(no subject)
January.
.The ups and downs of a really bad break up, and so not being over him.
.The excitment of sneaking around my parents and meeting this boy id nickname the "evil temptress." a boy i had no idea woud become someone really important to me.
. chiodos. "one day all women will become monsters"
. allowing my best friends breakup with her boyfriend push us apart my trying to be a hero.
. The closest i have been to complete hatred towards a girl I was just jealous of.
. Cori's Birthday and being with reynolds kids back when everyone was friends
February
. feeling like my accomplishments were second best to my boyfriends because i wasnt "signing a record deal" or "buying an apartment". I was going to volleyball tournaments on the weekends and trying to make as many friends as possible with this false idea that i would be happier that way.
.late night phone conversations, simple texts, being called girlfriend.
. a really damn good birthday "wow. 16. parker asked me what it felt like and i said "liberating."
because it really does
its going to be a good year. im gonna make it be."
.working my ass of at soccer tryouts and wanting it so so bad. and making amends with the entire team who though i was a cocky freshman bitch. surprising myself. because i forgave them. i guess i had been there.
.sadie hawkins dance. in my kaki pants.
March
.starting to write more.
.staying up all night to talk to kc online. and feeling like i knew him better then a lot of my own friends.
.being called out by the "mom network" for posting mean things on my lj.
.a good, healthy, bittersweet breakup. one where the tears came naturally because things were just so good and exciting and intense.. and then it was gone.
.running in the last second of cinderella rehersals, meeting holly and getting closer to kelly and smurfy and dancing with my brother and having the time of my life preforming my song at rehersals.
April
.starting to write things on here because i knew that one out of my leage senior would come read them.
.realizing maybe he wasnt so out of my leage after all.
. "quit smoking" by deathcab.
.reconciliating with aly. forgiving her and having her forgive me.
.being really anxious to make a big mistake.
and making it.
and having to tell everyone.
.being so close to christine. driving around to eckerd to print pictures and helping her with mike and laughing and me feeling satisfied whenever she called me a nerd and said i had a long way to go before i was ever cool. all my friends thought it was stupid and she was a bitch for it. but i liked it. reminded me i was still being me.
. day of silence. being a part of something bigger than me. and hating west forsyth.
.friendships crumbeling right infront of me. loosing my new friends because they wernt ever really my friends, and my old friends because i had become so obsessed with the new ones.
May.
.knowing i had become someone i wasnt just to impress some boy and his stuck up their asses group of friends. and regretting that. so much.
.stay or leave by dave matthews band.
.remembering the qualities from blake i want to have. and realizing in spanish II why everyone thinks hes so kickass.
. evil temptress's unnaturally slutty new girlfriend. and their public displays of love on myspace. that made me gag.
.cinco de mayo. our party on the swingsets. ohh god. but meeting a pretty cool guy in a pretty typical high school way.
.HATING when boys wear pink shirts. or purple ones. or just when they think they're the shit.
.going to the park and floating boats down the river with a new friend.
.loosing to nw guilford in the second round of states for west soccer. but playing so hard. and getting knocked out and waking up with a knot on my head that would turn into two swollen black eyes. and being really proud, because i cared a lot about that team. and loosing all of our seniors was really sad. and pat couldnt play the last game... and we all cried. then rushing to julie and jessicas massive dance party in my soccer stuff, changing in the bathroom, and going compleatly crazy for the last hour.
.virginia beach volleyball tournament. and winning and everything. and feeling so invincible.
.realizing everything really was over. between me and him. and not even being able to feel hatred or bitterness. just going to write. and writing some of my favorite things i have ever written.
.stephens house and dirty boys and hottubs and clothes coming off and fucking good nights that started bad rumors but that i didnt care about.
.being jealous between how much closer i felt like julie and jessica were.
.and hating boys. because all my friends were more interested in them then anything else. and it was just pathetic.
June
.kathleen and margo.
.volleyball at willow run and my half ass attempt at swim team.
.my first rejection in sports. when i waited for an invitation to the high preformance camp and it never came.
going anyways as an alternate and feeling incredibly out of place and wanting so bad to be accepted or recognized or... something.
.volleyball camps. getting bruises all over and having a pretty insane roommates and making new friends and living in a dorm.
.warped tour. seeing paramore. and almost dying from singing at the top of my lungs. and being really glad i had such a good friend to take me.
.everyone and their summer plans that didnt involve us. some of us traveling and most of us having our lives changed.
July
.nols alaska. one of the most incredible months of my life.
August
.LAKE TRIP. fun as shit. almost crossing the friends line. but dont we always almost do that?
.crushing like crazy but trying to be subtle about it (and failing)
.nightmare of you. "in the bathroom"
September
.license. freedom. and learning how to drive a stick.
. a boy who actually cares about me, and one of the cutest nights ever.
.crash. dmb.
October
.loosing loki.
.a normal, healthy, incredible relationship starting. sitting on a fallen tree beside a pond, claiming quadoba as ours, walks through the nieghboorhood, kisses before 5th, finding music we could agree on for my car, the excitment of the begining.
.sublime. what i got.
.realizing we all have no life, so ending up watching laguna beach and maggies again. and loving it.
.halloween. last minute costumes and too much candy and trying to tackle by boyfriend.
November
.the beach! dressing up and shopping and running around in the rain and taking an unhealthy amount of pictures.
.starting to live again. and sneak around and break the rules and dream about getting out of this town.
December
.hating school.
.a terrible, terrible night where everything was almost thrown away.
.friendships being tested.
.laying in the sun in the carribean. and catching up with my family.
.making the best out of the worst, evaluating myself, not planning ahead... and actually feeling goosebumps at the thought of another year to come.
i cant believe all of that happened in
one year.
i havent changed as much this year as i had last. ive just lived more.
lets do it again.
.The ups and downs of a really bad break up, and so not being over him.
.The excitment of sneaking around my parents and meeting this boy id nickname the "evil temptress." a boy i had no idea woud become someone really important to me.
. chiodos. "one day all women will become monsters"
. allowing my best friends breakup with her boyfriend push us apart my trying to be a hero.
. The closest i have been to complete hatred towards a girl I was just jealous of.
. Cori's Birthday and being with reynolds kids back when everyone was friends
February
. feeling like my accomplishments were second best to my boyfriends because i wasnt "signing a record deal" or "buying an apartment". I was going to volleyball tournaments on the weekends and trying to make as many friends as possible with this false idea that i would be happier that way.
.late night phone conversations, simple texts, being called girlfriend.
. a really damn good birthday "wow. 16. parker asked me what it felt like and i said "liberating."
because it really does
its going to be a good year. im gonna make it be."
.working my ass of at soccer tryouts and wanting it so so bad. and making amends with the entire team who though i was a cocky freshman bitch. surprising myself. because i forgave them. i guess i had been there.
.sadie hawkins dance. in my kaki pants.
March
.starting to write more.
.staying up all night to talk to kc online. and feeling like i knew him better then a lot of my own friends.
.being called out by the "mom network" for posting mean things on my lj.
.a good, healthy, bittersweet breakup. one where the tears came naturally because things were just so good and exciting and intense.. and then it was gone.
.running in the last second of cinderella rehersals, meeting holly and getting closer to kelly and smurfy and dancing with my brother and having the time of my life preforming my song at rehersals.
April
.starting to write things on here because i knew that one out of my leage senior would come read them.
.realizing maybe he wasnt so out of my leage after all.
. "quit smoking" by deathcab.
.reconciliating with aly. forgiving her and having her forgive me.
.being really anxious to make a big mistake.
and making it.
and having to tell everyone.
.being so close to christine. driving around to eckerd to print pictures and helping her with mike and laughing and me feeling satisfied whenever she called me a nerd and said i had a long way to go before i was ever cool. all my friends thought it was stupid and she was a bitch for it. but i liked it. reminded me i was still being me.
. day of silence. being a part of something bigger than me. and hating west forsyth.
.friendships crumbeling right infront of me. loosing my new friends because they wernt ever really my friends, and my old friends because i had become so obsessed with the new ones.
May.
.knowing i had become someone i wasnt just to impress some boy and his stuck up their asses group of friends. and regretting that. so much.
.stay or leave by dave matthews band.
.remembering the qualities from blake i want to have. and realizing in spanish II why everyone thinks hes so kickass.
. evil temptress's unnaturally slutty new girlfriend. and their public displays of love on myspace. that made me gag.
.cinco de mayo. our party on the swingsets. ohh god. but meeting a pretty cool guy in a pretty typical high school way.
.HATING when boys wear pink shirts. or purple ones. or just when they think they're the shit.
.going to the park and floating boats down the river with a new friend.
.loosing to nw guilford in the second round of states for west soccer. but playing so hard. and getting knocked out and waking up with a knot on my head that would turn into two swollen black eyes. and being really proud, because i cared a lot about that team. and loosing all of our seniors was really sad. and pat couldnt play the last game... and we all cried. then rushing to julie and jessicas massive dance party in my soccer stuff, changing in the bathroom, and going compleatly crazy for the last hour.
.virginia beach volleyball tournament. and winning and everything. and feeling so invincible.
.realizing everything really was over. between me and him. and not even being able to feel hatred or bitterness. just going to write. and writing some of my favorite things i have ever written.
.stephens house and dirty boys and hottubs and clothes coming off and fucking good nights that started bad rumors but that i didnt care about.
.being jealous between how much closer i felt like julie and jessica were.
.and hating boys. because all my friends were more interested in them then anything else. and it was just pathetic.
June
.kathleen and margo.
.volleyball at willow run and my half ass attempt at swim team.
.my first rejection in sports. when i waited for an invitation to the high preformance camp and it never came.
going anyways as an alternate and feeling incredibly out of place and wanting so bad to be accepted or recognized or... something.
.volleyball camps. getting bruises all over and having a pretty insane roommates and making new friends and living in a dorm.
.warped tour. seeing paramore. and almost dying from singing at the top of my lungs. and being really glad i had such a good friend to take me.
.everyone and their summer plans that didnt involve us. some of us traveling and most of us having our lives changed.
July
.nols alaska. one of the most incredible months of my life.
August
.LAKE TRIP. fun as shit. almost crossing the friends line. but dont we always almost do that?
.crushing like crazy but trying to be subtle about it (and failing)
.nightmare of you. "in the bathroom"
September
.license. freedom. and learning how to drive a stick.
. a boy who actually cares about me, and one of the cutest nights ever.
.crash. dmb.
October
.loosing loki.
.a normal, healthy, incredible relationship starting. sitting on a fallen tree beside a pond, claiming quadoba as ours, walks through the nieghboorhood, kisses before 5th, finding music we could agree on for my car, the excitment of the begining.
.sublime. what i got.
.realizing we all have no life, so ending up watching laguna beach and maggies again. and loving it.
.halloween. last minute costumes and too much candy and trying to tackle by boyfriend.
November
.the beach! dressing up and shopping and running around in the rain and taking an unhealthy amount of pictures.
.starting to live again. and sneak around and break the rules and dream about getting out of this town.
December
.hating school.
.a terrible, terrible night where everything was almost thrown away.
.friendships being tested.
.laying in the sun in the carribean. and catching up with my family.
.making the best out of the worst, evaluating myself, not planning ahead... and actually feeling goosebumps at the thought of another year to come.
i cant believe all of that happened in
one year.
i havent changed as much this year as i had last. ive just lived more.
lets do it again.