3:12 AM meltdown (keep it quiet)
and so it's 3:12 AM and my distorted sleep schedule is raging on but doing it almost secretly like the humming of the refrigerator that you don't notice is there and then don't notice is gone until it kicks back on because when it kicks back on boy it kicks real hard boy it kicks real hard.
(i'm listening to ryan adams:"so alive" repeatedly)
and so i don't realise how in ruin my schedule is until it's 11:00 AM and i'm not even awake or asleep anymore i'm just dazed like i got punched in the face and you're dizzy enough that you don't feel how loud your mouth is smarting don't hear how loud there's blood on your chin and your shirt and then when you feel your face with your hand making sure it's still on right you get blood all over your hand and have to wash your hands in the bathroom sink but it's okay because the soap smells realy good once you've washed your hands and your face and there's still blood on the same shirt you wear everyday (wear that shirt it will turn her on) and everything i'm sleeping through doesn't even feel like it's happening anymore behind me and when i'm awake i'm half-here and time's half-faster and the days go by faster and what it's thursday already? thursday? yeah it's going pretty fast and you're hoping you see that one person this weekend
i
am hoping i see one person this weekend to keep me going get up and shave and stand out at the bus stop in the freezing cold and riding in that heated bus looking forward anxiously to getting uptown and catching that one person and i mean catch because maybe you don't know them but you've got to hug them anyway and i can already feel the cold in my shoulders and i want to hug someone already and who's going to be here on new year's anyway?
so it's thursday that means i knock out maybe two more nights and maybe i can see
someone
and when you disappear and just sort of trail off don't talk disappear i kind of get sad.
(i'm listening to ryan adams:"so alive" repeatedly)
and so i don't realise how in ruin my schedule is until it's 11:00 AM and i'm not even awake or asleep anymore i'm just dazed like i got punched in the face and you're dizzy enough that you don't feel how loud your mouth is smarting don't hear how loud there's blood on your chin and your shirt and then when you feel your face with your hand making sure it's still on right you get blood all over your hand and have to wash your hands in the bathroom sink but it's okay because the soap smells realy good once you've washed your hands and your face and there's still blood on the same shirt you wear everyday (wear that shirt it will turn her on) and everything i'm sleeping through doesn't even feel like it's happening anymore behind me and when i'm awake i'm half-here and time's half-faster and the days go by faster and what it's thursday already? thursday? yeah it's going pretty fast and you're hoping you see that one person this weekend
i
am hoping i see one person this weekend to keep me going get up and shave and stand out at the bus stop in the freezing cold and riding in that heated bus looking forward anxiously to getting uptown and catching that one person and i mean catch because maybe you don't know them but you've got to hug them anyway and i can already feel the cold in my shoulders and i want to hug someone already and who's going to be here on new year's anyway?
so it's thursday that means i knock out maybe two more nights and maybe i can see
someone
and when you disappear and just sort of trail off don't talk disappear i kind of get sad.