let's try this a g ain again aga in
(maybe i just like the rainbow)
as a preamble and pretty much introductory livejournal entry i typed on and on and on about everything. i typed out all that had happened between me and girl since late september. i typed out the whole story between me and libbey starting with the day we met and recording every single day i've seen her since the day we met and ending in saturday december 13 when everything brokedown and i typed about how my only friend (or the closest thing i've got to a friend) is a girl i've never even met before. i typed out like a plot summary so far of a story i'm currently writing called "Dea ex Machina". i went on and on and on endlessly about everything from quitting my job and dropping out of school and having sex with this one girl the day i met her that started a chain of romantic destruction to distorting my sleeping scedules from modern expectations and having boyish daydreams about dancing with trains and jumping off bridges.
now us u all y before i submit an e-mail or something of that measure i copy the entire thing i typed out before i send it just in case something happens while it's sending and i lose it. only now the one time i in my haste forget to copy the entire entry it malfunctions and i lost the entire entry and now instead of listening to my Yeah Yeah Yeahs FEVER TO TELL album like i had been over and over for hours i'm listening to Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Baby I Got Your Mon e y" and instead of talking like a hopeless romantic about how i once told someone i'd fall in love when i met a girl who liked The Smiths and libbey happens to have two The Smiths t-shirts i'm pushing my foot into a wall and it's making crunching noises.
from a long melodramatic entry about sex and love to listening to Wu-Tang. it'll still be hours before i'm able to get to sleep
i'm sure all the stuff i don't feel like typing out again this time i'll catch up on later making an invisible to-do list about love and sex and catching up on "Dea ex Machina"
and i don't know what i'm looking for anymore. i don't have a dream girl or anything just all these little things i want like a girl that doesn't think anarchy is stupid and instead of having fantasies about autumn weddings has fantasies about dying with her lover in a hail of bullets the way i do. i mean it's not all vulgar i've got like innocent ideas and dirty wishes rambling on my mind simultaneously. on one hand i want a girl that bites when you kiss her and will have hurried sex in public places and i can have endless unorganised debates with about everything like an intellectual slut and on the other hand i want someone with whom i feel all boyish and happy and gleeful just holding hands and someone that will spend a snowy day inside watching movies with me and dozing off tog e t her on the couch and someone that smiles when they think about me they way i'll smile when i think about them. i want romance somewhere in the middle of sl uttiness and childishness. moreover i want someone that doesn't want dumb things like a big cathedral wedding but would just marry me on a rainy day at a government building uptown where you just get papers saying you're married and then we coul d have lunch at a little restaurant (or just a Taco Bell) and go see a movie. maybe i'm dwelling in romantic fantasies too much
i make myself sound lonely like i have no human contact only in reality i've got a host of girls to choose from and my family thinks i've become a real slut and my sister's mad at me for half-destroying things with libbey. my mom and my sister and everyone else all seem to think libbey's p e rfect for me and everyone's on her side only okay
come on
seriously. should a girl get mad at me for saying i don't want to be her boyfriend when after going on a trip to the beach with me she came back and kissed some matt guy?
i'm not sad or depressed or anything i don't want to give anyone the wrong impression. i'm tired and bored and so i'm substituting sleep for any real activity just because right now i don't have any hobbies to pursue. i need a job sure but first i need a reason to get up in the morning and go to work and suddenly for some reason i'm desperate to prove to myself that there is such a thing as love beyond meaningless "i love you"s and teenage attachment and romatic idealism
i don't want to just find some dr eam girl that fits some description i've pieced together in my head i want to find someone new that i'm thrilled to talk to and so happy to be around and everything. someone i do n't just get bored with
and i've got this thing with putting sp a ces where they don't b elong obsessively
and i'm not sure what kind of mood i'm in. to me you're really only in just one one-word mood when you're to an extreme. like if you're really mad then you can say "i'm mad" or if you're really tired you can say "i'm tired" but most of the time i'm all these different things at once
and i wonder if any of you can guess who's the dad of the lead singer of the Wallflow e rs?
i don't know why i'm just listening to "Cinderella" wishing someone was here so i could be all pedantic-like and just point and be like "do you know who his dad is?!"
as a preamble and pretty much introductory livejournal entry i typed on and on and on about everything. i typed out all that had happened between me and girl since late september. i typed out the whole story between me and libbey starting with the day we met and recording every single day i've seen her since the day we met and ending in saturday december 13 when everything brokedown and i typed about how my only friend (or the closest thing i've got to a friend) is a girl i've never even met before. i typed out like a plot summary so far of a story i'm currently writing called "Dea ex Machina". i went on and on and on endlessly about everything from quitting my job and dropping out of school and having sex with this one girl the day i met her that started a chain of romantic destruction to distorting my sleeping scedules from modern expectations and having boyish daydreams about dancing with trains and jumping off bridges.
now us u all y before i submit an e-mail or something of that measure i copy the entire thing i typed out before i send it just in case something happens while it's sending and i lose it. only now the one time i in my haste forget to copy the entire entry it malfunctions and i lost the entire entry and now instead of listening to my Yeah Yeah Yeahs FEVER TO TELL album like i had been over and over for hours i'm listening to Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Baby I Got Your Mon e y" and instead of talking like a hopeless romantic about how i once told someone i'd fall in love when i met a girl who liked The Smiths and libbey happens to have two The Smiths t-shirts i'm pushing my foot into a wall and it's making crunching noises.
from a long melodramatic entry about sex and love to listening to Wu-Tang. it'll still be hours before i'm able to get to sleep
i'm sure all the stuff i don't feel like typing out again this time i'll catch up on later making an invisible to-do list about love and sex and catching up on "Dea ex Machina"
and i don't know what i'm looking for anymore. i don't have a dream girl or anything just all these little things i want like a girl that doesn't think anarchy is stupid and instead of having fantasies about autumn weddings has fantasies about dying with her lover in a hail of bullets the way i do. i mean it's not all vulgar i've got like innocent ideas and dirty wishes rambling on my mind simultaneously. on one hand i want a girl that bites when you kiss her and will have hurried sex in public places and i can have endless unorganised debates with about everything like an intellectual slut and on the other hand i want someone with whom i feel all boyish and happy and gleeful just holding hands and someone that will spend a snowy day inside watching movies with me and dozing off tog e t her on the couch and someone that smiles when they think about me they way i'll smile when i think about them. i want romance somewhere in the middle of sl uttiness and childishness. moreover i want someone that doesn't want dumb things like a big cathedral wedding but would just marry me on a rainy day at a government building uptown where you just get papers saying you're married and then we coul d have lunch at a little restaurant (or just a Taco Bell) and go see a movie. maybe i'm dwelling in romantic fantasies too much
i make myself sound lonely like i have no human contact only in reality i've got a host of girls to choose from and my family thinks i've become a real slut and my sister's mad at me for half-destroying things with libbey. my mom and my sister and everyone else all seem to think libbey's p e rfect for me and everyone's on her side only okay
come on
seriously. should a girl get mad at me for saying i don't want to be her boyfriend when after going on a trip to the beach with me she came back and kissed some matt guy?
i'm not sad or depressed or anything i don't want to give anyone the wrong impression. i'm tired and bored and so i'm substituting sleep for any real activity just because right now i don't have any hobbies to pursue. i need a job sure but first i need a reason to get up in the morning and go to work and suddenly for some reason i'm desperate to prove to myself that there is such a thing as love beyond meaningless "i love you"s and teenage attachment and romatic idealism
i don't want to just find some dr eam girl that fits some description i've pieced together in my head i want to find someone new that i'm thrilled to talk to and so happy to be around and everything. someone i do n't just get bored with
and i've got this thing with putting sp a ces where they don't b elong obsessively
and i'm not sure what kind of mood i'm in. to me you're really only in just one one-word mood when you're to an extreme. like if you're really mad then you can say "i'm mad" or if you're really tired you can say "i'm tired" but most of the time i'm all these different things at once
and i wonder if any of you can guess who's the dad of the lead singer of the Wallflow e rs?
i don't know why i'm just listening to "Cinderella" wishing someone was here so i could be all pedantic-like and just point and be like "do you know who his dad is?!"