meh, emotions?
so being at four am is not my favorite thing in the world.. but it's been happening more and more. I have a quiz tomorrow in French but luckily I also have a HUGE rockstar in my fridge... and based on how awake I am, I think I'm gonna need it. =\ Things have been really bad for me lately. I've been super stressed out about everything.. I really just want to run away and I'm not sure when I'd come back... I know that can't ever happen but the idea is so tempting =[
I've been mostly freaking out about the fact that since I'm a P/T student right now, if I fail any of my classes this semester, I won't make 24 credits per year... which is the requirement to receive any kind of government financial aid for the following year... and I'm currently failing my math and maybe my french class. Stupidly enough, I have an A in the other two classes but I have a huge test in my Human Growth & Development class tomorrow.. so we'll see how that goes. ouch. last test I got a 94!! but that was in January... before... everything...
I have yet to produce a 250 word french paper.. but my french professor hasn't hunted me down for it yet either.. and he's been really nice so I think he won't be killing me anytime soon... My math professor hasn't said anything either.. I'm still missing a test.. I really can't seem to get my head on straight. Half the time I feel like I'm going crazy.. I can't make up my mind about anything. I want someone to be here handing me everything I need... spoon feeding me my life.. that's what I feel like I NEED.
I've had two MAJOR breakdowns in the past two days.. one yesterday around 4:30 am.. and another one a few hours ago.. I just... I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to cope with all this. I miss him so much.. and he's not coming back.. and that's NOT okay. It's just not. And it's not going to get better... I really don't feel like it's ever going to get better.
Whenever I feel like I have taken one step up the steps, I fall back down three. I almost did something very, very bad the first breakdown..
And it makes me MAD that people keep telling me to go see some counselor. What does HE know?!? He doesn't know me and I don't want to try to explain myself to him.. and honestly, if I told him everything that I've been thinking, he would drug me.... seriously.
I'm going to play on facebook some more, I guess.. because there's no point in even attempting to sleep..
I've been mostly freaking out about the fact that since I'm a P/T student right now, if I fail any of my classes this semester, I won't make 24 credits per year... which is the requirement to receive any kind of government financial aid for the following year... and I'm currently failing my math and maybe my french class. Stupidly enough, I have an A in the other two classes but I have a huge test in my Human Growth & Development class tomorrow.. so we'll see how that goes. ouch. last test I got a 94!! but that was in January... before... everything...
I have yet to produce a 250 word french paper.. but my french professor hasn't hunted me down for it yet either.. and he's been really nice so I think he won't be killing me anytime soon... My math professor hasn't said anything either.. I'm still missing a test.. I really can't seem to get my head on straight. Half the time I feel like I'm going crazy.. I can't make up my mind about anything. I want someone to be here handing me everything I need... spoon feeding me my life.. that's what I feel like I NEED.
I've had two MAJOR breakdowns in the past two days.. one yesterday around 4:30 am.. and another one a few hours ago.. I just... I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to cope with all this. I miss him so much.. and he's not coming back.. and that's NOT okay. It's just not. And it's not going to get better... I really don't feel like it's ever going to get better.
Whenever I feel like I have taken one step up the steps, I fall back down three. I almost did something very, very bad the first breakdown..
And it makes me MAD that people keep telling me to go see some counselor. What does HE know?!? He doesn't know me and I don't want to try to explain myself to him.. and honestly, if I told him everything that I've been thinking, he would drug me.... seriously.
I'm going to play on facebook some more, I guess.. because there's no point in even attempting to sleep..