Real Live Conversation
Last night, while Kim and I were trying to finish up some curcial homework at Starbucks this twenty-somethin-perfect-stranger-sorta guy sits down at the table across from us, facing our direction. Though we were obviously focused on our studies, he initiated the kind of "conversation" you would only expect to see in evangelical satire:
Guy: Are you guys college students?
Us: Yeh.
Guy: Really? What school do you go to?
Us: FCCJ.
Guy: Cool. What are you majoring in?
Kim: I'm going to be a Dance Education major.
Me: I'm a Philosophy major.
Guy: Philosophy major? Are you saved?
Me: Almost surprised Um. I'm a Christian.
Guy: Are you born again?
Me: Uh, yeh. I guess about as born again as you can get. Thinking to myself, "Oh geez, here we go."
Guy: Okay, cause I know that most people that are into philosophy and stuff question everything and try to take God apart into little pieces... That's why I know God doesn't want me to go to school now that I'm out of the navy. Alot of people just read get "information" and "human wisdom" but none of that matters to Jesus... blah blah blah blah... what church do you go to?
Me: We go to Sovereign Grace Baptist Church. You?
Guy: I go to Victory Chapel in Mayport. Yeh, I don't really like a lot of Baptists. I ask people all the time are they saved and they say, "Yeh, I'm a Baptist." And it's all religion to them. Jesus hates religion. I try really hard not to become religious. They always use it as a title... Jesus doesn't care if you're a Baptist... I used to be a Catholic and then I became a Christian... What Baptists don't realize is that the Calvinistic guy used to murder people that didn't believe his doctrines...
Me and Kim: Patiently waiting for him to take a breath, nodding and smiling the whole time.
Guy: God doesn't care about "Once saved always saved." Baptists always say that. They don't realize that the guy that said that was a murderer... Jesus says you can't be a murderer and in his Kingdom. That's the thing about "Once saved always saved," Jesus says his people are the obedient ones... blah blah blah... something about Bush and "Scary" Kerry and how Bush being elected delayed the Second Coming... something about how dark and evil the world will become... something about the Rapture... Catholics killed people by making them swallow razorblades...
10 minutes later.
Some people pretend like they like me, but months later I'll hear that they were talkin bad about me behind my back... That's why I know God doesn't want me to go to college... I've seen healings... I've seen miracles...
Emily, the Starbucks Barista: Sorry guys it's time to leave. We closed 10 minutes ago.
::sigh:: I don't even know where you start with guys like this. Anyway, there you have it. The product of the Radical Protestant Reformation.
Guy: Are you guys college students?
Us: Yeh.
Guy: Really? What school do you go to?
Us: FCCJ.
Guy: Cool. What are you majoring in?
Kim: I'm going to be a Dance Education major.
Me: I'm a Philosophy major.
Guy: Philosophy major? Are you saved?
Me: Almost surprised Um. I'm a Christian.
Guy: Are you born again?
Me: Uh, yeh. I guess about as born again as you can get. Thinking to myself, "Oh geez, here we go."
Guy: Okay, cause I know that most people that are into philosophy and stuff question everything and try to take God apart into little pieces... That's why I know God doesn't want me to go to school now that I'm out of the navy. Alot of people just read get "information" and "human wisdom" but none of that matters to Jesus... blah blah blah blah... what church do you go to?
Me: We go to Sovereign Grace Baptist Church. You?
Guy: I go to Victory Chapel in Mayport. Yeh, I don't really like a lot of Baptists. I ask people all the time are they saved and they say, "Yeh, I'm a Baptist." And it's all religion to them. Jesus hates religion. I try really hard not to become religious. They always use it as a title... Jesus doesn't care if you're a Baptist... I used to be a Catholic and then I became a Christian... What Baptists don't realize is that the Calvinistic guy used to murder people that didn't believe his doctrines...
Me and Kim: Patiently waiting for him to take a breath, nodding and smiling the whole time.
Guy: God doesn't care about "Once saved always saved." Baptists always say that. They don't realize that the guy that said that was a murderer... Jesus says you can't be a murderer and in his Kingdom. That's the thing about "Once saved always saved," Jesus says his people are the obedient ones... blah blah blah... something about Bush and "Scary" Kerry and how Bush being elected delayed the Second Coming... something about how dark and evil the world will become... something about the Rapture... Catholics killed people by making them swallow razorblades...
10 minutes later.
Some people pretend like they like me, but months later I'll hear that they were talkin bad about me behind my back... That's why I know God doesn't want me to go to college... I've seen healings... I've seen miracles...
Emily, the Starbucks Barista: Sorry guys it's time to leave. We closed 10 minutes ago.
::sigh:: I don't even know where you start with guys like this. Anyway, there you have it. The product of the Radical Protestant Reformation.