entertaining, it's almost not worth doing. But I thought about this yesterday and that's ridiculous because not all actions are entertaining. Like picking up dog shit. That is definitely the pits; worse is stepping in it.
I really hope I get this job in Abingdon... as long as I can live and get paid.